(Closed) The hardest thing to do….

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2701 posts
Sugar bee

@mrs_g.mck: her email reply said it all to me. Continue planning your wedding as you have been and just stop inviting her to events or asking her things. She will eventually get the message and you can both move forward.

Post # 4
288 posts
Helper bee

This is a tough situation, but you are definitely thinking it through! From what it sounds like, you guys have been going your separate ways for a while now. If you are questioning your friendship with her now and her being in the wedding, then I would say let it go. You want this to be all happy and as easy as it can be. It sounds like she doesn’t really care since she’s letting you make the decision about your friendship. I’m not you, so I don’t know if one day you’ll regret not having her there, but from your post my advice would be to let her go. If somehow you guys mend things down the road then that’s great, but it doesn’t seem to be heading in that direction. Best of luck with your situation =)

Post # 5
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

@Mrs.ChubbyBunny:  I agree completely! 

@mrs_g.mck:  My only recommendation is that you choose those people that you consider life long friends that would be there for you to be in your wedding party.  I’m not sure the girl you mentioned fits that description.  Good luck! 

Post # 6
1432 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@mrs_g.mck:  You have my sympathies, for making such a tough decision at such a special time in your life.  

Personally, I went throught a ‘Best Friend Breakup’ a couple of years ago.  It was hard, because we’d been best friends since high school, but as we grew older, I realized how very different we were.  Like you, I came to realize that some friendships don’t last forever.  And although it is definitely sad when they come to an end, there is a reason (or reasons) why you feel the way you do.  To put it into perspective, think to yourself: “Would I put up with this kind of behaviour from a boyfriend?”  If not, then you shouldn’t put up with it from a girlfriend, you know?  You deserve to have people in your life who love and respect you.  Don’t be friends with someone because you feel obligated, or for old times’ sake.  

In my opinion, good friends don’t bring drama and negativity into your life.  If she’s not bringing anything to the relationship, and your life, then it’s time to move on.  I think you’re more likely to regret having someone in your wedding party who you are no longer friends with down the road, than not having them in the party at all, but still having their friendship.

Good luck!


ETA: I think that if you ask her to step down as a bridesmaid, then you risk losing her as a friend – and to me, I think that it won’t be a great loss to you, your wedding, or your life.  It might sound harsh, but I just think that life is too short to force friendships with people like your friend.

Post # 8
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012


I’d like to mention another possible explanation for her behaviour. Do you think she could have depression? A common thing for depressed people to do is to hide from the world. This includes dodging phone calls and disappearing for long periods. It would also explain her e-mail response if you think of it as coming from somebody who is feeling very low about herself at that point. 

Does any of this seem to fit what you know about your friend? 

Post # 10
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@mrs_g.mck: Has she sought treatment for her depression? It sounds like it could help. 

I’ve only read your paraphrased version of her e-mail, but it seems to me like it could also be taken to mean that she feels like she’s not good enough for you and she understands if you want to stop being friends with her. 

Keeping a relationship with a sick person is often difficult, and it’s completely understandible if it has become too hard for you. 

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