(Closed) The Ex – Please Help!

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

DO NOT reply. It will only fuel him. Think of it like a child seeking attention: they will do anything (positive or negative) and responding in ANY WAY will just reinforce that. Not responding will actually HELP him get over you.

Post # 4
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Honestly, I would be worried that responding in any way would encourage him to try and contact you further. He’s trying to emotionally manipulate you back into his life (even in a small, texting way), and that’s not fair or healthy for you. It’s an awful situation, but I would just ignore it.

Post # 5
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

don’t write back. block his email account. you mentioned he has threatened to kill himself, and that the relationship wasn’t very healthy- those are red flags to me that this guy is trying to manipulate and control you even though the relationship is long over. responding to him is not a good idea.

Post # 6
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’d give him “My life has changed a lot since we were together, and I’m very content. I’m sorry, but my new life cannot include you. I wish you happiness.” Or something to that effect.

Sounds like if you ignore him he’ll just continue, or if you feed into it, he’ll continue. This guy needs to be told once, clearly, that you and he no longer have a relationship. 

Good Luck.

Post # 7
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I truly know exactly how you feel. I went through some crazy stuff at the end of a prior relationship, with a man that I did love, but now realize I might have stayed in that relationship because I was in love with the craziness of that relationship if that makes sense? We did a lot of back and forth and that end and then I finally cut ties. But then the texts and emails got crazy, once I started dating my now Darling Husband. The ex actually threatened to show up at the wedding and stop it. Eventually he sent me a similar email begging me to acknowledge him and I sent him and email. That basically said I have moved on and I am in a very good place and I wish you could just do the same. I want you to be as happy as I am. After that he hasn’t contacted me since. It however was risky. Just make sure you’re safe whatever you do.

Post # 8
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I wonder if you should have your husband contact him?  Not threaten but just state that you and he are really happy and that it’s time for the ex to move on.  He should be adamant that further contact will not be tolerated and you will take action if needed.

Otherwise I agree with PP’s that you shouldn’t email him back.

Post # 9
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would ignore him for sure.  As others said in PP he’s trying to manipulate you into contacting him.  I would just leave it be and block him in any and every way you can.  Also, I would make sure to keep all your information private if you can, and remove anything from Facebook/social sites that could be used to contact you.  He sounds like he will try anything, just keep safe!

Post # 10
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I would send one e-mail formally requesting that he stop contacting you before blocking his e-mail.  If you can send this message from a program that will generate a read receipt that proves he got and opened it, all the better.

Don’t respond to any subsequent messages, but do save then and print them. 

If, heaven forbid, you need to seek a restraining order of some kind you’ll want to have copies of both your communication with him asking him to leave you alone and proof that he ignored you.  Save the texts, too.

His mental health is his own business and it’s not your job to keep him from doing something self-destructive and irresponsible.

(The above assumes you haven’t got anything that explicitly states that you do not want him calling, e-mailing, texting, etc.  If you DO have stuff like that then just save whatever he sends you, don’t respond and start thinking about whether you want to take further steps.)

Post # 11
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Dont reply. I wouldnt. I think if you do reply he will just keep at it

Post # 12
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

DO NOT REPLY.

Post # 13
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

DO NOT REPLY.  He is not your responsibility, don’t let him make you feel like he is.  He needs to get his own shit together and nothing you do or say is going to do that for him. 

Post # 15
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

How old is this guy if you don’t mind me asking? I was younger, 19-21, when I had to deal with ex’s of this sort. I had 2 threaten to commit suicide (they never did), one I had to threaten to call the police if he came over to my house in the middle of the night, like he said he was going to do. It was all very physically and emotionally draining. Now that you are out of that relationship, you need to not look back. ANY type of contact, and I mean ANY, is what they want. Whether they try to piss you off to get you to write back something mean, or when you don’t, then they will start begging and being all sweet to just get you to “acknowlege him”. It may be hard to do bc you want to seem “nice” and grown and civil, but in this case, when dealing with “men” like this, the right thing to do is DON’T LOOK BACK. You also might want to think of it this way (this helped me FINALLY cut all ties with a 4 year ex back and forth) but when I met my fiancee, this “ex” tried to ruin things in the beginning of our relationship, and fiance said “either you fix this, or I will”. And I realized then that if I was to have a serious life and relationship with this man, I had to stop trying to be “nice and friendly” to my ex. Still to this day he emails me randomly, but I still have to ignore him. It’s hard, and hurts to think you are having to be “mean”, but it will be worth it when you start your new life with your future husband 🙂 Don’t let the crappy past ruin what you have right in front of you 🙂

Post # 16
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

DO NOT REPLY.  If you continue to avoid him, he will eventually leave you alone.  Once you respond, you’re opening it all back up again (back to square one).

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