(Closed) The hardest thing you've been through in your marriage…

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
4161 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

The hardest things for us have been losing both of our only living grandfathers in the same year (2012) and also a miscarriage in 2013, plus the whole TTC struggle.  I’m also 17w pregnant right now, and around 8 weeks, we thought I was having another miscarriage.  Turns out it was a loss of 1 of 2 babies…one is hanging in there right now.  Darling Husband has just been amazing throughout it all and each event brought us closer together…I’m very lucky.

Post # 3
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Our hardest struggle was when I became sick with a brain malformation. It also has been one of the greatest blessings of our marriage, because my husband stepped up and became my caregiver basically overnight. I did finally overcome the illness, I still live with symptoms, but I now know that when my husband said “in sickness and in health” he truly meant it. 

We are closer then ever, and I am humbled by how fast things can change in life. 

Post # 5
Member
8866 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

KatesTheWord:  Possible trigger warning – apologies in advance.

Our daughter, ages 14-17. For privacy reasons I don’t want to give details, but she gave us a really hard time including running away and being missing for a day. There were times when I seriously wondered if she would kill herself, or kill me, or if I might kill her. It was bad. My husband handled it as well as could be expected. There were a couple times I wished he would have done something differently but I’m sure he feels the same about me. We’re parents doing the best we can. We’re not perfect. But we were committed to helping our children get through a difficult period. We took turns taking her to therapy appointments and sometimes we all went together. We worked together and leaned on each other. Usually we were both strong, but when one of us couldn’t take it anymore, the other stepped up until the first was back at full strength again. We didn’t blame each other, we didn’t take advantage of each other, neither took the other for granted. We both appreciated each other and were grateful to be on the same team. It seems to have worked. Our daughter is 18 going on 19 and what a difference! She is doing great and is exactly the daughter I hoped for and expected from the time she was little, and that for 3 terrible years I thought was lost forever. My son now, he’s going through his own challenges, but so far nowhere near as bad as hers, and he seems to be coming out of his too. Fingers crossed!

There were some other rough times. Through all of them, we always tried to see it as “us against them” rather than ever letting it turn into “me against you”. We do that with small things too, not just the big tragedies. It really helps. We’ve been married almost 19 years and are still in love.

Best wishes to you.

Post # 7
Member
2119 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

KatesTheWord:  last winter i had to confront my husband about his fathers inappropriate behavior. It was a really ackward situation. His father and mother live next door to us and it was becoming unbarable for me. His father also put a ton of pressure for us to buy this piece of junk trailer from him…. the one we live in. the deal was to live in it and help them fix it up so we can save for a house or bigger trailor for a family. His father kept trying to get us to buy it from him. His father also drinks early in the day, hes self employed so hes able to do whatever he wants. but when he drinks he gets touchy and says weird things. or corners me and ive had enough. but how do you ask you husband to say something to his dad about being a creep. At the same time my Darling Husband was working on the trailor, a small job turned into replacing all the walls on the left side and two feet into the floor. at one point we didnt have plumping. there was a time this winter when we had no hot water and a giant hole in our living room… with a big tarp over it.. and on top of it all, i hate my job. AND we live in alaska so in the winter its always dark. Im sure at times i could have handle it better but i had moments where i just couldnt handle everything. It has made us stronger. We argued a lot but right now its all worked out. we are not buying this trailor and weve talked to his dad about… his behavior. Honestly it didnt really change the way i look at him. I feel closer to him. I had some serious feelings about certain things and he listened. He wasnt sure what to do after listening to me but we worked it out. It was really hard for me to confront him about his father. esp when his family is so close and this was a prob with the other brothers wives too. No one wants to have to tell their father that. It took months to get him to actually be active about it. His father also has empty nest syndrom but all his kids are almost 30!! I think we are much stronger as a couple. I can tell him anything. 

Post # 9
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee

KatesTheWord:  

all in the first year of marriage:

1) my wedding gift was a week up north in NYC as well as skiing During christmas….the night prior to our trip, mother in law had 3 strokes and entered a coma….trip canceled. Christmas canceled. She passed away during Christmas =(

2) husband broke his leg. Had surgerY gone bad…couldn’t walk for 2 months. He depended on me for everything: getting dressed, showered, getting to physical therapy ext. I was soooooo exhausted 

3) due to surgery complications, he almost died duw to blood clotSsss in lungs, they called me to tell me he won’t make it, 6 months into our marriage. I lived in the hospital for 3 weeks…he is still alive, with blood clots, but no longer in lungs, and thus managable….

 

4) he is the primary bread winner. He makes 3 times as much as me….said when he couldn’t work for 3 months, we had to live off of my salary….now, my salary cam cover morgage, utilities and food, but not extra expenses and medical bills…it used up our entire savings (and we had a lot in there)

 

5) a few months ago I was run off the highway. Cat totaled….I was unconscious for a while. They were shocked I was alive..he nursed me back to health. More medical bills….

so even tho we make “a lot” in the spectrum of things….medical bills pull up….it’s been a hard year for us. We lost a loved one and almost lost each other…..it’s been scary, and horrible yet we have grown closer. We still fight, but I think we realized that if we can survive all that within 12 months of marriage, we can survive anything. We are a team!

