(Closed) the elephant-in-waiting in the room

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
485 posts
Helper bee

I’d say probably leave the talk for now. He might be waiting for the right moment to ask, when you’re not expecting it.  

I’m in the same situation as you; my Boyfriend or Best Friend has said that the proposal is coming but I have no idea when he’s going to do it. So I’ve decided not to mention it for a while and see what happens.

Post # 4
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

#1 – i can see how he’d be thrown by hearing you talk about looking at wedding blogs/sites when you technically aren’t engaged yet.  I’d keep weddingbee to yourself for the time being! 

#2 – he’s the crazy one for making anything of this.  You just said your 2nd anniv. was coming up soon – that’s factual information, you were just making conversation.  I don’t think you were out of line at all.

 

In general, I’d say try to avoid bringing up proposal/wedding/marriage talk – there’s just no point and it seems like he’s not taking it well for whatever reason at the moment.

Post # 6
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

Well, if you can’t talk about it then you probably aren’t ready for it πŸ™‚   

If you’ve been together 2 years, you should just sit him down and say “are you uncomfortable talking about weddings and engagement?”  Ask him where he sees your relationship going in the next year, 2 years, 3 years etc.  This is your future, you have every right to make plans.  You do have power here.  Don’t live your life with the ball constantly in his court.  

I don’t like the idea that the man gets to hold this over women.  That we can’t mention it unless he does first.  We can’t plan our future unless it’s what he wants and suits him too.  

We’re not little women anymore.  Be a strong woman and take control of your future and your dreams πŸ™‚

 

If he runs off scared, then, well, he isn’t worth it πŸ˜‰ 

Post # 7
Member
272 posts
Helper bee

I disagree with @tobin, from your post it sounds like the proposal should be any day and you’re just feeling the tension of these last few moments of waiting.  I would try really hard just to avoid using the following words, in ANY context:  wedding, engagement, marriage, future, fiancee, ring, proposal.  Just wipe those out of your vocabulary, and it should take some pressure off both of you.  You can talk about it all you want after he proposes!

Post # 8
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I would talk to him about it. Some guys like to have the proposal as a total surprise (blame hollywood for that one). If he’s telling people you’re his fiance, he waves any right to expect it to be a surprise!

Talk to him about marriage, his thoughts, your thoughts, ideas on timelines, letting him know how long it takes to plan a wedding, and most of all that talking about marriage doesn’t mean you are getting married. Just have a conversation, or several, and be calm and relaxed while having those conversations. If you’re not tense and emotional, he’ll be more relaxed (and if not, you’ll be able to stay calm if you have an attitude of “we’re adults, we’ve known each other a long time, and we are talking about something that is important to me).

Also, and DON’T do this, but it would be hillarious (but again, do NOT do it) to watch Bride Wars with him (SPOILER ALERT: since Kate Hudson’s character forces her boyfriend to propose in the middle of his office, when he was going to propose at dinner that night).

Post # 9
Member
2496 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I agree — try talking to him in a non-threatening way to collaborate/try to compromise on what’s important to each of you.  Guys generally like “collaborating” rather than being “talked to”…. men. πŸ™‚

I’m in the same boat as you are.  My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I actually almost broke up at one point because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut and was pressuring him waaaay too much.  I shut up and only a few months later, he was asking me my opinion on ceremony traditions and what he thought would be cool to do at his reception haha… go figure.

He just needed some more time and I needed to learn that if he wasn’t ready, then WE weren’t ready.  It’s hard to keep the wedding word vomit in sometimes, but they do appreciate it when it’s not the right time.

Post # 10
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

Mr. Bee has posted something for girls “in waiting”.  I would not talk about anything wedding related, as I think that it may make him wait longer to ask.  πŸ™‚ 

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