- Take The Reins
- 8 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
I posted this in emotional also, but thought maybe I should crosspost as it’s more parenting than emotional!
Backstory. SS is turning 6, his bio mom lost him in August of 2009 for neglect, unsanitary living conditions, and failure to meet basic needs (dentist doctor etc). SS and his 2 half sibs were taken away by child services and their mom was given 6 months to get a job and find a house and get counselling, during which time she partied, moved in with a drug dealing Hells Angel (known for sure) and got run out of the city she lived in back to her mom. (she’s almost 40 BTW). Luckily SS was already with us for a visit so wasn’t traumatized by the actual act of taking him away from his mom. He has lived with us for almost 3 years now, has not had any visitation with bio mom who does not work nor pay child support at all and expects us to drive SS 24 hours to visit her, which we cannot and will not do. She finally sent him gifts this past xmas, and that is the first time since Aug 2009 that she has made that effort…no bday cards or gifts for the 2 years prior. She does call on holidays but thats about it.
So, on Sunday Fiance, SS and I went to FI’s dad’s home for Easter dinner. While we were there, Bio mom texted Fiance and asked to speak to SS who said he didn’t want to talk to her. He was busy playing with his new Easter toys and didn’t want to leave them. Fiance told her SS would call her later. She got all pissed off and said no, to put him on the phone right then. So SS takes the phone, while telling his dad he didn’t want to, and spoke to his mom. After about 5 minutes, bio mom tells SS that her cell is dying and to have his dad call her back at her moms home number. When Fiance asked SS to call her back, he said no, he didn’t want to talk, so Fiance texted her and let her know that he was busy playing again and that he would get him to call before dinner. Biomom got all pissy via text and called anyways, and yelled at Fiance to put SS onto the phone. SS walked away from the phone twice, and was told to go back and talk to his mom, at which point he said he didn’t want to. He tried to say good bye twice, she told him no. He started to play, and was opening a set of dino eggs he got from his step grandma, some of which had bubble gum in them. We do not allow him to chew gum, for our own reasons and alos at the request of his dentist. SS had 9 open cavities when he came to live with us from being on the bottle until he was 3.5 and never seeing a dentist. We have paid to have them all filled, but some of the fillings are very topical as they didn’t want to do full fillings on baby teeth. The dentist advised us to avoid giving him anything that may unseat the fillings like gum, toffee, caramels, hard candies like Jolly ranchers etc). WHile onthe phone with his biomom, he started to bring the gum to us and telling her that gum wasn’t for kids, and was bad for his teeth and is only for adults who have big teeth and that he was going to give it to grandma B.
Here is where my blood began to boil. His biomom (who has NOTHING to do with him other than phonecalls) tells him it’s OKAY for him to have gum, and that he doesn’t have to listen to me because I am not his real mother! SS was highly confused, tried arguing with her, to which she told him “I’m your mom and I say it’s ok”. At that comment he passed his dad the phone with a perplexed look and said that she had told him he could have the gum (we always keep the phone on speaker becasue she has said some inappropriate things in the past also). Fiance took the phone and ended tha call and promptly sent her a nasty text about undermining our authority and if she has issues with our parenting she speaks to Fiance directly, not to SS. We haven’t heard anything back since. But seriously, WTF!!! I have raised him for 3 years alongside Fiance, he is on my medical, I have co-paid his medical bills, dentist, daycare, food, clothing, housing and extra curricular activities like swim lessons and now lacrosse. I’m good enough to mop up his vomit and wipe his ass but I don’t have the authority to say he can’t chew GUM! And to top if off, he came home from school yesterday and informed his dad and I that one of his classmates shared her gum and he spit his out once all the juice was gone! So after one call from his uninvolved biomom, he thinks he doesn’t have to live by our rules anymore. I am so angry, and frustrated, and it’s so futile becasue I can’t speak to her, Fiance can’t control her actions and it’s certainly not SS fault and I can’t really get mad at him! Ugh, some days I hate this step parenting gig!