Post # 1
My FH and I are both very headstrong, stubborn people. We’ve always been that way, and though we are both set in our ways, most of our ways seem to coincide (so it’s never been a problem). When we do disagree, it’s always a playful debate that ends with both of us laughing. I would have never imagined, though, that FH would be so concerned with paint colors and china patterns!
We were walking through Bed Bath and Beyond yesterday to get an idea for what to put on the registry, and nearly everything that I liked, FH did not. He did not like the gray vine pattern on the inside of the china I liked because it was “too feminine.” I pointed at the stand mixer I wanted, and he asked “You’re not getting that in pink, are you?” We went to Target, and though I would not buy a couch from Target, I saw a style I liked. He said it looked like it was from the set of the Brady Bunch.
Then we started talking paint colors, and he seemed to be very tentative about my ideas there, too. I guess I’m just being naive, but I had expected him to a) not care this much about this kind of thing and b) trust my judgement because I’m a female with an art degree. IDEALLY, he would just give me his credit card and let me do up the house how I want . Just kidding. I absolutely welcome and value his opinion. But it seems a little extreme: I feel micromanaged! How did you decorate your place? Was it a power struggle, did you do it all yourself, or was it a peaceful group effort?
Post # 3
I think we are lucky that our styles are pretty close. My favorite colors are blue and green, and I hate pink. Our house is done in greens, blues, tan, and our furniture is different wood tones and black. It actually looks really good together. I don’t prefer too many truly girly things, so I think that also helps. I can pretty much run with anything in the house, and he’s ok.
The only thing we didn’t agree on was the kitchen, I wanted yellow and he hated it. We ended up doing green, and I agree that it looks so much better with the cabinet color then the yellow would have.
Here is our color palette – surfer in the basement, herbal garden in the office with cherry wood furniture, maiden voyage in the living room, riverside blue in the dining (they connect, so the riverside is just a shade darker than the maiden voyage), Apple Orchard in the kitchen, and Windjammer in the bedroom. And the wood tones are all different, and they play well together, especially in the living and dining rooms. Every piece is a different tone, but it works. Hope that helps some!
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2011 - Clark Gardens
I don’t really go for the usual “girly” stuff in terms of home decor, so Darling Husband and I have no problems. He lets me do whatever I want, basically. He’d care a lot more if he didn’t like my tastes, but luckily he does.
Post # 5
Darling Husband and I had really conflicting styles for a long time. He’s a man’s man and likes big chunky wood, stone, etc. I went to school for interior design, I like sleek and contemporary. Very slowly he’s come to see that being a bit more contemporary can be very nice and we’ve sort of met in the middle with a contemporary rustic feel while designing the house we plan to build. It takes time 😉
Sit down with some magazines or start a Pinterest board and see what you two can agree on.
Post # 6
I’m pretty traditional and it REALLY upset me that Darling Husband wants a say in our home decor. I guess I just always saw the house as my realm and I could decorate it any way I wanted… Of course I don’t use girly colors and whatnot to make him feel more at home (no pink or purple), but still…
We’ve had more fights over how to decorate the guest bedroom and bathroom than anything else. I want a beautiful guest room (we have guests at least once a month) and he wants a man cave complete with a gun safe and guns on the walls. He also wants SHELVES! I think shelves are the ultimate clutter in a house and I can’t stand them. Seriously though, half our guests wouldn’t want to stay in a room with guns on display everywhere like it’s an armory.
I’m going to win this battle though and have the beautiful yellow and gray guest room I want. bwhahaha. When we have a yard, he can maintain that!
Post # 7
Just to clarify, I don’t have particularly girly taste, either. The china was grey and the sofa looked similar to this:
Paint color, similar to this:
So I’m jealous of you guys with free reign! Hahaha.
Post # 8
I always thought the woman had 100% say in a house… I guess my dad just never had any say. It was a shocker for me to realize that sometimes people decide together how to decorate.
