(Closed) The ex getting married… oh geez

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Your feelings are NOT weird at all. I think it’s hard to imagine that someone who treated you like that should even get a shot at happiness.

I think it would also be helpful if you were able to ask mutual friends to stop updating him on your life, and vice versa. Not that it’s a competition (on your end), but that you won’t waste the energy thinking about this.

Post # 4
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I say you dont react. Be glad that you arent marrying him. I have lot of friends in common with my ex of five years, I told them I`m moving on with my life and if I feel the need(which I doubt I ever will) it will take me less then two seconds to message him or email him, and find out how he is doing or what he is up too. Since then they never bring him up unless they happen to be talking about an event, or friend giving me a heads up that he may be at an event I will attend.

Stop worrying about what he is doing and be happy with your marraige and all the good things coming up in your life. Why should you care what he up to and what he is doing? Don’t waste any more of your time even thinking about where he is and what he is doing. This a case where you wash your hands of the situation and say good freaking riddance!!!

Post # 5
Member
5242 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Just be thankful your not the one marrying him! I also had a very abusive ex and would also be surprised the day I found out he was getting married but would also be relieved that I got myself out of that situation!!

Post # 7
Member
7386 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I felt similar when my ex got remarried- although he was not abusive, just an idiot.  I did wonder if the new wife knew he doesn’t see his daughter and that his multiple creditors are calling my phone to try and find him.  But ultimately, I figured she is an adult and its was up to her to check out someone she was marrying.  If i warned her then I would have just come off as looking jealous and vindictive. 

Post # 9
Member
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Your feelings are completely normal and understandable.  When my abusive ex-husband was getting re-married, I told him if I ever heard he laid a hand on his new wife that I would let her know I’d be more than willing to testify against him in court, on her behalf.  I feel sorry for that 18 year old girl, God only knows what she may be getting herself into.

Post # 11
Member
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@strangewaysherewecome:  I’m such a mother hen sometimes, too, so I can relate!  It’s about the fact that we feel compassion for the other women getting trapped into the same destructiveness we already managed to survive and our hearts go out to them.

Post # 12
Member
724 posts
Busy bee

If you tell her what he’s really like (which I’m not suggesting you do), you’ve got to be prepared for the very, very likely incident that she won’t believe you and he will come after you in some way.  I’m honestly concerned for your safety if you do, given that you said that he was physically abusive.  And I’m speaking from personal experience. My evil ex waltzed back into my life about a year ago for about a two week period.  He gave me a sob story about how he’d changed and couldn’t stop thinking about me and I’d see if I met him for drinks blah blah.  Well he succeeded in manipulating me into meeting him and we even kissed and he tried VERY hard to get me to go back with him but something was rubbing me the wrong way so I said no.  I go back to my room and text my friend about what happened…guess what?  Evil ex has a girlfriend.  Has had one for almost the entire time we were broken up.  A very sweet recent college graduate in the peace corps, currently in Peru.  

Well, I decided to do the “sisterly” thing and inform her of exactly what happened and what he’s really like.  I contacted her on fb and told her everything.  She was polite about it and thanked me…but then he contacted me freaking out and calling me a psycho and threatening to sue me for slander (lol!).  I later found out from a mutual friend he cried big crocodile tears and convinced her I was a crazy ex still madly in love with him and making the whole thing up.  

Bottom line?  Don’t do it.  I know your heart is in the right place, but it won’t end well.

Post # 13
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

lol I know I do still see things about ex on fb. Friends sometimes for whatever reason feel the need to tell me things about my ex, I think partly becasue we all met in college and see each other a few times a year so people like to gossip or find out what going on with others. I did have to nip it in the bud. I’m not even bitter or upset it just like guys we broke up years ago can you just get over it, I don’t need to know all the details of his life. I have chosen to not be friends with him for a reason!

Post # 14
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Also lets hope this girl has family in her life. Helping her out. I think in those type of situations even if you are telling the truth you come off as the crazy ex.

Post # 15
Member
63 posts
Worker bee

My ex is marrying his fiancé next month.

I feel to write her a thank you and godbless letter.

Post # 16
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I was in the same situation as you were. I broke it off with my first Fiance because he was extremily emotionally and physically abusive not to mention he was cheating on me with multiple people, including a bridesmaid in the wedding that I considered my best friend. It was THE WORST point in my life and I still have nightmares about him choking me, breaking my phone so I could not call for help, and hitting me in the face. Darkest period of my life and it STILL haunts me today,

He ended up dating the cousin of a close friend of mine who was a sweet, nice girl. I was SO scared for her and debated for months if I should come forward and tell her since I didn’t even know her….just knew that she was dating him. Well, the anxiety got to be so strong that I ended up telling her. The next day I got a phone call from my ex threatening to find me and kill me and “finish what he should have when we were together.” Apparently the girl broke up with him immediately after I told her and he FLIPPED. I had to change my home and cell number, and had to call the police for him threatening me. For MONTHS I walked around in fear for my life. Yes, I am glad that I “saved her” but would I do it again? No. It caused me too much pain, fear, and grief. She would have eventually found out anyway.

He has been through about 10 women since we broke up two years ago…we have a mutual friend who tells me tid bits from time to time. He obviously has a problem and I pray that he gets help before he harms himself or others.

I STRONGLY advise you to stay out of it for your own safety.

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