Post # 1
You’re the only people I can turn to!
We got engaged in November. I’d been dreaming of being engaged so already had a rough guest list ready for Mr. Mellow and his mother. Three days after he popped the question, I gave Future Mother-In-Law her list and asked her to look it over and fill in current addresses. I still haven’t gotten it back.
I wouldn’t really mind, because I know I’m a little crazy, but today, I feel like I need it. It’s like a smoker who quit and is craving some nicotine. I can’t stop tapping my feet. Or clicking my pen. I’m driving everybody (especially myself) crazy!
Basically, I wanted our wedding to be about 150 people at most. Right now, we’re at 155 WITHOUT FMIL’s list. My parents’ list is 61 people, I have 48, and Mr. Mellow has 46. I’ve been the only one to cut my list, and now I feel so much regret. I know for sure that one couple who was cut just sent out an invitation to their 50-person wedding, and Mr. Mellow and I have been included. Insert guilt here. Assuming that FMIL’s list is 40 people, we’re still up to 195. Way. Too. Many!
Somebody please talk me off the ledge. Because right now, I’m questioning why Mr. Mellow has four people that I’ve never met on his list, why my mother has two (fourth) cousins on hers, and why in the world Future Mother-In-Law can’t bother to take time out of her completely unscheduled and boring day to open her address book. Smack me upside the head, tell me it will work out, and to quit being crazy. 🙂
Post # 3
I can just give you hugs. I’m right up on that ledge with you.
Post # 4
DON’T JUMP!!! (((hugs)))
Can your Fiance talk to her? Often these conversations come along better when it’s coming from their own child.
As far as your numbers situation, you shouldnt be the only person cutting your list. I think it’s fair to tell EVERYONE they need to make a “B” list to get you into the range.
Post # 5
I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend!!
Post # 6
Agree with FranksMama on everyone cutting their list…and it wouldn’t hurt to have a B list in this kind of situation. There are lots of good posts on how to execute the B list safely without hurting anyones feelings.
Hang in there!
Post # 7
sounds like you need an A-list and a B-list (maybe even a C-list) to help manage your numbers!! Ask your mother, Future Mother-In-Law, Fiance to decide who is a definite A and who is more like a B (and no not everyone on the list can be an A!!! 😛 )
i’m also not looking forward to dealing with guest list drama 🙁
Post # 8
I feel your pain. No good advice really but I feel your pain. I feel like I’m the only one who really worked hard to cut the list. I try to take a step back and realize that even though my Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law cousins who we barely know make up a big part of the guest list its all about family. I guess I just let it go after about 3 months of being on the ledge. My in-laws know I’m not thrilled with the numbers so it is what it is. I wanted 130 people (ok lets be real when this started I wanted 75 but that lasted about 3 days) and we now have 180. Sigh.
Post # 9
i had similar guest list issues, and found it was best to set a “limit” for everyone – and i encouraged B-lists (which no one took me up on, but thats a whoooole separate issue)
i originally wanted to invite no more than 200 people to our wedding, and Future Mother-In-Law told me when i first asked that she “tentatively had 120 people on her list, but was still missing some.” right then we instituted the maximum numbers – both sets of parents got 50 and Fiance and i got 100. period. i mean, there was a little wiggle room (new jobs mean new friends, etc.) but everyone stayed within that space
i would re-evaluate the whole thing, tell everyone your expectations, and go from there. it sounds harsh, but cuts have to be made somewhere, but you don’t have to be the only one making them
Post # 10
And remember not every single person you invite will be available to attend. I agree with the A & B list thing. And its YOUR wedding, so if there are couples you guys are close to, you shouldn’t have to cut them because Future Mother-In-Law wants to invite her friends who you guys don’t know.
Post # 11
Thanks you guys! I knew I could count on you for some good advice and to make me smile (@KatieDee, love the lyric)! I guess I shouldn’t panic too much until I get FMIL’s actual guest count, too. Fingers crossed, and good luck to all the other ladies struggling with this issue!!
Post # 12
Are most of your guests in town? Do you have a strong feeling for how many people will actually attend vs how many are invited? This is my second wedding and I was very surprised the first time around at how many people didn’t come. I know most people say to count on 80% of your list attending, and there are even more detailed ways of guessing (out of town guests have a higher percentage of “no’s” than in-town guests). So with your 195 people x 80% – that’s 156 people.
I know you don’t want to automatically count on some people not being there, but realistically all of your guests probably are not going to make it. If you think most people will attend then I think your Fiance needs to put his foot down with his mom and explain that everyone gets a certain number of guests (no ifs, ands or buts about it).
Post # 13
@MissMellow: Dumb question.. but who’s paying for this? If it’s the parents, then I don’t know if you have a lot of say on who gets invited.
If it’s you and your Fiance… then you and your Fiance need to sit and talk about the list and the budget and how they go together.
THEN set a limit. Divide the total by however many are involved (my suggestion, you and your Fiance get half, each set of parents get a fourth). Unless you want to be more even and go thirds all the way around. 😉
Post # 14
@Zinzerena:My parents are paying for everything, which I adore and is why I’m not even touching the subject with them. His mom isn’t contributing anything, even for a rehearsal dinner. Which is understandable, but why I don’t think she should have a big say in the guest list.
Post # 15
@Lovebird724: Good idea, give everyone a limit to the amount they can invite!
Post # 16
@MissMellow: ahhhhh… that makes sense. 🙂 And understandable!
If it helps any, we have a total of around 70 invites to go out, but with kids, it’ll be a max of 200 (estimating up). Admittedly, we’re sure some will not be able to come and others will not bring their kids, but… even if HALF show… UGH!!!
Hopefully we’ll be able to convince those coming out of town/state to rent a cabin where the wedding is taking place (since it makes more sense to stay where the wedding is taking place rather than drive to a a hotel, to the location, then back again. But… I don’t think the cabins will hold 100 people, since there aren’t THAT many cabins! (Oh, crap… I just NOW thought of that!!!! not gonna worry about that until later…. way later…. way WAY later….)