(Closed) the great stripper debate

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: your opinions?
    i dont care if my man looks at another naked woman : (61 votes)
    34 %
    damn straight i care : (49 votes)
    28 %
    he has no interest in strippers : (67 votes)
    38 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2239 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Do you trust him? If you do, you just have to trust he’ll do the right thing. Then it’s really up to him to choose whether or not he’s going to do the right thing or not. I don’t have a problem with strippers because I know my fiance wouldn’t cheat on me, especially not with a stripper because he thinks they’re dirty. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    7300 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I use to be a stripper. We aren’t all money hungry whores who will perform sexual favors foran extra $500. But Listen, be honest with yourself. If you have a problem with it, then speak up. So many women are afraid to say something because they don’t want to appear bossy. Eff that. You are an adult. Express how you feel about it and how you will feel at the wedding. Stand by your choice. If it’s a deal breaker for you and he does it, then cancel the wedding. If he tells you he won’t, but you find out he did, ask yourself if you want to marry a liar. That’s how I feel. Don’t be a pushover and don’t let his friends make you feel like you might be a bridezilla for asking him not to go.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1057 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    Oh the great debate… I see it this way, the more you stress to him that it’s not okay, the more he’s going to want to do it because it’s “forbidden.” The only thing I can say is don’t bring it up, it’s obviously an issue he isn’t comfortable discussing. And after the B-party I wouldn’t ask him what happened or anything. Assess his behavior, and if you feel that something went on that could possibly hurt your relationship, then talk to him about it. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    2239 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    @cllyons: Well the trust thing goes for the grinding/touching thing too as well as whatever your other boundaries might be. So if you trust him, don’t stress over it. He’s a grown man and should be able to make choices for himself without being influenced by his buddies.

    Post # 10
    Member
    852 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    “he doesn’t care”   BWAHAHAHHAAHAHA. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. You know the second guys start talking stag parties, their (or their friends) first thought is “strip club”. It’s not all skanky hoes desperate for some money – I’ve been lucky to be on the grooms side in 2 weddings and have gone with the guys for their stag parties in both cases. I’ve also worked as a the front door girl in a club, so I know what it’s like. In most cases, YES they WANT to go, but the good news is: many of them are TOO SCARED or nervous to feel comfortable around the girls, so it’s not like they are going buck wild grabbing body parts and whatnot. It’s really comparable to the geisha scene – the girls are there for decoration, and they end up talking about football or *insert guy topic of convo here*.

    It’s up to you do make your expectations clear. My girlfriends and I know that our hubbies like to look, and we’ve even bought dances for our husbands – but that’s b/c they know we’re okay with it, and they know if they ever tried anything beyond a dance, they’d be out on the street. 

    Truthfully, I’m not down with escort service strippers. I know of girls who’ve done it and come back traumatized due to the way the party turned – as in, guys pressuring them, or even other hired girls pressuring them. I’ve also heard of girls who make offers, etc. NO WAY IN HELL would I allow my hubby to go to a party like that. A club is one thing, but a private setting is another. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee

    @Miss Tattoo:  I like your post.

    And my Fiance HAS NO interest in strip clubs, so I disagree with those who argue that it’s impossible.  If you don’t like, make it explicit.  You’re not a bitch/bridezilla for wanting what you want as long as you say it nicely.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1871 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    @Miss Tattoo: Ditto!

    OP, I think you are overthinking this somewhat. If it makes you uncomfortable, then it makes you uncomfortable and he shouldn’t do it. Period. It’s not an unreasonable thing to be uncomfortable about, so you don’t have to justify it. And I say this as someone who doesn’t care if her Darling Husband goes to strip clubs with his friends for bach. parties. If you don’t dig it, stand up for yourself and put your foot down. Going to a strip club is not a rite of passage for grooms; you’re not preventing him from having some life-altering experience.

    I’m also of the opinion that you have to accept that to some extent, once you allow your guy to go to the strip club, you are also allowing a lot of behaviors to transpire that you probably wouldn’t like. Now yes, there is a line between watching and having a lapdance versus say, having oral sex with a stripper. But my point is, you can’t possibly know every single nuance of what *could* go on in a strip club (like him being taken up on stage and whipped as another poster had happen to her FI) and then you factor in the alcohol and the peer pressure and it’s MORE likely he will engage in doing something you wouldn’t like even though technically, it’s still within the bounds of what you approved. For example, you said “no touching.” Does that mean he can’t touch them but they might touch them? Can he get lapdances (which, by the way, will probably happen because that’s what guys do–they buy the groom lapdances)? How would you feel if he got 11 lapdances? How about lapdances by 3 women at the same time? 

    I say this because there are so many posts on the bee from women who thought they were okay with it and then their Fiance went, they found out what transpired, and then they really had problems. You need to be honest with yourself–if you don’t like it, then you don’t like it. And he should respect you enough such that he wouldn’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

    And finally, there are PLENTY of men who have non-strip-club bach. parties. In fact, my own DH’s favorite bachelor parties have included activities such as: golf, fishing, a shooting range, and going to a baseball game.

    Post # 15
    Member
    3762 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Everyone is going to have a different opinion on strippers and what they are comfortable with.  That is totally fine.  What is really important is that you and your Fiance agree on what is acceptable and what is not and that you trust him to follow through on that agreement.  

    I don’t think its fair though to “hope” he makes the right decision.  If you are uncomfortable with something, you need to clearly express that.  Hopefully he agrees to abide by that.  This isn’t something you should “test” him and see if he makes the right decision.  You are setting yourself up for disappointment by doing that.  

    Post # 16
    Member
    615 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @cllyons: just wanted to say, don’t be so hard on yourself! You talk about your weight and how you aren’t “skinny”…….your Fiance loves you for you :-). You are a beautiful woman! Don’t ever forget that. I think we as women are harder on ourselves than we should be. Good luck with the wedding. I know it will be wonderful :-).

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