(Closed) The Honeymoon is Over…Part 1

• Gem_Fem
• 6 years ago

@luckylady3090: I don’t have anything to contribute, as I am still a waiting bee (profound sadness!) but I think this is a great thread. Every stage of relationships have their ups and downs, and a little venting is very healthy. I would find the bedtime milk habit kinda cute (I would probably ask him to go bring me something too), and that last point, you poor thing, I would NEVER get over that. (I’m 100% not a laugh-at-myself kind of type.) I hope your guy had enough sense to act like it didn’t happen, or at least never mention it again. And good luck with your dog situation. Cesar Millan is truly an inspiration. I remember one thing he mentioned is to have the food raised up to the dog’s shoulder height so the dog can’t “claim” it between his paws. 

• PenultimateWhisk
• 6 years ago

• Wedding: June 2015

@luckylady3090:  Just chiming in here. I was so surprised to read the thread you mentioned, and the comments that followed. I had no idea so many people were going in to marriage having never lived together/balanced budgets together/learned each others quirks/found their independence within a shared home. My Fiance and I have been living together for almost 3 years and thank god for that. We’ve worked through our issues and are now working towards finishing our degrees, and our wedding (which happen in the same several month long period!).

I just couldn’t imagine marrying someone I didn’t know intimately, quirks and living habits and all.

Just a flabbergasted bee here, don’t mind me.

• jessdoxy
• 6 years ago

• Wedding: January 2014

@luckylady3090:  

Can I just say that I love this thread and I love your honesty but also that you want it to be a positive place to chitchat(not spouse bash)

I am recently married and I don’t feel like anythings changed however now I have to decide if I take his name.

1. Background we were married a couple of weeks ago. Now its back up here to the arctic (I hate the winter). I moved here about 9 months ago despite that fact that I would now have to drive 7 hours every weekend to attend grad school. There are no good jobs up here for me……which unfortunately means I have to be suzy homemaker. I dream of next year when I finish school and I GET to pick where we live. I say that with much emphasis because it’s finally time for me. I have an 11 year old which means we have even more of a new dynamic to adjust too. She also had to move away from all of her friends and her school and her speech and language specialist. We have been together for 3 years and are in our early to mid 30’s.

2. I no longer have an income so I have to ask him for money all of the time (which he has no problem with but I hate doing it).

3. Last night I said we need to order a new dishwasher and he asked when he gets a present. I asked if he thought the dishwasher is considered a present for me? He said yes!

4. Lately he needs a lot of attention and affection and follows me every where I go. We also have a dog that acts that we, she’s even figured out how to push the door open in the bathroom. Ummm hello creepy little weiner dog…..privacy please!

5. Now for the biggest issue after the wedding. Half of my centerpieces at the wedding were stolen by family members at my wedding (after I told them no) some of these people also helped themselves to the wine that was left over. This was kind of the last straw for my relationship with my extended family. When I got married it was all jokes and rude comments like are you pregnant? how did you force this guy to marry you? This is a surprise we assumed you were gay. Now my cousin got engaged and they are all so excited and giving congratulations saying lets go out and get drinks. 

6. It is so cold here I do not want to leave the house unless I have to, I think this winter is getting on all of our nerves and were all a little cranky.

• PeachRooibos
• 6 years ago

• Wedding: July 2013

The first year of cohabitation can be hard when there are some lifestyle differences between partners and/or when the relationship is still new! 

I got married last July, but started living with my then fiance/now husband about a year ago, right after our engagement that happened 18 months into our relationship. Yes, I was not into cohabiting without a serious commitment, but we did a temporary three-month “test run” the summer before getting engaged so that we had an idea of what would be easy and what would be more difficult if we were to get married. For example we discovered that we needed a man-cave for the hubby, and plenty of personal/solitary time. We also realized that household chores would be easily divided and shared.

Six weeks after our wedding my amazing husband made a mistake, nothing tragic, but enough to trigger terrible feelings of disappointment. I knew right away that I was forgiving him but it was hard to go through these difficult feelings so early in our marriage. It took me a lot of energy to get over it as quickly as possible, while still having the discussions needed to avoid a repeat somewhere down the line.

It actually helped us getting to know each other’s values in more depth, and going through the difficult time made our couple stronger. In terms of cohabitation, I’d say that we were pretty much fully adjusted 10 months in and the man-cave is worth every penny : )

• bellenola
• 6 years ago

@PenultimateWhisk:  I’m still a waiting bee and have been dating my SO for 7 years. We have never lived together or shared a bank account during that time. I can understand how that would surprise people, but honestly, I don’t think it will make or break a relationship. People have been doing it that way for years, afterall. We have been dating for such a long time, and there have been times when he has helped me out financially, and I have helped him out. Of course, I stay with him or he stays at my house from time to time. Honestly, we have been dating for so long, we just want there to be something to look forward to once we are married. I think you can still get to know someone pretty intimately and not have to live with that person.  🙂

• jessdoxy
• 6 years ago

• Wedding: January 2014

@luckylady3090:  I am not entirely sure where we will move to. I am leaning towards someplace with a milder climate. However it all hinges on work, I need to find a psychotherpy position that I can thrive at and he needs to find a clinic that he can buy out or start one up. More than likely I will move to test the waters at the new location (wherever that may be) and he will tie up the loose ends at his clinic and with selling our current home. 

I have been stalking realtor.com looking at homes all over. 

Last week we found a snake in our house but he snuck into a hold in the wood work so he was rogue in our home for over a week. One good thing about the cold was not as many insects or snakes etc. So if I’m dealing with them in frigid temps I may as well move a few states down and enjoy a little warmth

• jessdoxy
• 6 years ago

• Wedding: January 2014

@luckylady3090:  I hid in the upstairs level.