(Closed) the guilt is killing me!

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
853 posts
Busy bee

Waiting for a proposal can be a very stressful time. Before I got engaged, I felt bad for discussing the whole marriage thing with him (thought I had taken away some of the spark), I felt guilty that my friend had showed him which ring I liked, I felt like I had ruined the surprise, etc. etc. etc….


But y’know what? Once you get engaged all of that will float away! I promise you! You guys will be in such a state of bliss once it happens, that everything before will seem silly. Trust me—I cried to my mom, I thought I had wrecked everything….but once he proposed it was truly magical, and nothing before regarding the proposal mattered. You will laugh about it time. Don’t worry! Just keep it to yourself, and when the moment comes celebrate! πŸ™‚

Post # 4
99 posts
Worker bee

I’m sure I’d feel the same way – and let that be a lesson to me (and other bees) for looking for signs of a ring purchase!  But I think Jules28 offered great words of wisdom. Consider all the anxiety and other emotions you’ve felt during the wait, trade in that guilt for some relief, and just excited that things are moving forward.  πŸ™‚

Post # 5
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You just found out he bought it ? Did you see it or do you know what it looks like and you are not suppose to ?

If it’s just that you know that he bought it then don’t worry, you shouldn’t feel guilty but rather excited becasue you don’t know when he will do it πŸ™‚

I’d love to know when my SO finally buys a ring. He is still looking and has been for almost 4 months. I’d be excited if I by some sneaky way found out that he finally picked one. I just don’t want to see it, i want to see it for the first time when he gives it to me πŸ™‚

Post # 7
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

shame on you……

Post # 8
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Swizzle:  Shame on her?

Don’t feel guilty! Be happy! It will still be a great moment when he proposes!

I know what my ring looks like, and roughly when it will happen and we both are so excited!

Post # 9
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Honestly, I would tell him.  I can’t keep anything from my Fiance (nor do I want to). The damage is already done.

Post # 10
2777 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

How did you come across the invoice?  If you were snooping I would feel bad if he left it out, somewhere and you stumbled opon it I wouldn’t feel bad.

My guy asked me to go get his car keys from his box where he keeps all his stuff and I noticed a business card in there, out of curiosity I looked at it and it said Jewelry Exchange, I had a mini heartattack.

He had talked about his how his coworker’s wife worked there but seeing the business card there made me realize he was seriously considering marrying me.  And I felt bad because I had said I wasn’t sure I would want anything there because chances are it would be low quality (I had the impression it was more like a pawn shop than a store for some reason.)  This all happened more than a year before he proposed to me but seeing the card was like whoo he reallly does want to marry me kind of thing.

Later on when we were seriously talking about marriage again I looked online at the jewelry exchange diamonds and they were soo cheap, I was still worried but told him it was worth a looksee since we had already gone looking a little so he could know what I liked I wasn’t worried about him going there anymore because I knew he would get the specs that I wanted now he was aware of them.  I never told him I found the business card and it never mattered.

I think in your case it really depends on how you got a hold of the invoice.  If you accidently found it I wouldn’t say anything I would just be happy that you know he really wants to marry you!

Post # 11
853 posts
Busy bee

OP, don’t say anything to him!! If he wants to propose to you, you need to respect that this is a special time for HIM too. Don’t take away his thunder or ruin it for him—just wait patiently πŸ™‚

Post # 12
2777 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Any updates OP?  What did you decide to do?

Post # 13
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Don’t feel bad! Practice your poker face, and know that even though you know it’s coming, not knowing when or what the ring looks like means you’ll still be more surprised than most of us (lots of girls not only know when he’s bought the ring, but actually picked it out!)

If you snooped, there’s no reason to tell him. It’s not like you’ve actually ruined anything. But don’t do it again!

Post # 14
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

i feel bad that you ruined the element of surprise for yourself.  getting engaged is something that hopefully only happens once in a lifetime.  i hope you learned a lesson. 

Post # 15
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I knew it was coming, heck I designed the ring.  It was still a surprise!

Don’t sweat it!  Just enjoy your time “before we got engaged” and try your best to not overanalyze every situation to see if he’s going to propose. 

Even though you know he has it (or maybe not, maybe he ordered it and doesn’t have it yet!) you have no idea how he plans to propose.  Let him do his thing now.

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