(Closed) The ex factor-someone please explain to me

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@Happy Hopeful Bee: 
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@worldtraveler:  I absolutely agree, he obviously wasn’t the person for me.  And while I still get a memory that flashes through my brain once in a while, we haven’t spoken in years, and I have no intention of ever contacting him.  If anyone here has ever quit smoking, it really feels similar – there’s something that reminds you of the person and you get this involuntary happy thought/memory of a time with them.  And there’s a reason why some of us stay quit and some people don’t.  Some of us also remember why we quit and realize that the good does not outweigh the bad.  Some people focus so much on what was good that the bad seems like a distant memory.

Post # 18
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

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@worldtraveler:  Thanks you pretty much summed it up for me as well.

Rereading my post it sounds like I’m hopelessly sentimental about the guy but I’m not. I can look at him and be glad of the time we had together but not desire to be back with him. I am glad we dated, hated the break up but still enjoy knowing htat he helped shape me into the person I am today.

Post # 19
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I have a couple of exs that both took me a long time to get over.

The first was my first real boyfriend who went from being a slightly overweight bio-chemistry student who was nice to a super fit medical student and rower with an ego to match, we broke up as it got to the point that I was just not as important to him as the rowing and I just couldn’t hack the ego or the constant cancelling of plans.

The second one I adored, I really thought we would be together forever, I went travelling for a few months when I finished uni, we were together the whole time I was away, I was super excited to get back to him and then he dumped me a week later.

With both of these and especially the second one it took me years to get over.  The following relationships just weren’t as good.  I didn’t feel we connected as well, the sex wasn’t as good, the drive for life wasn’t as strong, they were nice but just not as good. 

So I think it’s harder to get over the relationships that you don’t want to end, I’ve never had problems getting over exs where it was my decision to end it and am actually still very good friends with some of these people (two have been invited to the wedding).

 

 

 

Post # 21
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@worldtraveler

Yeah, with the first of those it wasn’t really until I met the 2nd one who was even better that I really got over him properly.  With the second one, I think I realised I was over him properly when I met him and his now wife at a mutal friend’s party a few years after we’d separated.  She was really different to me and they had a dog (I hate dogs), there was this sudden realisation that we would never have worked.  I’d always known he wanted to live in the country and have a dog while I want to live in the city and have a cat, but for some reason it never seemed that big an issue till I saw him having got what he wanted and knowing I wouldn’t have liked it.

My current Fiance is wonderful, and as this is the thread about not being able to forget people, I’ll share the sickeningly sweet story.  We met when we were 4 at primary school, for 4 years we were inseperable until he moved away at 8.  Even with the two horrendous breakups, i’ve still never missed anyone as much as I missed him as a kid.  For 20 years we had very little contact but he was always on my mind, just wondering what he was like, what he was doing now, what would have happened if he hadn’t moved away.  So one day nearly 3 years ago, I looked him up on facebbook and sent him a message (I think I was drunk).  We met up for drinks and it was like we’d never been apart.  Our wedding is in September.

Post # 23
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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@FEDORAble:  I totally get your post and feel the same way about my ex. Would never want to be back with him, but he still has a special place in my heart. Always will.

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