(Closed) The guest list…who has a say!?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
11270 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Rehema:  those who pay, get the say.

Post # 4
Member
5242 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Rehema:  We are having a destination wedding also and my mother wanted to invite all of her friends saying the same thing your mother said. She just wouldnt understand that I wanted “small and intimate”. I let her write down a list of who she wanted to invite and I then looked over it and told her who I approved of inviting and who I did not. She had to live with my decisions because it is my wedding (yeah I sound like a brat but it’s my wedding!)

Post # 6
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

In the etiquette books I’ve read, it states that you should allow the parents of bride and groom to invite friends of the family or whatever, if they wish (I’m not sure if this applies only to situation where the parents are helping to foot the bill or if it’s just a courtesy to the parents).  But I would say, you should give your mom a set number and tell her that’s all she’s getting and that you want to stick to a certain number of total invites.  If you don’t want her input on the guest list, so be it.

Post # 8
Member
2715 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Whoever is paying gets to say.

What might be helpful is to figure out a total number of guests that you can afford and divide the guest list up.  30% your family, 30% FI’s family, 30% FI’s and your friends, and 10% parents’ friends.  Then you parents can use up those slots however they want.

Post # 9
Member
5242 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Rehema:  My mom was the same..but I said no 100 time until she finally understood! We have 58 guests confirmed for our destination wedding and out of that number 8 of them are her friends so I think she ended up having more than enough of her friends there lol

Post # 10
Member
1014 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Maybe since your Mom doesn’t think these people would attend, she’d be happy sending  out wedding announcements to her friends/family after the event.  Then she could share her good news, but keep it out of your budget.  As many PPs pointed out, those who pay get final say.  The end!  🙂

Post # 11
Member
8471 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Arg.. this was a little issue for me too.. However, it all worked out. 

My mom paid I’d say 98% of our wedding costs, so basically she gets the say.  But she knew how I felt about certain people… If they haven’t seen me in years and have not even met my husband, then why should they get an invitation?! (my late dad’s cousins/aunts)  Plus my mom knew I was adamant about not having a big wedding.  (I had exactly what I wanted, 100 guests.) 

And NEVER assume someone won’t come.  Picture it as every single invitation you send out is a yes.

Good Luck!

Post # 12
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I know a lot of people believe that whoever pays for the wedding gets to decide, but parents who pay for the wedding need to realize it’s the CHILDREN’S WEDDING, not theirs. They had their turn. The bride and groom are in charge of inviting and NOT inviting people, for that matter. If the parents have a problem with it, they can just deal. <-I know that sounds rude, but I didn’t have any issues with my parents. Just my DH’s, and they got over it. 🙂

Post # 13
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Why do parents need to invite friends? That’s one eitquette rule that is completley stupid IMO. It’s YOUR wedding, not their party… You pay, you decide who comes.

Post # 14
Member
909 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

if they are paying, they get a say. my parents are paying for the majority of my wedding and are inviting some of their friends that I barely know! I thought it was unfair since I had to cut off some people I was close to in order to invite them, but they are the ones with the money….

Post # 15
Member
327 posts
Helper bee

just gave her a number of places and she can invite who she wants. n you dont have to worry.

Post # 16
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@PinkAndPearls2013:  I would still find a way to invite my friends thoughFrown It’s unfair

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