Post # 1
My fiance’s ex has always been a constant issue between us. The ex is someone he was friends with all during college. After college, they dated, broke up, and I was the “rebound” girl turned bride-to-be. She is a mean person and treated my fiance like pooh. He continues to want to be friends with her, but I don’t understand why? He says he wants to keep things nice since they have mutual friends. At the beginning of the relationship. we would constantly fight about her since she was/is openly mean and disrespectful to me. He stopped talking to her before we were engaged. Now that we’re engaged, I’ve noticed he has started talking to her again. I’m just not comfortable with the “ex.” It has been 3 years, but a part of me still feels insecure about it. I don’t think he would ever get back with her….but I just don’t like her being in the picture. Is that selfish of me? I’ve tried talking to him recently about this, but he just doesn’t get it. I think it is a difference between how guys and girls think. Anyways, how do I handle this situation? Do I keep my feelings to myself to prevent a silly fight? Do I tell him how I feel? Advice please! TIA!
Post # 3
@coffeegal85:Hey sorry you’re going through this. I think I need more info, like how is she disrespectful? Is she trying to date him or does she flirt with him? I am of the school of thought that your SO should respect your wishes and if you don’t feel comfortable with him talking to his ex, then he should respect your wishes and not do it. BUT I also beleive that you have to respect his independence. If she is not flirting with him or trying to make you guys break up then why does it bother you so much?
Post # 4
What do you mean he talks to her? Do they call each other or does he simply speak to her if he happens to run into her?
If its the latter, I think you should let it go except for one thing – if she really is rude to her I think he owes you the loyalty of being cool towards her until and unless she changes her attitude. Unless you started it by being mean and rude to her!
I don’t really believe in being friends with the exes, particularly if it makes your fiance’ uncomfortable. I just think they’re exes for a reason and they belong in the past.
Post # 5
I think that an ex is your ex. It’s someone in the past. When you choose to move on and be with someone else, and you are getting married to him…then all those ties need to be cut. I have heard too many bizarre stories of ex’s getting back togehter and causing probelms with the present person.
It;s not like he has a kid with her…that woudl be different because the Ex would most likely always be in his life. In your case, I think it’s fine to be upset and to talk to him about it. It’s not being selfish. He is your man now 🙂
Post # 6
This is tough because she is friends with all your mutual friends. I would tell how you feel though and let him know that you would prefer they didn’t have contact outside of mutual friend events. There is no reason he can’t be nice and civil to her when everyone gets together, but I don’t necessarily think there is any reason for them to be chatting and such on their own time. I would just explain how you feel and talk to him about how you want to proceed with respect to this ex. This is going to be your partner for the rest of your life, so this is something you need to address now. It will only cause hurt feelings later if you repress what you feel now to avoid a silly fight.
Post # 7
I understand how you feel but since she is not really a threat then I would just try to let it go. As annoying as it is just try not to let it annoy you. I dont think there is any harm in chatting with an old ex that you are not likely to actually see in person. Especially if your Fiance is open about it and not trying to hide anything.
I keep my feelings to myself and prevent the fight. I have jealous feelings too but I realize these feelings are silly and no need to stress out my SO.
Post # 8
I also think that if she’s not coming between you and your fiance that you should just let it go. I suggest letting him know what you are or aren’t comfortable with (as far as the extent of contact). However, If she is actively trying to give you the boot, then I would make that known to your Fiance. He should be given information so he can decide whether to severe tie with her. My BFF “dumped” me (over the phone) because his gf (now wife) was so insecure that any other relationship aside from theirs made her feel threatened. We were bestfriends growing up (no romantic feelings for each other)…and I set them up!!! She loves him and trusts him..just not anyone else..awkward!!
Post # 9
The ex has been single the entire time we’ve been together. She is constantly looking for attention and someone to date. She even tried to date one of my fiance’s good friends, even though everyone told her that it was not a good idea or in good taste. I think she turns toward my fiance when she is felling low, because he gives her the attention she needs. I don’t think that she is trying to break us up, but she never puts my name on invites to her partys (just the fiance’s) even though we’ve been together for a long time. She knows my name, but pretends that I don’t exist. I’ve been in situations when I’ve had to hang out with her and have been nice and tried to talk to her, but she continues to not accept that I’m my fiance’s main squeeze. We’ve also been at the same sporting events, but she won’t come up to us – she’ll just text my fiance and say something like “hi, I see you.” Very weird.
The unfair part about it is that my fiance would get mad when I used to talk to my ex. Difference here is that I used to work with my ex and I had to see him everyday. To prevent the fighting, I deleted my ex from my phone, everything…. And I could care less…it is my ex. There was a reason it didn’t work out.
I think when it comes down to it, we’re both a little insecure. My insecurity comes from loving my fiance so much that it would kill me if he ever left me.