- 5 years ago
Good morning Bees!
I wasn’t sure where to post this since it’s about waiting and about friendships, but since I spend most time here, I thought this might be ok.
For those of you that may have read my previous posts, I may seem like kind of a whiner. I don’t really have any good girl friends to talk to about stuff, and since everyone here is so helpful, this is the best way for me to get input from other women. Thank you in advance to anyone who responds and a gold star to whoever finishes reading all of this.
Background: I have been with my SO for over 4 years, originally unofficially living together, but LD for the last 2 years due to him getting a job in a larger city and then my going to grad school (I’ll be done in December yay!). We are very much in love and I can’t imagine my life without him (cliche I know).
Situation #1: SO and I originally had a timeline that we would get engaged sometime between this coming New Year’s and next September (I told him not before I graduate and move in with him in December). We have discussed different ring options, but he isn’t open to getting nondiamond rings or getting the wedding band before the diamond ring or anything like that. We’re both really honest with each other, but lately I’ve been feeling sad that I know so much and wishing he had just surprised me with something. If he had just told me he had a plan, that’s all I really needed. The last couple nights, he keeps telling me that he wants to get me an even more expensive ring and now he might not be able to afford it until 2014. It just sucks because as patient as I usually am, I really didn’t want to wait over a year from now, but I will do my best. I guess I just need somewhere to talk with people that are in a similar situation.
Situation #2: So was recently asked to be a groomsman in his friend’s wedding for this spring. This made me very happy because I wasn’t sure that he would be asked and based on their relationship, I felt like he should have been (I know I shouldn’t expect anything from someone else’s wedding). Since I was so excited about it, I searched all kinds of information about what happens to a groomsman’s girlfriend on the Bee and other places. My excitement dissipated and turned to sadness upon realizing that I likely will hardly get to see SO at all that day, assuming I would even be invited.
Let me interject by saying that I’m not a selfish person by nature and I am not trying to be selfish in this situation. I understand that this is not my day and I am not trying to ruin it for anyone else. I am just trying to feel more comfortable with it.
This couple has hurt me multiple times in the recent past. They seem to get along great with my SO, but for some reason they have never been willing to give me a chance despite that I have really tried to be nice to them. This is really upsetting because I have a history of having been left out by people that I thought were my friends and I really don’t want to deal with people like that anymore. SO thinks they are just great and doesn’t seem to comprehend that they have lied to us about things so he thinks I’m crazy. Lol. He also doesn’t think it’s weird that he has never met any of their other friends who will also be involved in the wedding. I do of course.
Anyway, I’m trying to come to terms with having to sit alone all day in a room of people I don’t know because I never had the opportunity to get to know them. The ceremony and reception will be at the same place so I’m not sure how that affects seating arrangement. It seems unlikely that I would be invited to any of the events leading up to the wedding (SO was invited to the engagement party….I wasn’t) so I still won’t get to meet anyone else that’s involved. SO is 100% sure that I will be invited to the wedding, but I’m not so sure. If I am invited, I’m wondering if I should even go. I know that sounds sort of selfish, but no one would notice that I wasn’t there, other than SO. I could avoid driving alone to wherever it’s at and avoid sitting alone all day while I watch SO dance with bridesmaids. Obviously I did not expect someone who has no interest in getting to know me to make me their bridesmaid. I’m just so tired of dealing with people that don’t want to be friends with me.
What would you Bees do in this situation? Would you go and be lonely all day for your SO? Would you stay home and save some money and hurt feelings?
Please don’t tell me that it’s their day and they should be able to do whatever they want. I know that and that’s why I am not asking anything of the bride or groom. I’m just trying to reconcile their past poor treatment of me and my feelings in the best way so that I won’t be hurt again without hurting anyone else.