(Closed) The Great Debate: Is it ok to snoop?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Is it ok to snoop?
    No, never. If you feel the need to snoop, you may as well break up bc there is no trust. : (64 votes)
    17 %
    No, you need to trust what your partner says and leave it at that. : (64 votes)
    17 %
    Yes, for any reason. SO shouldn't care if he/she has nothing to hide. : (72 votes)
    19 %
    Yes, but only with your SO's permission. : (33 votes)
    9 %
    Yes, but only if you have good reason to be suspicious. : (127 votes)
    34 %
    Yes, but only if your partner has been untrustworthy in the past. : (12 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    12635 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I don’t believe in snooping.  He leaves his email wide open, and I know the password to his phone, but I have no interest in going through anything.  I ask him what I want to know, and he answers; I trust his answers because he has never lied to me.   If I needed to snoop on him, I’d start questioning the viability of my relationship.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1832 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I don’t think snoop is the right word. I trust my DH and what he tells me I believe. However I know his passwords to everything and he knows mine. So if I need to find something out i will but I have never gone though his stuff because I thought he was doing something wrong. I needed to read an email from his account for one reason or another. Or I’m getting stuff together to sell at a flea market and went through every room in the house to sell unwanted unused items. Not because I thought something was up. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    4693 posts
    Honey bee

    If I had a real reason to look, I would. I have all his passwords for everything, so it wouldn’t be difficult. But I don’t look at them without a good reason. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    429 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I think it’s fine to look if you have a reason too, and you’re not just being unreasonably suspicious. If you have a reason to, then that means you dont fully trust your SO, (which in itself is a problem), which also means that asking him straight out won’t give you a true answer. So for your own sake,i think finding the truth out on your own is fine. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    5222 posts
    Bee Keeper

    We have each others passwords to everything… mainly because 99% of the time we are exchanging them while trying to pay bills, check emails or respond to social media stuff while the other one is busy.

    In my experience, those who want to or will cheat will do so regardless of if I am snooping on them or not. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    8044 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @bunnyharriet:  We have each other’s passwords, mostly for convenience sake because he’ll ask me to check his email/Facebook and vice versa. I have his email on my phone since he doesn’t have a smartphone.

    He’ll even ask me “did you read the email from my mom?” so I am updated on stuff. So it’s really not a big deal for us.

    I’ve looked into his email account before, and his FB messages once or twice. Really out of boredom/sheer curiosity than anything else. I’d be shocked if he was cheating on me… we spend most of our time together!

    So I don’t really consider what I do to be ‘snooping’. If I tried to hack into an account that I didn’t know the password, then that would be snooping.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3887 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    It’s absolutely never okay to invade someone’s privacy. If you can’t trust your mate, you either have trust issues, or you have the wrong mate. And snooping isn’t an  exercise in transparency; it’s avoidance of direct questioning and potential confrontation. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    6361 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Ok with good reason, but some people who are habitually mistrustful can’t tell a good reason from a bad one, so that is dangerous territory for them. Snooping for a bad or weak reason harms the relationship. My FI has never given me cause to snoop.

    Post # 12
    Member
    8469 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @bunnyharriet: My FI and I don’t snoop on each other, but we also don’t hide things from each other.  We have each other’s passwords for everything and habitually use each others’ computers and phones depending on what is more convenient.  We check each other’s emails, text messages, facebook all the time (with the other person’s knowledge/permission) and we don’t consider this snooping.  I guess if someone didn’t trust me enough to share all of this with me, I just wouldn’t be in the relationship.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1253 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2009

    If I had reason to believe DH was doing anything wrong, I would absolutely snoop.  However, he has never and would never cheat on me, and I don’t feel the need to snoop. We both have each other’s passwords to everything, but I never go on his accounts and he never goes on mine (with the exception of paying bills.)

    Post # 14
    Member
    8489 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I think if you have permission then its okay. I can the passwords to all of FI’s stuff because he gave them to me. He also doesnt care if I read his texts.

    Post # 15
    Member
    3093 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    If I feel the need to snoop…I do…and then I tell FI that I snooped and the reason why.  Usually I’m just impatient or worried…like I’ll always open a letter if it’s from the landlord…even if it’s addressed to FI.  I have to know if we’re being kicked out or if they’re coming to our house.  Emails…I’ll head in if I need to find out if someone replied back but FI isn’t keeping up on it. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    1516 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @bunnyharriet:  I’m definitely not into snooping and neither is my fiance.  We don’t share passwords, but I don’t have any issues with that.  If one of us wants the other to see something (such as an email, bank account balance, Facebook post, etc.), we’ll show it.  Neither of us has a passcode on our iPhones, so we can easily see texts or emails or whatever … But we don’t bother going through them.

    I wouldn’t consider myself a naive person (not at all), but I’ve honestly never felt the need to snoop through any boyfriend’s things.  It may have something to do with the way I was raised as well, though.  Growing up, my mom and I (I was the only child and my parents divorced when I was very young) made an agreement to always respect one another’s privacy.  If we felt the need to know about something, we would just ask.  It’s something that has carried over into my adult life.  I guess I feel like I should be able to trust someone I’m in a relationship with (or, in my current situation, someone I’m going to marry) enough to know that if I ask about something, he’ll give me a straight answer.  To me, it’s a sign of respect.

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