(Closed) The FMIL what to do.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee

I’m confused. What does she do that’s so horrible?

And side note: I go see my little sister’s stuff if I am able/in-town. I’d be hurt if my big brother didn’t want to come to my game for just not reason.

Post # 4
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

It’s hard to be helpful when we have no idea what your Future Mother-In-Law has done to have you so upset.  From your post she sounds perfectly pleasant.  And I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask their son to come see their daughter’s volleyball game.  A little more info and we might be able to offer some input.

Post # 5
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I would be highly annoyed if this were to happen to me: He politely declined and so… they come and sit and wait for him in the lobby of his apartment and then “trap” him into coming to see his sister to wish her good luck before the game etc etc.

You need to sit down and talk about this.  From what you have said, I think you realize you have an SO problem, not an IL problem (they do have no sense of boundaries though).  A big issue here is his lack of not following through.  He told them no, they pushed back and he gave in.  Yes they may have came allllll the way to his apartment, blah blah blah, wah wah wah, but he didn’t make them come over- THEY chose to do this.  He had already told them no.  Obviously them pushing back works for them and they will continue to do it BECAUSE IT WORKS.  Stop making it work for them.  You have to look at them like 2 year olds wanting candy; they kick and scream, you give in because you’re tired of the noise and voila! all they have to do to get what they want is kick and scream.  Let them kick and scream all they want.  They will eventually stop.

Did you two have previous plans?  If so, you can also point out how he is putting his parents first instead of you guys. 

Post # 7
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

It’s really creepy that they were sitting in your living room and forced their adult son to go somewhere he didn’t want to. It’s okay to not go to everything, jeez.

Post # 8
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Can you expand more on what the issue is?  That they come by all the time unannounced?

Post # 11
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Well if you are on the same page, check out Toxic InLaws.  It’s really helpful and is pretty much a step by step guide.

Post # 13
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee

@Tunacupcakes: YIKES. Also-his mom grabbing you by the hair!? Unacceptable. Do not trust this woman.

Post # 14
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Deal with it now, or it will be there the rest of your life. Do you want your kids, if you have them, exposed to this, or controlled by her?

Take care of it now. and if Fiance doesn’t back you up…make sure you are ok with having it this way permanently, because things like this don’t magically get better with the ring (in face many bees can tell you it gets worse, not better).

Post # 15
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

What would I do? I guess I would take the world’s calmest approach. Invite her over, and you and Fiance calmly lay it on the line. Repeat back to her waht she has done and tell her that her behavior is no longer acceptible to either of you and if she continues, you will not see her anymore.

Of course, you have to be willing to do so…otherwise, it’s useless.

Remain calm during the whole conversation, even if she yells or carries on. This makes it very difficult for her to yell/carry on (if you are calm).

Post # 16
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I had a crazy ex-MIL (common-law) and she was the reason of our breakup.  She tried to give tours of my new house while criticizing it in front of me and would make things up to my ex that I was (not) saying.   Once our baby came, she went totally off the deep end, even claiming that anyone that breastfed past 3 months did it for sexual kicks!   It was a nightmare, and I hate knowing that my son is exposed to her when he sees is father (rarely, thank god.)

 

If you and your husband/finance don’t get on the same page about this now, it will just get bigger and bigger.    It’s so hard to do.   I don’t envy you at all.  

You deserve to be treated well and should not have to deal with this. 

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