(Closed) The hardest thing you've been through in your marriage…

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
1169 posts
Bumble bee

I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I won’t say that the hurt goes away completely, I still miss my brother almost 15 years later. The empty hole does get smaller and easier to deal with but missing him never does. What does help is having someone to talk to, someone to hold you through the tears, and someone to smile with as you recall the good things. Darling Husband and I named son#1 after my brother and it is uncanny how much he looks and acts like my brother and that helps too.

Post # 18
Member
1095 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

tagging to follow. You are all such inspirations.

Post # 20
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Actually have a little tear in my eye reading these. In all these stories the amazing support you have given your partners and vice versa is exactly the way I my Fiance and I are with each other and it’s just wonderful to read. It gives me such hope that we can make it.

About a year into our relationship, my stepmother died. My dad called one day to say she had leukemia, and less than 60 days later she was dead. The way my Fiance handled everything was nothing short of angelic. He held me and let me cry, he did everything he could for my father, he called my boss and explained everything and bought me some time to grieve. Even now when I have a moment he either just holds me until I’m ok again or lets me have a few minutes alone, running me a hot bath or lighting my favourite candles for me. This is the true meaning of a marriage – and I know there will be more tough times in our life together, but he has my back 100%. Despite being the hardest time of my life, the way he reacted to such a tragedy was the true moment I knew I was meant to marry this man and be with him forever.

Post # 21
Member
1450 posts
Bumble bee

My Darling Husband and I experienced job loss and being completely broke before and during our engagement.  With the economic downturn and sudden unemployment, my Darling Husband put everything he had to start a business. Things looked hopeful before it all came crashing down after him putting his blood, sweat, tears, his entire savings and more into it.  On top of which, his family was falling apart and so he fell into the darkest depression he’s ever experienced.  I myself experienced job loss the same time Darling Husband did (right around the 2009 depression) and was furiously trying to work odd jobs while trying to start my own business at the same time.  After a few years of putting everything I had into it, I finally had to let it go and face reality that I failed.  I never experienced such a feeling of loss and like I lost my identity as to who I was as an adult.  On top of which, I lost my father, my paternal grandfather, and my dad’s best friend (who stepped up after my father died) all within 3 years to cancer.

My Darling Husband and I learned how to literally survive on nothing.  There were months where we barely had any money in our bank account and had to figure out which bills to pay and which to ignore so that we would at least have enough to eat.  Our biggest wins were if we could eat a meal for $5 or less (packets of instant noodles were our staple diet for awhile) and figuring how to have fun together for free (we were so depressed this was huge for us).  

Being completely honest, one of the hardest things was getting over the feeling that my Darling Husband and I were failures.  We are extremely driven and ambitious people, and so for us to be completely broke, unemployed, and our businesses failing after sinking our savings and more was very VERY difficult for us.  

But this extremely dark time in our lives taught us resiliency and how to look at positive side no matter how terrible it looks.  We have learned to be truly grateful regardless of how little or much we have.  Today, we are no longer struggling and our financial situation has definitely improved (we have earned more money in the last 6 months than we would’ve if we combined our entire yearly salary working at our old jobs).  

The biggest thing for us is, Darling Husband and I are very happy and appreciative of our life today.  It doesn’t matter how much money we have in the bank or if our businesses fail.  We survived one of the darkest times in our lives and were able to be happy & grateful with literally nothing.  That to us is more priceless than anything else we can achieve/acquire in this lifetime, and are so grateful to have had this life lesson together.

Post # 22
Member
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I love this post. I recently wrote about the struggles Fiance and I are dealing with, and these stories give me so much hope. Thank you all for sharing.

Post # 23
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

jillbean1217:  I couldn’t find the post again to comment but I really feel for you and I’m so sorry. I’ve been thinking about what you’re going through over the last couple of days and I hope you’re doing ok.

Post # 24
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Hardest thing was my mom’s death. She fought cancer for two years before passing away. She has been gone for almost a year now. Fiance and I had a hard time, I cried all the time and still do cry. He’s understanding but he knows as much as me that you can’t understand something like this if it never happened to you. He’s there for me, always have been and I know he’ll always be! We’re getting married in less than a year and I know my mom would be so happy, she always hoped she’d be there for our wedding. I like to think she’ll be watching from above.

Post # 25
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

KatesTheWord:  My husband and I have been through a lot in the past 8 years together but in our 6 month marriage, so far the most difficult thing has been dealing with his family and some things that were said to him.

Its caused him a lot of pain and also caused my anxiety to spiral out of control. We supported each other and are still dealing with the ripple effect but, its really solidified that we’re each others family and we put each other first without hesitation.

 

Post # 28
Member
2255 posts
Buzzing bee

I would say our multiple miscarriages and coming to the realization that a biological child is most likely never going to happen for us. It’s been a heavy strain on our marriage, and at times very rough, but as we slowly heal, I’ve realized he will always be there and support me in the worst of times. I think it has, as hard as it’s been, and even in times of doubt, made us stronger as wife and husband.

Post # 29
Member
5364 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

We are young (I’ll be 23 next month and him in July) and we are not married yet (next May) but we’ve been together for 5.5 years. BUT we have been through a lot in our short lives individually and together so I know we can get through anything. These are the two biggest things. 

A couple of months into our relationship he cheated on me. We were 17 at the time and have come so far since then. It’s amazing how well we have worked through it. We both stuck with each other and worked together to move on, never once giving up. We proved to each other that we would always be there because there were times we both wanted to leave, but we didn’t. 

Last year I was my grandfather’s care giver. He was in the hospital and my FI’s grandfather was also in a different hospital at the same time. A couple of weeks later I left to study abroad for 2 months. About a month after I came home, my grandfather went back into the hospital. I pretty much moved in with my Future Father-In-Law for the next month sleeping on his couch. We went on a trip to Hawaii and got engaged on a Friday. When we landed at 6am Sunday morning, I found out my grandfather passed away late Saturday night. My Fiance was my rock through all of this. He might not have known what to say, but he was there. Two months and 2 days later, his grandfather passed away. I had to be in the same position he was just in and become his rock. 

Other than this, I lost my mom when I was 11 and my dad when I was 16. He lost his mom when he was 16 as well and 3 months later we met. I helped get him through his mother’s passing because I had been there twice before. We aren’t your typical 23 year olds and there is no doubt in my mind we are with each other for a reason. 

ETA: 3 years ago yesterday we also had to deal with the death of his stepmother. Death is very prevalent in our lives, obviously. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  ksn1219.
Post # 30
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

We aren’t married yet but have been together for 9 years and have been through many, many hardships.

He was there for me when I got really sick with depression and anxiety. It took so much away from me and most of my 20’s. He was there for me when no one else was. He was there through my downs, my ups. Everyone else ran from me but he stayed by my side and took care of me. I moved in with him and he took me to all my appointments and always made sure to cheer me up. There was a point where I was agoraphobic and he was the one who gave me the confidence to get better. If it was not for Fiance I don’t know if I would have made it through. Any other guy would have ran (we were only dating a little more than a year when this happened) but it brought us closer.

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