Post # 9
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I have to meet Mr. LK in the middle. He is averse to change, so I have to do things slowly and with lots of advance warning. LOL After a year and a half of sharing the same space, he is slowly coming to accept my design style, but it still takes lots of talking and negotiating to make design decisions. It’s frustrating, but it’s his space too and he should like it just as much as I do.
Post # 10
We have an apartment and not a house, but as far as furnishing and decor…I did it all myself. My Fiance is so laid back and NOT into decorating so it wasn’t even an issue, and now that it’s done he LOVES our home. I’m also very lucky because most of what is in our current place was mine before we met, he sold all his old furniture and things when he moved in and so anything new that we purchased matched what I already had. The one area we’ve argued over is the den. He wants it to be like a man-cave, complete with a neon beer sign. I currently have it decorated in all black and white with red accents. If the den was apart from the rest of the house, I wouldn’t care, but it’s really more of an extension of our living room with an archway. It’s not happening. (My exact words were ‘Tell me right now without looking WHERE the tool box is, and you can buy your sign and hang it yourself’ which he couldn’t do LOL) Someday he’ll have his cave (in a basement or garage) and then he can do whatever he wants.
For those of you who struggle with agreeing on anything, maybe you should each pick your top 2 choices for everything (china patterns, couches, paint swatches, etc.) and then sit down to discuss. If your styles are COMPLETELY different, you’ll have a harder time, but you might like his suggestions more than you think. Or, if told he needs to pick a couch he may decide he likes the exact one you picked out on his own. If he offers no suggestions, he shouldn’t be able to say ‘No’ to everything…if he wants veto rights, he has to put in just as much time and effort as you
Post # 11
I never really considered how girly my taste was until Darling Husband and I were registering! I did hold my ground on my pink stand mixer, though…I told him he could choose any kitchen appliances he planned on using at least 50% of the time 🙂
We tried to pick some basic colors we could both agree on, and we looked at tons of each household item to find a few we both liked. Once we found a couple things we both wanted, it was easier to see some common ground for style and pick other things that were in a similar style. There was definitely a lot of compromising involved, though.
I think it works best if it goes both ways and each of you concede something to the other person’s taste. Unless one person really doesn’t care whatsoever, your home should reflect both of your preferences or style–meaning if you’re willing to bend to his taste, he should do the same!
Post # 12
Thanks for everyone’s input! It will all take time, but we’ll both come to a solution, I’m sure. I was just not expecting any pushback from him! 🙂
Post # 13
@bakerella: man, is that why my husband likes the biggest pieces of furniture possible? We go to look at cribs, couches, you name it, and his favorites are always the HUGEST, BULKIEST ones. He also is obsessed with stone and wants it all over our house.
Post # 14
Ugh my husband is the SAME WAY. You’ve got to pick your battles! Compromise was a big lesson for me to learn.
I ended up getting dishes he liked but in a color I picked, and buying a sofa i think is ugly, but in a fabric I could live with. (It’s a huge La-Z-Boy sectional and i think it looks sooo dated.)
But anyway, re: picking paint – what we did is took paint chips, and separately wrote down the top 6 colors that we liked. The top chip we both liked, we agreed to paint the living room that color, then picked a coordinating color from our top picks for our hallway…our kitchen is a color from a strip that we both liked colors from…does that make sense? it got the arguing out of it and let us negotiate, rather than dig in our heels on them.
But when it came to window treatments I just went out and bought them. Since I compromised on other things he didn’t fight me too much on it.
Post # 15
Did anyone else’s Fiance or Darling Husband insist on having a “man cave?” I mean I understand where it’s coming from, but since when do you get to claim a whole room as your own? And how come when I say “ok you can have a man cave when I get a spa room” it doesn’t go over very well? lol
I just think it’s hilarious that men tend to assume that the rest of the house is for “the woman” like cooking and cleaning and raising children is what we would choose to be doing in our spare time (ok maybe raising kids but not necessarily the rest)….
Anyone wanna join me on insisting on a “woman cave?”
Post # 16
@Aisling10 I have a “woman cave”! It’s called my whole house.
I’m just not sure I want to compromise on what my house looks like. I saw what DH’s bachelor pad looked like and I’m not willing for my house to look like that.