Post # 1
I’m having a bad waiting day… I was thinking about how the holidays are coming and he’s not going to propose.
He’s even said flat out that its not happening. So the rational side of me knows that. But I still feel sad.
So now I have to get through Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years trying to hide my disappointment and feeling awkward about spending holidays with my “boyfriend” again. In my family its fine/normal to bring your fiance to stuff, but awkward to bring your boyfriend. And it’s awkward for me to leave my family to go to his side too… Does anyone else feel like that???
Anyway I was just feeling sad so I thought I’d post.
Post # 3
I have a friend who didnt split holidays until she was engaged. She said she is not giving up her time with her family until he is ready to make her part of his family. To her it was another aspect of “dont give the milk for free”.
When her bf’s parents asked her why she didnt/wont come, she said she would love to attend but that holidays are for families.
Post # 4
try not to het caught up on getting proposed to.. remember that you have a very loving boyfriend and a great relationship 🙂
Maybe he’s saving up and he just finacially can’t propose.. that doesn’t mean he does not love you and is saving/planning..
Post # 5
I’ve brought a few boyfriends to family holidays. That’s the only way they get to know them as it’s rare we all get together like we do on the holidays. I’ve been to FI’s family stuff too, prior to getting engaged. It’s awkward in the beginning of the relationship I think. But Fiance and I are both very close to our families so we felt it was important to build those relationships before getting engaged.
Post # 6
@lefeymw: that is a great way of looking at it! My husband and I have been together 3 years and have never spent a holiday together, this will be the first year we do. I actually went down there last year for christmas eve, we were already engaged, but drove home to spend christmas with my family (his family is only an hour away) – I always looked at it like this: there will come a time (this year most likely) where i wont get to spend christmas with my family so until then i want to spend every holiday i can with them.
Post # 7
i’m of the mindset that holidays are for family too.
he’s met everyone a bunch of times so its not such a big deal in the “getting to know him” sense.
but i kind of feel like if it’s not official, it’s not official…
maybe i’m just being bitter/angry though. I don’t know…
Post # 8
I’ve always brought boyfriends to family holiday events and it hasn’t been weird. Then again I live with my parents so…
Post # 9
@lefeymw: I think your friend has a great way of handling it. If I were not engaged and back in the situation I was in (more regarding his family who expected me to be their family immediately after we started dating), I would do the same!
Post # 10
@alwaysamaid: aww 🙁 This made me sad. I know what you mean about the holidays being rough. As if every day waiting isn’t hard enough, but with fall you have two (three if you count New Year’s) major holidays back to back with FAMILY, and more often then not they are the worst about understanding the concept of subtle. How long have you and SO been together? Are they still rude about him joining? Or are they pushy about an engagement?
I’m the same way. It never even crossed my mind to cut out his family simply because we weren’t engaged, but then again his family has always been more then welcoming of me. (In fact, I get more presents from HIS family than I do my own on holidays and my birthday, they’re really big on gifts)
Post # 11
I can definitely relate. This time last year I was nowhere near waiting. Wasn’t even thinking about marriage. I actually cooked an entire Thanksgiving dinner for my bf and he invited friends over, and I spent Christmas with his family since mine lives out of town.
But then SO’s younger sister got engaged around th time last year, and married in January (they were pregnant)!!! And then, SO’s younger brother proposed to his gf on Christmas eve!!! That night people kept saying “your’e next” , or “you better tell him to get with it” or “what’s taking him so long?” I found myself vigorously defending him because I didn’t want him to feel pressured. And at the time I couldn’t see myself married to him.
Let me just say that changed in a matter of 2-3 months! I was definitely feeling left out around the sister and sister-in-law to be not too long afterward.
I do a good job of supressing those feelings, but they surface from time to time. Here’s hoping I make it through to 2012!
Post # 12
i feel somewhat confused about my expectations for the holidays too.
like at this point, is his family going to be mad if I don’t come? Is my family going to be weird if he comes over? Should my bf and I do our own thing?
i normally love the holidays but this year its just going to be sad.
And again he said tonight “it’s not coming”… and we were just talking about christmas lights!!! i was just like “I know already!” haha geez…
Post # 13
I’m sorry! Although (unless he’s throwing you off! 🙂 ) at least he’s saving you the disappointment of getting your hopes up (and then being sad) after each holiday when a proposal doesn’t come…at least you’ll be prepared/know what’s not coming. I’m definitely on on the other side of it…wondering when each holiday passes, “is this it?!” and then feeling let down afterward–not sure which is worse! Hugs to you!
Post # 14
I feel ya! I never thought that the month would really matter to me, but the closer we get to Christmas, the more I want my ring before then! Good luck to you!
Post # 15
That stinks he told you that flat out! 🙁
It’s not really awkward in my family – In fact, they’ve always invited my boyfriends over to holidays as well. I do think holidays can be a bit awkward though because of the family situation..
Good luck though!
Post # 16
@alwaysamaid: UGH we could be bffs. lol. I am impatiently waiting to get engaged…!!! Last xmas/early spring we kept saying we were planning for the fall to get engaged…. my bf wants to get engaged, and we have gone to look… but the rings i want are about 5k and the money just isn’t all there… :-/.
I have my bf come with my family for xmas eve, but i don’t go with his family to anything. His parents are nice and all… but my family is more fun and definitely more caring and thoughtful. I know to be fair eventually we have to split the holidays… but I don’t want to..!!! hahaha. I know I sound so selfish. my bf’s parents are english… they aren’t the loving type… and my family is the opposite!
ANYWAY my grandpa thinks my bf should be invited to everything… and recently told me if we’re not engaged by easter he’s not invited anymore… hahaha! that was a good laugh. do you have a timeline? or a sense of when you will get engaged?? how long have u been tog?