(Closed) The Groomsman's Girlfriend Update

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I would go to the wedding but the bridal shower will be super awkward if you don’t get along with the bride since it will be a more intimate setting. I definitely don’t think you should offer to help them plan. You don’t need to get more involved than any other guest.

Post # 5
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

There must be more to this story, but I’m sticking with my previous advice of either politely decline (and don’t send a gift, let your boyfriend get his own damn gift if he wants to!), or go and make a fool of yourself (by that I mean get drunk and clearly enjoy yourself at their expense).

Post # 7
Member
3686 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It’s terrible that they’ve already told you that you’re not invited to the rehearsal dinner. As the SO of a bridal party member, you should automatically be invited.

Post # 9
Member
476 posts
Helper bee

I was in the EXACT same situation last summer.

My boyfriend was a Groomsmen and ALL the other GM’s SO’s were Bridesmaid or Best Man. I got invited to the shower and the wedding but nothing else. I spent probably close to $200.00 on gifts.

At the rehearsal dinner my boyfriend was very uncomfortable because he was the only one without a date and he kept hearing the couple telling people that I declined their invite because I had to work (complete BS, I had very clearly not been invited).

The only difference was that I did get along pretty well with the couple before all the wedding planning started. I think it just worked out that this girls friends were also dating the guys friends, and she and I aren’t super close so I wasn’t included (which makes sense). I think she probably didn’t notice I was the only one excluded until it was too late to do or say anything about it.

The right thing for her to do would have been to invite me to the Bachelorette party and the rehearsal dinner as my guy’s date and try to at least make an effort to make it a little less awkward. She chose to pretend like nothing was wrong.

Post # 11
Member
476 posts
Helper bee

@epilove:  

I have just found that I always got mixed messages from this girl. My boyfriend and the groom have been friends since the 5th grade (they are 27 now). The four of us have gone away for long weekends together, so they clearly don’t have a problem with me, but then she sometimes goes out of her way to say things that make me feel really left out.

The group were all invited to another wedding a month after hers and ALL of the girls showed up with matching purses. Like an idiot I said, “oh weird, you all have the same bag!”

Her response, “of course we do, I gave them to everyone as a Bridesmaid or Best Man gift”….. her tone of voice said “DUH!!”

Post # 12
Member
476 posts
Helper bee

@epilove:  All the other girls had thought I was being rude by not showing up to all the events. When they found out that I had deliberately not been invited (they had been told I kept declining) they were shocked. Couldn’t believe how rude she had been.

Post # 14
Member
476 posts
Helper bee

@epilove:  I agree, notice how I was also invited to a shower.

Actually, the bride had two showers. I was invited to one that was mainly just family. The BM’s were invited to the one for friends. I think she thought that I would decline when I found out I wasn’t going to know anyone there (decline, but send a gift of course). Joke was on her though, I went…. made friends with her aunts and had a good time.

Post # 16
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@epilove:  Rehearsal dinner is usually just close family and the wedding party. I’ve never been to a Rehearsal Dinner for anyone who wasn’t immediate family or where I wasn’t in the wedding.

Also, I think you need to suck it up and do as your SO suggested. You refusing to even try is going to only work against you with your SO. These are his friends, people he cares for, you need to be the bigger person and be polite and friendly. 

When he see’s that you do nothing but try to be polite and friendly with them and they just keep shutting you down, he will eventually realize this friendship has run it’s course. But until that day happens you need to keep trying, for the sake of the man you claim to care about.

Also I don’t think they are telling your SO that your an important friend just so he doesn’t back out, I think they are playing nice so that you are left being the only one not playing nice. If they remain cordial and friendly towards you when your SO is around, and you are refusing to try, who do you think your sO will drop in the end?

Not them. As long as they appear to play nice, then it will always seem like it’s all your fault and you won’t even give them a chance.

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