Post # 1
I’ve been engaged for a little over two months now, and I haven’t been feeling the slightest bit of celebration.
My fiance has a younger brother who got engaged about six months before us. He lives on the other side of the country, and since the date of their engagement my future mother-in-law was exstatic. She flew out to see the couple a half dozen times, going to see venues and interviewing vendors and being really happy and involved. About a week before my fiance planned to propose, she broke off the engagement and my fiance’s brother moved back in with his parents. My fiance went through with his proposal (and I’m glad he did, it was really beautiful) but his family has barely even acknowledged it. I thought at least my family would be excited, but my immediate family doesn’t seem to care either way, my parents keep hinting that I should have a cheap wedding since they won’t be able to help out much financially, and I have two just-married and three soon-to-be married cousins in my extended family. I feel like I spent so much time being happy for my other engaged friends and family, attending all their parties and gatherings and being excited every step of the way. Now that it’s my turn, I barely feel like I can be happy for myself. I’ve barely been able to get any planning done, since looking through all my books and websites has started to make me cry a little- and I really rarely cry. When I bring it up with my fiance he either tells me that I’m being selfish for not respecting his family’s need to be sad about his brother, or he suggests that we hold of on the wedding until I feel more excited to plan.
What should I do? Is there anything I can do? I don’t want to step on any toes or downplay anyone else’s legitimate sadness, but how can I celebrate this wonderful moment in my life if nobody else feels like celebrating with me?
Post # 3
Celebrate by yourself! One thing I leanred while planning is that you can’t rely on others happiness…because if I did, well there would be none. So celebrate yourself! Also, this is you and your FI’s wedding and no one is going to care about it more than you. Only your world is stopped at the moment.
Try not to let them get you down. If you want to take a break, that’s completely fine. I had to take a break during planning the wedding.
Post # 4
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS on getting engaged!!! That is awesome, you should share the proposal story with us! Second, that is very unfortunate about your Future Brother-In-Law and I’m sure it was such a drag on the entire family. You are in a tough position since you should be respectful of the grief they are going through, but maybe wait a month or so then reach out to your Future Mother-In-Law. Acknowlege the pain she must have felt from the Future Brother-In-Law breakup, but say you would love it if she would be involved in some of your planning.
Post # 5
I’m finding this is pretty common! Like you, I thought my family (specifically my mom and twin sister) would be more excited for me but they seem either indifferent or like to be killjoys when I get excited about a partiular part of the wedding.
It’s unfortunate your FBIL’s broken engagement is clouding yours. I can understand it, but the family really should be happy for you. I think your fiane should be more supportive too! He should be on “your team” and should stand up to his family (in a nice way) and explain to them that your engagement needs love and support too.
Bottom line is you can’t change people, and they may just stay negative or indifferent. I’d find a riend or bridesmaid that IS excited for you, and get her involved in planning and spend time talking together.
Good luck and congrats!
Post # 6
I know we’re just Internet people, lol, but we’re happy for you! :). I would go out to dinner with Fiance and tell the waiter you’ve just gotten engaged (even if it’s been a little bit) and order a fantastic dessert to split. You can still celebrate between the two of you, even if those around you are sad.
Post # 7
Congratulations!!! I’m sorry that I don’t have any advice to give but I just wanted to say that I am happy for you and hope that after some time you’ll be able to get back on the happy horse as well (happy horse?…don’t know what I was thinking).
Care to share how your got engaged? I LOVE engagment stories, the classic, silly and low-key, all are special. 🙂