Post # 10
Member
1648 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

KatesTheWord:  I had brain surgery three months before our wedding. I think it made us truly understand our vows.

Post # 11
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: garden/backyard - July 9, 2016

While technically not married yet, we have been together 15.5 years… 

 

We’ve had a couple of hard times.  Our first 6 months of living together I miscarried, his bf commited suicide and my gramma died. 

A couple of years later our darling daughter was born with Cerebral Palsy.  We were told councilling was a good idea because of the extra pressure a severely disabled child could put on our relationship and it really has been a 12 year ordeal.  SO was also in school and we had 2 small children…money stress anyone?  4 years ago she developed a life threatening seizure disorder that we are thankfully controlling with medicine right now.

The beginning of 2006 sucked really bad.  My dad died in January (my SO did CPR for 45 minutes until the ambulance arrived), my cousin’s baby died of SIDS in February, my SOs grandpa died in March and we almost lost our daughter to illness in April.  Luckily the rest of the year was uneventful!

I figure if we can get through all of that we are pretty solid! 

Post # 12
Member
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

Very inspriring stories!

Before we were married, he was really great when I was in a bad car accident and broke my hand.  Since we’ve been married, the struggles of TTC/miscarriage have been a bit stressful but we’re both there for each other and supportive.

Post # 13
Member
1169 posts
Bumble bee

The month after we got engaged my brother was killed in a car accident. We got married 2 years later.

Son#2 was born 3 weeks premature. The day before he came home, he had a seizure and was transported to the children’s hospital – lucky for us it was only 30 minutes away. He was on the seizure med for 10 days while they stepped it down in dose. While he was there, he got RSV. Normally just a cold in healthy babies but can be deadly for preemies as their lungs are not properly developed. Another 10 days in children’s hospital nicu. Treament for him was like do for cystic fibrosis patients. CPAP, pounding on back to loosen phlem, and flushing & deep suctioning of lungs.

Son#2 had severe reflux until he was 2. At age 1, he aspirated and got double pneumonia. A week long stay at children’s hospital. Doctors considered surgery until he finally outgrew it.

3 years ago, son#2 admitted to children’s hospital for Acute Disseminating Encephalomylitis (ADEM) caused by Strep Virus. He had been on antibiotics for full 10 days but it spread before antibiotics got hold of it. Strep caused a widespread stroke-like episode. We almost lost him but he survived. He lost ability to move all muscles and talk. He was in the children’s hospital re-hab unit for 1 1/2 months! I lived there with him, only going home on weekends to get a change of clothes and help care for son#1. We had family come into town to help, which was a true blessing. When he was discharged, they told us to be prepared to have a severely disabled child who is going to need a wheelchair or walker to get around and might not be able to function on his own. With intense outside therapy continuing, he regained strength and vocal abilities. Today, he is back to about 90%. He still has some muscle weaknesses and some slight slurring but considering where he was, he is our true miracle child!

Last summer, after 16 YEARS, the company Darling Husband worked for suddenly closed down. There was no compensation pay, no explainations, just….don’t let the screen door hit ya…we were left with no income because due to son#2’s reflux, I wasn’t able to work because the daycare couldn’t handle his constant puking. We had no family nearby either. Thank goodness for what little savings we had, my parents, and his mom or we would have lost everything that we owned. Darling Husband found a new job that wasn’t too much of a paycut in September. So we are slowly recouping our losses.

This is why we are planning a vow renewal. We have been through thick and thin with each other and have always stood by one another. So we want the honeymoon trip we never had and reaffirm our vows and love.

Post # 14
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Our daughter was diagnosed with an ultra rare seizure disorder, spent time in the PICU, and went on meds that obliterated her immune system. We pulled together and completed her treatment and are closer than ever! Its been three years with no seizures in May and we are thankful for every single day!

Post # 15
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee

Four months into our relationship my 19 year old nephew and 24 year old brother were murdered. Two months after their murder my brother in law of 20+ years died of cancer. I wasn’t able to sleep and I cried all of the time. My (then) boyfriend would work a 10 hour shift and come straight to my house and just hold me. There is literally no way that he could have been there for me any more, or any better. He also stepped in and has been so incredible to my whole family through our losses. Our first year of marriage has been taking care of my mom, who developed Alzheimer’s and Dementia the Christmas before we got married. One of us had to stay with her at all times while trying to get our wedding planned and future home furnished. We fully realized how bad she had gotten when she tried to kill herself on our wedding night. Since then we’ve had her in and out of facilities (nursing homes, and rehabilitation centers after many broken bones from falls) because she tries to escape from each one. My husband has shown her nothing but love and patience, though her Alzheimer’s and Dementia can make her pretty mean at times. We also just made it through the first murder trial for my nephew and brother. There have been many more things over the past few years. My husband is my angel. I don’t think I could have made it through all of this without him. He is the most genuinely kind and loving man I’ve ever met. He has my whole heart.

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