(Closed) The “ex” factor

posted 10 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
442 posts
Helper bee

@coffeegal85:Hey sorry you’re going through this.  I think I need more info, like how is she disrespectful?  Is she trying to date him or does she flirt with him?  I am of the school of thought that your SO should respect your wishes and if you don’t feel comfortable with him talking to his ex, then he should respect your wishes and not do it.  BUT I also beleive that you have to respect his independence.  If she is not flirting with him or trying to make you guys break up then why does it bother you so much?   

Post # 4
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

What do you mean he talks to her?  Do they call each other or does he simply speak to her if he happens to run into her?

If its the latter, I think you should let it go except for one thing – if she really is rude to her I think he owes you the loyalty of being cool towards her until and unless she changes her attitude.  Unless you started it by being mean and rude to her! 

I don’t really believe in being friends with the exes, particularly if it makes your fiance’ uncomfortable.  I just think they’re exes for a reason and they belong in the past. 

Post # 5
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think that an ex is your ex. It’s someone in the past. When you choose to move on and be with someone else, and you are getting married to him…then all those ties need to be cut. I have heard too many bizarre stories of ex’s getting back togehter and causing probelms with the present person.

It;s not like he has a kid with her…that woudl be different because the Ex would most likely always be in his life. In your case, I think it’s fine to be upset and to talk to him about it. It’s not being selfish. He is your man now 🙂

Post # 6
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

This is tough because she is friends with all your mutual friends.  I would tell how you feel though and let him know that you would prefer they didn’t have contact outside of mutual friend events.  There is no reason he can’t be nice and civil to her when everyone gets together, but I don’t necessarily think there is any reason for them to be chatting and such on their own time.  I would just explain how you feel and talk to him about how you want to proceed with respect to this ex.  This is going to be your partner for the rest of your life, so this is something you need to address now.  It will only cause hurt feelings later if you repress what you feel now to avoid a silly fight.

Post # 7
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I understand how you feel but since she is not really a threat then I would just try to let it go.  As annoying as it is just try not to let it annoy you.  I dont think there is any harm in chatting with an old ex that you are not likely to actually see in person.  Especially if your Fiance is open about it and not trying to hide anything.

I keep my feelings to myself and prevent the fight.  I have jealous feelings too but I realize these feelings are silly and no need to stress out my SO.

Post # 8
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I also think that if she’s not coming between you and your fiance that you should just let it go. I suggest letting him know what you are or aren’t comfortable with (as far as the extent of contact).  However, If she is actively trying to give you the boot, then I would make that known to your Fiance.  He should be given information so he can decide whether to severe tie with her.  My BFF “dumped” me (over the phone) because his gf (now wife) was so insecure that any other relationship aside from theirs made her feel threatened. We were bestfriends growing up (no romantic feelings for each other)…and I set them up!!! She loves him and trusts him..just not anyone else..awkward!!  

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