(Closed) The Great Name Debate

posted 7 years ago in Names
  • poll: Are you changing your name
    No, we both want to keep our names just how they are : (14 votes)
    12 %
    No, FI is taking my name : (2 votes)
    2 %
    Yes, I'll be taking FI's name and not using mine at all : (71 votes)
    60 %
    Yes, I'll be taking FI's and using mine as my middle name : (16 votes)
    13 %
    Yes, we're both changing it (to something different, or hyphenating) : (5 votes)
    4 %
    Other (state below) : (11 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    572 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I ended up dropping my maiden name and added DH’s last name as mine.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1326 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

    Well, we are both women, but I will be dropping my name. I’ve had 3 last names (mom remarried several times), so I’m not too attached to my current last name. It’s like the third or forth most common last name in the US as well. My Fiance really doesn’t want to change her last name, so I’ll just be taking on her last name since she cares about her last name and I don’t. 😉

    Post # 5
    Member
    1556 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I dropped my maiden name totally and took my husband’s name.  It really meant a lot to my husband.  Though he’d not have insisted, I knew he’d be hurt if I didn’t.  Though at the time we got married, I was using my maiden name socially, legally I still had my ex-husband’s name (I wanted to change it in the divorce, but that’s a long story).  I had NO hesitation getting rid of that one and wanted to share a name with my husband.

    Though a lot of Bees are keeping their maiden name, I don’t personally know many women who have.  I have met a few, but none of my close friends, high school or college acquaintances, or family members have.  All have taken their husband’s name.  Maybe it’s a regional thing.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2463 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    i voted other–i added his and use both as my last name, like hyphenated but without an actual hyphen

    Post # 6
    Member
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    @bellagio: This is one thing I’ve been curious about – is there a social “norm” for homosexual couples?

    I moved my maiden to the middle name position, and took my husband’s last name. I didn’t want to lose such a big part of my identity, but it was really important to me that we share a name, for religious reasons.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1126 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I’m hyphenating.  It’s partially a professional thing, and partially because I really love my last name but also want to have the same last name as my future children and family.  I’ll probably use my maiden name at work and my married name socially, and only write out the full hyphenate on legal forms and whatnot.  But this way I can pick and choose what I want to be called.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1267 posts
    Bumble bee

    I actually only know of 2 women in my circle of friends that took the man’s name.  That could have a lot to do with where I live and also that most are professionals in their name rightly.  Most either hyphenated or just kept their own name.  I took my ex’s name and it was a nightmare so when I marry my bf I’ll just keep mine.  Besides, I like my name and I can’t find one legitimate reason to give up my identity and take his identity, namewise.  I guess if I heard of a good reason to do it, I might.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3624 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I’ll be dropping my maiden name all together and taking his. I will probably get my maiden name scripted somewhere on my body, because it will always be a part of me.

    Post # 10
    Member
    668 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    My Fiance and I just discussed this last night XD  I’m going to take both of his last names, one from his mom’s side of the fam, and one from his dad’s, and I’ll be dropping my last name.  I guess I really like the traditional approach to it.

    Post # 11
    Member
    384 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I voted other.  I’m legally changing my name completely to FI’s last name.  I will use it in personal business and socially.  At work I will continue to use my maiden name.  I work in a field where some level of anonimity can be a good thing.  So at work, my e-mail and directory listing will stay with my maiden name, but my paychecks and health insurance will have FI’s last name.  It’s pretty common among those in my field.

    Post # 12
    Member
    22 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I can’t decide whether I will be using my maiden + his last unhyphenated or hyphenate them.  Does anyone have thoughts on which one is “better”?

    Post # 13
    Member
    6572 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2010

    I’m old fashioned, I took his name. It was weird at first, but really it’s just a name. Changing it doesn’t change who I am.

    Post # 14
    Member
    646 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I’m not generally traditional, and many of female friends and family have opted to keep their maiden name after marriage, but I happily took my husband’s name.  My father and I have never had a good relationship, and he is an incredibly abusive person, so I was happy to rid myself of any connection to him.  And he disowned me the day after the wedding, so I’m doubly happy to be rid of his name.  My Fiance and his family are much more honorable so I’m thrilled to share a name with them.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1326 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

    @ddw:I’m not sure if there is a norm for name change. I only know one other couple who actually got legally married and considers themselves married (versus long-time, live-in girlfriend/boyfriend). I think because of the laws and stigma, not as many same sex couples go through actual marriage right now. The other couple I know had a similar situation (where one person didn’t care about their last name and the other did, so they both took the last name of the person who didn’t want to change the last name).

    One thing I’ve noticed in reading about same sex couples and statistics is that there is a lot less gender stereotyping and a lot more shared roles, especially in parenting, so no one gets assigned stereotypically male or female roles (like mowing the lawn, cooking, etc.).

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