- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
I am new here and got engaged 3 months ago. My wedding is in five months.
I need some honest advice from brides and alredy married to tell me if they experienced anything like this before.
I have been with my finace for 7 years and I could not imagine my life without him. All I wanted was to marry him one day , have children and grow old together. When I see him holding a child I just want to have babies with him. I am so happy with him even though we live in a 1br appt and do not have much.
Well, I have been a little confused and emotional during my engagement. First I srated planning my wedding and then we had to stop until my finaces parents resolve their housing situation( they got divorced).Then, I wanted to start furnishing our apartment and changing wall colors but I am again on hold because it depends now on the way my fiances parents resolve their housing situation, I might be living in the house with my future fater in law. I also lost my job a month a ago and do not have much to do right now, but think.
Since I have been in my relationship with my fiance my sister and my mom always tried to marry me to my brother in law’s cousin. He is very successfull and travels a lot. My sister would tell me things like: He could support you since he has so much money and you would not need to work so much to pay for your school and apartment. You could have everything with him and just enjoy life and travel. My sister would call me ocassionally and say his house could be yours and he also just bought an apartment. I used to say to myself I would rather live under tent with my fiance than with him in a castle. You could be living like a queen, she would say. I always though the cousin was funny and we would joke around, but I never liked him and always made fun of him. I was never in any relationship with him. He recently got engaged and his fiance quit her job and joined him, and they are now living Europe and traveling the Europe due to his job. She does not work, but she only shops, travels and enjoys her life, my sister recently told me. I was always happy for them and never jelaous. I always thought, my fiance and I are smart and will build our own home with the money WE earn togehter.
I went to my sister the other day and told her that I cannot plan my wedding because I am waiting for my fiance’s parents to resolve their housing situation and she said if you married my husband’s cousing you would have a house by now. I told her that I might be living with my fiances parents she said if you married my housband’s cousin you would already have a house. When he first bought the house she called me and said, you stupid, that could be your house if you guys married. I also told het the other day that my future mother in law is not willing to baby sit our children once we have them and she said if you married my husband’s cousing his parents would, they cannot wait to have a grandchild. I never paid any attention to what she was telling me. It would just go in one ear through the other.
I also asked her if she was nervous during her engagement and since she never liked to work or support herself in our house and our parents were going through a divorce she just told me” how much worse could it be than what I was already going through in our house”. She got married when she was 21, and her husband has been paying for her school and everything since then. She also told me just about a week ago to look out for myself and find a guy that will make me live like a queen so I do not have to work because all guys are the same pigs. They will find someone else as soon as there is a chance.
I always supported myself, got my degree , paid for it with my own money and helped my finace in any way I could. We were always there for each other. I love my fiance so much , but just yesterday I started thinking- What if my sister is right about her husband’s cousin? I do not know what kind of life I will have with my fiance and if we will ever be able to afford a home ( I lose my job but we still dream of buying a house one day). I know that I am scared of the unknown once we get married. My sister has been with her husband for 6 years, I thoughed, maybe she knows better. She is older and still married. What is our marrige does not last.
Please let me know if these thoughts are normal? I never thought of any other guy nor I want to be with, but why this now in my head? I used to ignore it before when she spoke to be about the cousin me within the few seconds. When I think of losing my fiance for that cousin and imagive my live with the cousin I start to vomit and run to the restroom.
Thank you so much!