Post # 1
Although it’s still a ways off (1-2 years), my husband and I have been discussing children more and more lately. We have a very tight-knit group of friends, many of whom are married, but insist they are not having children. The few that do want children are even further off from having them then we are. I’m worried about how things will change with our friendships after we have children. Though we aren’t ‘partiers’, many of our gatherings are adult oriented (going to pubs, late night get togethers etc), and last minute. I’m worried we won’t be able to do a lot of the stuff we do now, and that will affect our relationships.
Were you the first of your group of friends to have children? How did this change your friendships? Was it a difficult transition?
Post # 3
Fiance and I are going to start trying the wedding night, and eventhough we aren’t the first of our friends to have children, from what I’ve seen, it doesn’t change anything…and the few that get fussy aren’t worth being around because you are looking after your family. I’ve seen that yes, the bar and going out isn’t always possible but going to eachother’s places and hanging out with a nice dinner is what we do now, and honestly it’s much nicer. Anyways that’s just my opinon 🙂 Hope that helps!
Post # 4
Though our baby isn’t here yet, we find that we’re being made fun of more and more because I’m just not up to staying out all hours of the night and I can’t drink anymore. Last night we met up with some friends for dinner and then they wanted to go to a bar. I told them we’d go to dinner but I cannot stand the smell of alcohol/cigarettes anymore and therefore we’d just leave after dinner. We got a lot of shit for ending the night before 4am. But sometimes that’s just the way it is. I’m not going to put myself in misery just to please my husband’s assholes of friends.
Post # 5
@firsttimemom: I’m not too worried about my friends being jerks (that sucks that you’re dealing with that), more that we just won’t be able to spend time with them and we’ll drift apart. Also, cigarette smoke, yuck! There are been bi-laws here preventing smoking indoors for so long, I still forget that there are cities that allow that. I really hope they don’t start teasing us.
@Firefighter_Bride: Good luck with trying! We do the dinner thing sometimes, hopefully we’ll be able to do it more. Thanks for the opinion!
Post # 6
Yup, I was the first. I’m not going to lie either, my social life did take a pretty big hit. I get a twang of nostalgia when I see pics of everyone hanging out at places where I always would have been. But it’s also made me realize who my true friends are as well. I have some awesome friends who make time for get togethers and make the effort to invite me out even if I can’t go. My priorities shifted around a lot, but my friendships are always going to be important to me. And I hope as my daughter gets older my time will free up a little more.
Post # 7
Nope. I have my 1st baby in September and I’m in the middle of my friends having kids. Some have 4 and 5 yr olds and some don’t have any kids. But then, I’m 29 (30 next month, yah!) so it’s obvious I’d be in the middle of kids and no kids. lol
The friends that had kids at 25 and 26, we still had fun with her. We went to bars or out to eat, but at those times the dads would watch the kids and if the dads wanted to hang out, the moms would watch them. 🙂
Post # 8
@KatyElle: Yeah, I kind of expect it to change. It’s just unfortunate as many of my close friends moved further away, so it’s even harder to make time already. Ah well! I hope it gets easier for you.
Post # 9
I’m the first of my friends to be pregnant. I was also the first (and only so far) to get married, and our relationships have changed already b/c of that. I think it’s just something that happens while growing up, we grow apart. And hopefully I’ll find friends that are more on the same page as I am in life.
Post # 10
Yep our social lives have definitely changed since we had a baby. We continued to go out to restaurants for gatherings when my son was only a few months old but his bed time got earlier and earlier. Now, at 7 months old, he goes to bed at 7 so only other people with small children understand that and want to go to dinner with us at 5.
But like someone else said, you find out which people you really had friendships with and which people were just drinking/ party friends. And you find new friends that have kids and are interested in the same things. Really I was just so ready to have a baby that it doesn’t really bother me much. I just wish we knew more people with children so that we had more options.
