(Closed) The Flip

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
597 posts
Busy bee

I’ve never heard of a flip either!! My fiancé attended family gatherings with my family and vice versa long before we were talking marriage though, so I don’t understand why he’s putting so much stock into those events. That’s something that even a normal boyfriend should be ready to do.

Post # 4
Member
8734 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’ve never heard of that before. My DH and I split Christmas and other family gatherings for years before we were even engaged.

We also lived together for 2 years before getting engaged. I was a well accepted part of his family and he was a well accepted part of mine before we got engaged.

Granted we did date for 6 1/2 years before getting engaged and have family vacations together every year (one year with mine, next with his, etc) but aside from living in closer proximity to his family (and therefore spending more time with them) when it came to holidays we were pretty even. Even having a Christmas together with both our families before being engaged.

Post # 5
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@dansypants508: I haven’t seen nor heard of a guy “flipping” before the big commitment.

My Fiance and I have been together for over 2 and a half years and since the beginning we were splitting holidays… then, we started merging the families for the holidays (mine only consists of my parents here… he has 3 siblings, his grandma, his parents, and his aunts & uncles plus cousins from Chicago all come too..). So, his mom and dad started inviting us the first year we were together for Thanksgiving… then last year, Christmas.

I guess my way of thinking is, even though you aren’t engaged yet if he takes the relationship seriously he would at least start testing the waters with family functions such as a holiday tradition.

How long have the two of you been together?

I really think it depends on the guy. It kind of sounds like he still wants the party life, but likes having the stability you provide to lean back on. At this point, I don’t know how seriously I would take the time line.

Perhaps it’s time to really talk.. not about getting engaged (because that seems a little too intimidating to him right now). I think you should really sit down with him and ask exactly what he expects in the relationship currently. Then, I would bring up that you would like some compromise to be able to split a holiday this year between the families together. If he says again he’s not ready, ask him what is troubling him about that arrangement.

Good luck.. keep us posted!

Post # 6
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’ve never heard of a flip – but he sounds like he has got himself into a little personal crisis, probably thinks a 1/3rd of his life is now over and wants to achieve his goals all of a sudden.

I would wait it out a bit longer – wait for him to come to his senses. Just expect more when he reaches his mid life crisis!

Post # 7
Member
2853 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

FWIW, Fiance and I were together nine years before we made an effort to share holidays. But that change came when we realized we were in this to get married. It was a big adjustment for both of us – we each have things we like to do that make the holidays, and I refuse to eat three Thanksgiving meals in one day. We’re still kind of working that whole thing out, tbh.

I do like 

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@Jd64848704‘s suggestions. Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
3798 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am on board with all of you that never heard of a flip. Guys are what they are.

Mine always came with me to family functions, whether it be a major holiday or just a small birthday. I went with him, too. Sounds like your guy is just having a big crisis, which is common for that age, and needs time to figure himself out. Give it some time, see if he gets over it, and then you’ll know what to do. He should snap out of it soon. I went through a similar crisis this past year and Fiance just sort of hung on and kept his mouth shut. I eventually came to my senses.

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