- 4 years ago
- Wedding: July 2018
I’ve been lurking for a while and reading some posts, but I figured I would jump in with all of you and share my own waiting situation. I’ve been with my boyfriend (like many of you, I’m getting sick of that term–so juvenile) for almost 5 years (will be in August). We’ve lived together for nearly 4 years, have two cats, and a very peaceful, nice life together. I’m 31 and he’s 30. We are getting to that point in life where friends are getting married and having babies. For many years, those things were very abstract and seemed distant. Now that I’ve met the “one,” it all seems more immediate/urgent, especially entering my thirties.
We have been through ups and downs, but we’ve gotten to a really healthy, happy place in our relationship. We travel together and support each other with our respective careers/interests. I’ve been in school for the last 4 years getting an undegraduate degree in English. I hope to get my teaching certification soon–he is already an English teacher (HS) and has been for nearly 4 years.
I digress–I can’t imagine my life/future with anyone else. Bf makes me laugh more than anyone else. He is the “father of my cats,” which means a lot as an animal lover. I think we’d make great parents. I want all the things–my career, a child, a house, a marriage–all at the same time, and I feel a lot of envy towards people who have those things on lockdown. I’m trying to be patient with myself. Bf is like a lot of men where he has fallen into a routine of comfort–it’s easy to be bf/gf and not take it further. I’ve made it clear I want to be married, and he’s hemmed and hawed on this a great deal. My schtick has always been: if you don’t want to marry me eventually, please go.
As the years pass I’ve grown more annd more testy/impatient. Not helpful in my “cause,” I’m sure. I decided on February 19, 2017, that I would give bf exactly one year to “get it together,” and if I wasn’t engaged by the same time in 2018, we would be over. Somehow I think the point has (finally) hit my point home. I have made it clear I’m not messing around. If he doesn’t know by NOW whether/not he wants to marry me, come on. He’s just stalling and it’s not ok. The other night I was spinning my wheels about what to do if I need to student teach (I work full time) and had to lose my job with health insurance. He said “you’ll be fine.” and I said “what about insurance!!??” (so important these days) and he said (casually) “you’ll have insurance.” I continued to spin my wheels some more until he finally said very deliberately: “spoiler alert: you’ll…have…insurance!” We said goodnight and I sat in bed with my stomach doing butterflies and flip flops.
Trying not to get my hopes up, but there are exciting events coming up–a vacation to California at the end of April, and a graduation party for me in May…I can’t help but hope for that proposal. I want it so badly! My friends are always asking about it. I feel lucky because his family loves me, mine loves him, and we have many mutual friends now. Again–I want my life with him. That being said–I’m not going to wait around if it doesn’t happen by the deadline. I feel like my firmness was perhaps the motivation he needed to know what he kind of “has” to do this in order to “keep me” (and I know he does…)
Any thoughts/anectodtal experiences? 🙂