(Closed) The guestlist

posted 9 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
Member
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am having this same problem! My family is so huge, our numbers are actually very similiar to yours. We have had to decide that to keep it under 130 guests, which is our absolute limit, that the only friends of ours there will be in the wedding party, and the rest of the guests will be grandparents, aunts and uncles who we are close too, and other family members. No dates allowed for us, either. The only way I see this changing for us is if we miraculously find some more money in the budget… Frown

Post # 4
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Totally having this issue, too. We are trying to keep it to 150 max and that’s pretty much an epic fail already. We’ve got no kids policy, no dates outside of marrieds/engageds/long terms, etc. but it is adding up really quickly. It’s SO frustrating. It’s not so much a matter of $$$ because my mom keeps saying a few extra won’t break the bank and stuff like that; it’s more a space constraint issue. While it doesn’t exceed the max capacity for my venue, having more than 150 is going to make the reception a lot less comfortable and look cluttered and just not as good as it could look.

Guestlists SUCK. 

Post # 5
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Most of the time it does work out.  I agonized over the exact same problem.  We hoped (and budgeted!) for 125-150 MAX.  Had everyone we invited actually shown, we would have had 214.  YIKES!  Up until 1 week before the RSVP deadline, we had 10 yeses for every 1 no, so I was definitely sweating.  In the end, though, our final count was 142, right in our comfort zone.  Most of the nos end up waiting to respond until the last minute just in case something changes.

Post # 6
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

We have an A & B list too. It sucks but it had to be done.

We’re not having any children either. I think the youngest will be my nephew & he’ll be 15 by that time.

I think we’ll be inviting everyone over drinking age with a +1 but I don’t see anything wrong with your +1 plan.  Friends of ours were married a few years ago and it was established among our group that if you have someone special bring them – don’t bring someone just for the sake of having a date. They sort of set the precedent for us but you could easily spread the word yourselves.

We ran into a lot of  problems with both sets of parents adding people we would never have on the list. It was the “Well, we were invited to their children’s wedding so we have to invite them to yours!” theory.  Most of these are people that neither Fiance or I have seen in 15-20years. We both approached our own parents individually and said that if they insisted on these people being guests that they’d have to pay for them.

Post # 7
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@Dancy – I’m having the parents inviting people I haven’t seen or had a relationship with in ages issue as well. They are paying so I really can’t do anything about it but it’s annoying because I know my mom just feels “obligated” and is doing it because of that, not because they actually want them to be there.

Post # 9
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I hear you ladies – so far this has been one of our biggest hurdles. It’s such a pain in the @$$! I had a huge argument with my mom about it. I mean, I haven’t seen most of these people since I was in highschool and they’ve never even met my Fiance.  I left emotion out of it & had to be logical when I talked to my parents about it. I’ve let a lot of things roll off my back but this was something that I had to stand my ground. It may sound harsh, but the bottom line is these people are my parents’ guests. Not mine.

@jaylii9 – can you maybe talk to your Mom about how additional guests add to the final budget? Maybe you can cover the extra favors, programs, etc. but she covers the extra price of the place settings?

Post # 11
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think your idea about sending Save-The-Date Cards only to your core list is a good one. 

We had kind of a similar problem but with a different ending.  FI’s family is HUGE like 50 cousins and they all have kids.  Initially I wanted to just invite the cousins that we know and/or get along with.  But then his mom told me that that would probably hurt a lot of people’s feelings so we decided to not invite any of his cousins, just his aunts and uncles and their SOs (this is still like 30 people).  So now my guestlist is short because we have deleted all of the cousins and I am kind of looking for more people to add on.

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