- 8 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
Rereading my post it sounds like I’m hopelessly sentimental about the guy but I’m not. I can look at him and be glad of the time we had together but not desire to be back with him. I am glad we dated, hated the break up but still enjoy knowing htat he helped shape me into the person I am today.
I have a couple of exs that both took me a long time to get over.
The first was my first real boyfriend who went from being a slightly overweight bio-chemistry student who was nice to a super fit medical student and rower with an ego to match, we broke up as it got to the point that I was just not as important to him as the rowing and I just couldn’t hack the ego or the constant cancelling of plans.
The second one I adored, I really thought we would be together forever, I went travelling for a few months when I finished uni, we were together the whole time I was away, I was super excited to get back to him and then he dumped me a week later.
With both of these and especially the second one it took me years to get over. The following relationships just weren’t as good. I didn’t feel we connected as well, the sex wasn’t as good, the drive for life wasn’t as strong, they were nice but just not as good.
So I think it’s harder to get over the relationships that you don’t want to end, I’ve never had problems getting over exs where it was my decision to end it and am actually still very good friends with some of these people (two have been invited to the wedding).
But when I met the first guy I really fell in love with, it was like “WTF was I thinking?!” And then when I met current guy, he just blew everyone else out of the water. And if god forbid, we ever ended up splitting, I would be looking for someone who was an even BETTER fit-not going back to someone who was a worse fit.
I’m actually still friends with the first guy, but I can very clearly see now that we don’t have similar values and he wouldn’t make me happy as a romantic partner. I’m much better off with my current guy and he with his current Girlfriend.
I wonder if the problem is more people settling (Ladies! Don’t settle! It just causes heartache and misery for everyone involved.) than ditching happy relationships for an ex.
If you had met your current guy soon after your exs, do you think you would’ve gotten over them faster?
Yeah, with the first of those it wasn’t really until I met the 2nd one who was even better that I really got over him properly. With the second one, I think I realised I was over him properly when I met him and his now wife at a mutal friend’s party a few years after we’d separated. She was really different to me and they had a dog (I hate dogs), there was this sudden realisation that we would never have worked. I’d always known he wanted to live in the country and have a dog while I want to live in the city and have a cat, but for some reason it never seemed that big an issue till I saw him having got what he wanted and knowing I wouldn’t have liked it.
My current Fiance is wonderful, and as this is the thread about not being able to forget people, I’ll share the sickeningly sweet story. We met when we were 4 at primary school, for 4 years we were inseperable until he moved away at 8. Even with the two horrendous breakups, i’ve still never missed anyone as much as I missed him as a kid. For 20 years we had very little contact but he was always on my mind, just wondering what he was like, what he was doing now, what would have happened if he hadn’t moved away. So one day nearly 3 years ago, I looked him up on facebbook and sent him a message (I think I was drunk). We met up for drinks and it was like we’d never been apart. Our wedding is in September.
The topic ‘The ex factor-someone please explain to me’ is closed to new replies.