(Closed) The Eternal +1 Question

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Do you think that all these people will be able to come to the wedding?  We had a lot of people RSVP ‘no’ to our wedding because it required flying a distance.

Post # 4
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

It sounds like you will only be ‘over’ by a few people, so I think odds are in your favor that enough ‘no’s’ will come in to counter-balance it. And if you are a few people over hopefully the solution can be to just make room – even though it’s a little crowded. Unless fire codes won’t allow it.

Can you call these people in the meanwhile and explain the situation? Taht you were originally stretching teh space assuming they wouldn’t have a plus-one, but don’t want to just say no to them so it’s a wait-and-see situation? I think that would be the nicest thing and if they’re reasonable people they will understand.

Post # 5
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Not everyone will RSVP yes. It’s too bad people’s lives keep changing in between making out the guestlist and sending the invitations though, huh? 🙂

We actually unintentionally didn’t invite a friend’s relatively new, but pretty serious boyfriend, and I felt guilty about it for a long time, even though we were already over our original (self-imposed) limit. I did extend the invite once I thought of it, but that was several weeks later and he couldn’t make it. It’s better not to hurt your friends’ feelings by saying their serious relationships matter less!

Post # 7
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

That’s really tough – I would definitely invite the cousin’s baby-daddy, since it’s a family thing, and maybe move some of the newly-engaged friends to a b-list?  And when you have your responses in, if you have space invite both halves and if you don’t invite just the original friend?  And then call the friends and say that you’re really having trouble with fire-codes and you totally wish you could include the new fiances.  But really, the people who should understand this the best are other people planning weddings!  They should understand!  Good luck..

Post # 9
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would invite them all… as much as I hate the idea!  (same thing happened here).  We just hope not everyone shows up, is that messed up? 

Post # 10
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think you just invite them all- bc weather or not you like it- they will probably show anyways no matter what the RSVP count.  And if your parents won’t budge on their list, I would still seriously consider skimming through their lists and seeing who is actually close to you and your Fiance, not just your parents, and the people that you hardly know or see possibly cut them out. 

Post # 12
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I think that the newly engaged guests should get their +1. I’m sorry to say that, because I know how much of a challenge that must be for you as the organizer. But I think your guests would feel so invalidated in their excitement and the new commitment they are undertaking, if their relationship wasn’t recognized while coming to celebrate your new commitment.

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