(Closed) The Grinch who stole Christmas or Thanksgiving for that matter

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1832 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Bear didn’t do anything wrong here, so don’t hold this against her. All she did was extend your parents then you and your husband an invitation to Thanksgiving dinner with her family.

If a tradition was ruined your parents did that, and this is an issue to bring up with them.

Why not host Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner at your house/apt this year or next year? Make everyone aware that you plan on hosting one of these next year if this year isn’t possible.

Post # 4
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Erm, maybe your parents grow weary of hosting the holiday as they get older? Maybe another invitation was a welcome change? I don’t think this “bear” person meant any harm, other than to be hospitable. Maybe if the family had a, “you get here when you get here” mentality, they felt like they were 2nd on the priority list, and just figured they’d 1) remove the cumbersome logistics of multi-family celebrating for you, and 2) take a load off from cooking for once.

Post # 7
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I also don’t think Bear should get the blame. Perhaps you should shedule lowkey get together for your folks and inlaws on the non holidays?

Maybe they don’t feel comfortable or perfer for whatever reason not to spend holidays with your inlaws.

While it stinks I think once we grow up and have siblings with different spouses it gets harder and every year we don’t all get to be together. That’s just life.

Post # 8
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

This is kind of typical in most families- people get older, married, divorced, spouses die. You just have to make your traditions more elastic and try to find a way to make it feel like the holidays regardless of where you are or who you’re able to spend the day with. Lots of us have to make compromises to spend holidays with family. 

When you have children, or maybe now, despite how you feel about the home you’re in, you should find a way to host a holiday. People cook thanksgiving dinners in studio apartments. It just takes creativity. Why can’t your family have two holiday dinners, perhaps on two subsequent days or weekends? What about enjoying the holiday with your fiance? Don’t hold your hurt feelings against your parents or Bear. They’ve done nothing wrong in this situation and I think it’s kind of lovely that she’s so keen on getting closer to your family.

Post # 9
46406 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Bear is not likely trying to ruin your family’s traditions. She simply was courteous and extended an invitation to her SO’s parents. They are the ones who accepted without  checking plans with you.

Instead of waiting for someone else to make the plans, then get hurt feelings when they are not what you want, you could take the iniative and extend an invitation yourself.

Whether you host at your home or your parents, is irrelevant. A pp has said, maybe your Mom and Dad are simply tired of doing all the hosting. Maybe your parents are thinking of going out of town because they are trying to avoid dealing with reactions such as yours?

Family traditions evolve over time especially when children grow up and add partners to the family.

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