Post # 1
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
Seeing as how our first anniversary will be here in less than a month, I’ve been thinking about all of the year’s ups and downs. I’ve heard the saying, “the first year is the hardest” many times from family members and probably on here. But, reflecting back on our year, I think it’s been really smooth sailing. We lived together before marriage, so there weren’t really any transitions to go through.
So, bees, was your first year hard? For bees that have been in LTRs or married awhile, did you have a hard first year? What was the most difficult part of your relationship?
Post # 2
I don’t think our first year was very hard as far as the marriage was concerned. We did buy a house which was stressful and my husband went through some crazy heath related issues, but both of those would have been hard even if we were just dating. We also lived together during our engagement so there weren’t any huge adjustments after we got married. I always joke that the only thing that changed was my last name. Haha
I think marriage gets harder when children come into the picture…or so I’ve heard.
Post # 3
I think it depends. Our 3rd year of marriage was the hardest for us. my husband moved out and we were separated for 3 months. When he came back it was a struggle because we really had to work at being together and regaining trust. Without that incident I would say marriage is always hard. You’ll have your good times and you’ll have your bad times. You’re planning on living with one person for the rest of your life so expect at some point you’ll want to pull your hair out. It’s not an exact science, both partners just need to be in the marriage for the same reasons. I think when they say the first year they are basing it off of couples who’ve never lived together prior to marriage. I would see how that’s a struggle.
Post # 4
We’ve been married almost 8 years and probably our 3rd-4th year has been the most difficult so far. We were both struggling to establish ourselves in our careers, buy a house, money was tight…stress got the best of us and we were both tense and miserable and struggling to not withdraw into ourselves and become a team handling those obstacles together. I think we struggled because we’d never faced those sorts of stresses or disappointments together and we had to learn how to support each other and move forward from it.
So in that vein, I don’t know if there is a set “time” in your marriage that is difficult but I think difficulties can and do flare up when you face certain situations that you never experienced or never thought you would experience together, which is why the first year of marriage is often looked at as the most difficult; if you didn’t live together before, combine your finances, etc. that first year can be a tough one. I don’t know if the first year is often the most difficult for most couples, but it hasn’t been for us. We did live together before getting married though so that might have been why we didn’t struggle as much that first year perhaps
Post # 5
I am expecting the next year to be the hardest for us. I am pregnant, and if all goes well, will be due in October. I fully expect us to have to work harder at our relationship. Both of us get snippy when we are tired or really busy.
I’ve been with my husband for 7 years, married for almost one. We spread things out over those 6 years of dating so that nothing was too much at once. We bought a house, moved around, changed jobs,renovated the house…but all when there wasn’t too much other stress in our lives. We lived together for about 4 years before getting engaged though. Married life really hasn’t been very different for us so far.
Post # 6
Our first yer of marraige was very similar to our last year of not-marriage, except we were free from planning a wedding!
We had some adjustment issues when we first moved in together, but after a few months, all was good!
Post # 7
I voted while waiting since I have only been married for a little under two months. So far its been smooth sailing but then again its only been two months. Praying that it continues this way… I love being married
Also my DH and I did not live together before marriage. After the wedding it all felt so natural to us… Then again we dated for 10 years before we got married.
Post # 8
We lived together for a while before getting married and have been married almost a year. The is the EASIEST relationship I have ever, ever had so smooth sailing for me too!!
Post # 9
We’ve been married 8 months and so far it’s been smooth sailing! It definitely hasn’t been the hardest year we’ve had. I think it helped that we lived together for so long before the wedding. Being married doesn’t feel much different, but it is fun to call each other husband and wife 😉 There have been challenges (my grandma passed away, stresses at work, illnesses in the family) but nothing specific to our marriage and we’ve gotten through everything as a team. I think the year before we got married was a lot harder because there were so many changes. They were all good changes, but still an adjustment for us. The year before our wedding we finished school, moved back to our hometown, bought a house, DH got his first “real job”, planned our wedding… I think our first married year has been relatively calm compared to that.
Post # 10
Our first year (and 6 months) of living together was probably the hardest. The first year and a half of living together also involved moving 500 miles away from our family and friends. Six of those months were our first six months being married but I would say the transition of living together and moving is what caused the difficulties, not the actual marriage.
Post # 11
I put before marriage because we had to deal with having my husband immigrate here. But other than that we haven’t had difficult times.
I could see the first year being the hardest if you’ve never lived together before, especially if you’re going from your parents house to living with your spouse. Or moving really far away.
Post # 12
I think it really just depends on your circumstance. In the “old days”, I think the first year of marriage was typically the most challenging because it was the couple’s first time living together full time. Nowadays, most people live together before tying the knot so it takes away that big adjustment period.
Post # 13
We’ve only been married just shy of 3 months, but we were dating for 11+ years and living together for 6. There was no adjustment to be made, besides having all this free time I don’t have to dedicate to wedding planning!
I always question those who say things like “marriage is hard” or “marriage takes work”, like it’s something difficult. Our relationship has for the most part always been effortless, so I don’t expect marriage will be any different.
Post # 14
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
Thanks for the responses everyone! It really is interesting to see how different circumstances impact the relationship.
Post # 15
- Wedding: October 2017 - Baton Rouge, LA
our toughest year was def our first year living together. we were together for 7 years before we bought a house & moved in together. We were 22 & 23 coming straight from our parents homes. so it was a hugeee adjustment and constant compromises. I agree with anonbebe88: that when “the first years the hardest” quote came about, usually it was because the first year of marriage was also the first year of living together.
i am SOOO glad we got that bump in the road out of the way!