(Closed) The first time

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Member
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I think it would be only because it would be like you’re almost not given him a chance to get you there or even try. Make it fun show him what you like but in ways that are slick and sexy not like a tutorial during sex you know. maybe introduce the toy later when you guys get more sexually comfortable with eachother. just my opinion. 

Post # 3
Member
9719 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I’m not sure it’s a good idea for your first time together and his first time ever. It kind of sends the message that you don’t expect much from him. I don’t know, it just a comes off as selfish to me.

Post # 4
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

mrsrosegold :  I don’t like the idea. As someone who waited, I’m all for masturbating and knowing how your body works. But you want to orgasm from him, not from the vibrator and then he takes over afterwards. Maybe bring the vibrator on honeymoon and use it to tutor him, if necessary, a few days in. But I don’t like the idea of it being the first resort.

Yes first time sex will almost certainly be awkward – ours was – but that’s not a bad thing. You learn together.

Our experience: despite the awkwardness (which included Darling Husband not being able to get properly in at all), he was still able to bring me to orgasm, because I knew where to get him to touch me, because I knew what got me there. (Though I think we got a bit lucky – I’m sure it’s common to not get to O the first time).

Post # 5
Member
7768 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Definitely not! I mean…how would you feel if you were the virgin and your husband was not, and it’s yoru wedding night and he’s liek “sorry I need to jack off for awhile first”—wouldn’t that make you insecure? There’s a time and a place for vibrators, but I really dont’ think this is it.

Post # 6
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Omaha, NE

Ya, I would be really upset if I were him. You don’t even know if you’ll need it! Have sex with your husband and enjoy your time together first, then go from there. If you still need a little help after a valiant effort on both your parts, then pull it out and use it together.

Post # 7
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

I have to agree with everyone else – I think for his first time you should just be with each other. I know of men who are very hurt by their gfs using vibrators in general, and even if your guy is the absolute sweetest, I can’t imagine he wouldn’t be a little hurt by not even being given the chance to be with you without one. 

For your first time with him, let it be the two of you, and if it’s really a no-go, introduce it at the end. 

Post # 8
Member
6626 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

mrsrosegold :  I’ve read that use of vibrators can make reality just not good enough anymore.  After all, what penis can move like that?  You build a tolerance and that’s what you need to finish.  If I were you, I’d ditch that vibrator entirely for the rest of the time you have left (I’d have ditched it months ago).  Figure out some other things that turn you on and get you ready.  Does he object to all forms of sexual intimacy at this time?  Is he willing to try some things that “don’t count” to help prepare for what’s coming?  For this first time, I think you should focus on making him feel comfortable and as successful as possible b/c even if you know what you’re doing, he’s still going to be awkward and weird figuring it all out.  Work out the finer points later, even if your first time together isn’t your best.

Post # 10
Member
3114 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

I wouldn’t focus on being together and not so much on getting off. He may be nervous as it is. Also you can definitely get addicted to vibrators, I threw mine out after realizing I couldn’t get off without it, so maybe cut back a little and just try to focus on enjoying each other. 

Post # 12
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Man’s perspective… my husband just said you might want to keep that out of the picture for now 🙂

Post # 13
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I wouldnt for his first time. My fiance was really nervous and I would imagine that a vibrator would make him even more nervous. I’m totally dow for incorporating sex toys, just not on his first time 

Post # 14
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2005

Turns out the Lelo company are selling a Bridal pleasure kit complete with a vibe and even a mask with some silky tie-ups and what looks like a small flogging device. All in virginal white and silky satin etc. u can c it on the Lelo website.  Just because it’s being sold does not mean every bride and her groom should have one and to say the least the flogger and the ties are likely taking that first perhaps virginal night a bit far for most folk.

Two observations from that site. Firstly the HUGE Black Friday discount on that kit suggests that sales are not nearly meeting expectations. Secondly with a few exceptions the customer reviews on that website stongly suggest that the kit was not enjoyed or endorsed by honeymooners but were enjoyed some years later as wedding anniversary gifts. somehow the clever combination of a snow white vibe and virginal white satin does not seem to have worked out. Both observations should tell you something about your question and it seems to fit with the trend of OP on this thread that using a vibe on the first night, maybe for the whole honeymoon, is not without some risk.

In an age of relatively few wedding-night virgins, replaced instead by couples who are likely already very sexually experienced with their spouse, most people remain attracted to the ideal of a techno and otherwise device-free honeymoon and  that includes all of the purity and emotional sentiment (just us and nothing between us) of that very first night of marriage. come to think of it this all fits in with the puritanical ideal of couples who, despite being fully sexually active, abstain for a time prior to the big night.

 

 

 

Post # 15
Member
4231 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

There is nothing wrong with bringing toys in the bedroom! But as it is DH’s first time, I’d leave it in the drawer. Speaking as someone who has ‘collected’ a few guys virginities, it’s best if you be gentle and let it be more about them and exploring what does and doesn’t work for them.

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