Post # 11
yep, I totally expect to have my evenings completely turned around! I usually go out a few times a week, late nights at bars/restaurants, events.
fortunately I know I have a supportive partner that will help with the nights that I want to go out when we have our child – and we’ve always kinda done the ‘my friends/his friends’ thing.
but I know being pregnant is going to be hard. I don’t want to tell that many people too early and I have friends making all these plans for trips that I may or may not be able to take…
we’ll see! 🙂
Post # 12
My experience was, when I was pregnant everyone was around. I had people visiting, taking me out, lots of mani/pedi trips, it was all very nice. All my friendships were great.
And of course when I had my daughter everyone came over to see her and visit, and that was great too.
But people do have a way of tapering off after a few times of “I can’t, the baby is teething” or “I can’t, I’ve been up all night and I’m just too tired to go out.” Some mothers can make the transition into their newfound mother status seamlessly, but I wasn’t one of those mothers. I felt an amazing bond with my daughter but it took me a pretty fair amount of time to come to terms with “This is my life now.” You might find you grow apart from some people and grow closer with others. A lot of my old party friends who I thought were lifers I never even see anymore. Whereas some of my old aquaintances who have had children in the past few years I’ve found myself growing really close with.
And to be honest, there have been a lot of times where I could have gone out and just didn’t feel I wanted to. And maybe it’s my fault for not getting myself out more, but sometimes the choice can be tougher than you first think it will be.
Post # 13
We’re actually one of the last couples in our group of friends to have children.
What I noticed when our friends started having kids was that we didn’t see them as much for a while because it just wasn’t easy for them to come over/go places, and they tended to gravitate toward people who had children too. We understood – it’s just life; having children changes things.
Now that the kids are getting a little older, I find that we’re reconnecting again, especially since we’re having a baby now too.
Post # 14
I am the ONLY one of my friends with a child. And she’s almost seven! I lost a lot of acquantances when I had her because I could not go out all the time and obvoiusly wasn’t going to be hanging out at a bar when my daughter needed me.
Sometimes I wish my friends had kids so they’d understand but to be honest my three cloesest friends (and BMs) have all made amazing aunts to her and my daughter is spoiled rotten by them 🙂 Having a daughter, has acutally brought me closer to them.
I have also made friends with her friends parents although we are not close. I do have three or four moms I’m quite fond of and try to set up playdates and parties for our kids.
Post # 15
Most of my friends don’t have kids…and our social life has changed, but my friends are important to me so we have adapted! I have brunch with my girlfriends on the weekend – baby stays home with my husband. Or I have girls nights out. Or we cook and have friends over. Or get a babysitter and go out. Your life will change but after a few months, once you start to get some more regular sleep, you can resume a social life, its just going to be a bit different. And your friends without kids won’t totally get it, but that is ok – just be prepared and understand its hard to know until you are in it, make time for people who are important to you and enjoy it all!
Post # 16
@artbee: All of the married ones I have seen get married, so that definitely didn’t affect our relationships. Maybe that’s a good sign? I’ve been friends with these people for over 10 years so I’m hoping we don’t have to lose them to make new ones!
@Derbybride: I get what you’re saying about the early bed times and early get togethers! Thanks for sharing.
@lilsneakers: That’s nice that you do the ‘your friends/his friends’ thing, it’ll be great when one of you wants a break. We have a few friends like that, but mostly we do stuff as a group. Good luck with telling your friends when the time comes!
@KatyElle: I can definitely see myself as turning into the not-going-out-when-I-could type. I guess I will have to keep that in mind.
@realeastcoaster: It’s great to know things can turn around later on if they change earlier!
@SoontobeMrsA: I have a feeling my friends will be more that type; the great ‘aunts and uncles’!
@Sunchick19: This is what I am hoping for, just getting to a place where you can adapt things! I really hope it works out for me that way.
Thanks for sharing ladies! It’s interesting to know there are so many varied experiences out there.