(Closed) The Honeymoon is Over…Part 1

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I really like this idea for a thread!

My DH and I had already lived together for 2 years on our own + 2 years with roommates before we got married.  Not much has changed in our relationship as a result of the marriage, at least I don’t think so.  

That being said, this winter has been kind of tough because work has been busy for both of us, and DH took a part time job ski instructing (he loves skiing), and I have been curling a ton too.  It’s great that we are both enjoying our hobbies, but it does feel like we aren’t spending enough quality time together (this week I will probably spend less than 8 hours total along with my husband, not counting sleeping, but this is an abnormal week).

Since our wedding we’ve also been taking a bit of a break from each other’s parents.  Don’t get me wrong, we each get along with our respective in-laws, but I think with all the wedding hullabaloo we had just seen too much of them.  Anyone else finding changes to their relationships with the inlaws now that they are officially “the inlaws”?

 

Post # 18
Member
4424 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

My husband and I have been married a month (over 4 1/2 years into our relationship). We have lived together for over 3 1/2, so there has been no adjustment in the living, which I actually really love. For us, this was the perfect arrangement. We dated, moved in together, became engaged almost 2 1/2 years later and then got married 13 months after becoming engaged. Each stage together has had enough time that we were able to really work through it and learn about one another and ourselves. While I have just finished the name change process (hallelujah!) it is a little sad. I love my new last name and sharing that with my husband, but it is an adjustment. I’ve finished school completely and am able to now just enjoy my career. My husband has always been in charge of paying for school himself ( I was lucky enough to have parents who could afford and wanted to pay for college) and is moving through it slowly. Something that frustrated me recently was that he had to withdraw from classes this 8-week session due to work (they are insanely busy around Valentines day). It’s hard because we talked about before getting married and after that we wanted to have a few years of marriage alone and then begin a family in about 2 years. This whole school thing just made me feel like that’s not going to happen. We’re both super practical people and want to be as financially prepared as possible before we have a baby. It’s even more real now that we are actually married that every decision we make or have to make affects our future decisions. However, I had to realize that in regards to starting a family (which I’m very excited for, but will enjoy these next few years alone with Mr. KatiePi), it will happen when the time is right. We can plan, but you can never be fully ready for a kid. The only thing that has been stressful is that we don’t get to spend as much time together as we want. The honeymoon is amazing not so much because of where you are, but because it’s just the two of you completely enjoying each other and then you have to come back to reality. I think we’ll have to work on leaving work and other stuff outside of the home and just focus on each other.

Post # 19
Member
794 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

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@luckylady3090:  I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling with things, especially the dogs!  I would advise that you find a positive reinforcement dog trainer who can visit you in home and help with the aggression issues you and your husband are facing with the large dog.  The Dog Whisperer is not the worst thing in the world, but every dog trainer I’ve ever been to (puppy classes, agility classes) said he was very aggressive and domineering with animals.  Victoria Stilwell was highly praised by the trainers I saw.

In terms of the other emotions you’re dealing with, is there any way to make your new place together feel more like home to you, with more of your things? I think that could help a bit!  I felt similarly when I moved in with my FI; however, after a cross country move we kind of made our new place both of ours versus just his.  That definitely made me feel more at home.

I’m definitely feeling the post-wedding blues.  It is hard to have something you planned 13 months for be over so quickly! Additionally, we are currently living in an area I really don’t like (it is short term, we have 1 of 2 years left). I’m still not working full time, though I’m in grad school.  I honestly feel like I’m waiting until we move back to where we came from next winter for life to really start up for me again. My sister, who was also recently married, is also feeling the post wedding blues.  She and I are hoping to plan a fun trip for this spring, and Fiance and I are planning our honeymoon for sometime in the next 1-1.5 years(at first I was bummed that we didn’t do it immedietly, but with his schedule we decided we’d rather wait and do something we really want for a few weeks versus a rushed 3-4 day trip). We do have a little getaway this weekend, which will be nice.  Honestly, I find that I’m generally just happier when I have something to plan and look forward to.

As far as bickering…I can relate.  One of our 2 dogs had major knee surgery 4 days prior to our wedding.  He’s now on crate rest for 4 weeks.  The stress level is high because he requires so much care.  I’m trying to stay positive…his stitches were removed a few days ago and the vet thinks he will continue to heal well.  Only 13 days of crate rest left, thank goodness! I’ve told my now hubby multiple times that if we can survive this year, we can survive ANYTHING!

Post # 20
Member
727 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@PenultimateWhisk:  

 

Hey Bee, reading the other thread and responses I didnt gather that the bees went into marriage not knowing their partner as your post suggested. Maybe I am being a little sensitive but I interpreted your response as being a little condescending. Truly not looking to start anything here . . . I am 29 and was married 3 months ago, we didn’t live together but had certainly discussed finances, learned eachother’s quirks, and found my independence living in my own home. We just decided not to live together until marriage. That is all! πŸ™‚ I really feel that each step in a relationship brings new challenges and surprises. I’m glad you found what works for you with living together prior to marriage, most of my friends have done the same, but please don’t jump to conclusions about those of us who hadnt! 

 

I hope we can make this thread a supportive place! 

 

Post # 21
Member
727 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I was really excited with t@luckylady3090:‘s idea for this thread jumping off from that last thread!   

I love the idea of keeping this a place for venting but not bashing! This site is great for me because I really make it a rule not to bad-mouth or really complain about my husband to my friends. It is always much easier to forgive the man you love than to expect a friend to forgive whatever evil thing he did to you like eating the last of the cereal πŸ˜‰

1. ME:  I am 29 and finishing my doctorate in clinical psychology. Basically all I have left is my dissertation. yikes! 

2. US:  We got married 3 montths ago following a 5 month engagement and 3.5 years of dating. Yay! πŸ™‚ 

3. About 3 months before my wedding I was terminated from my position at work and due to shennanigans with my program and other personal issues, I am not out of work at best til summer, probably till fall when the next round of jobs start and dissertation is finished. It’s sad and lonely. Thing of the daily chats you have with your co-workers. Now erase them. Many days the onlyperson I talk to (in person) is my husband, 

4. Add all that together and well it’s a crazy time right now. Unemployed, dissertationg, on the brink of graduating, moved into a new home, got a new dog, got married and here we are!  I have struggled with depression and anxiety for much of my life and have been in therapy for the past 5 years.  Therapy has helped sooooo much! πŸ™‚ 

5. I love my husband so much! We are great for one another and really balance each other out! But yes, sometimes he annoys me. He is a total neat-freak, quite mellow, a homebody, and sometimes drinks too much. No he’s not an alcoholic, but sometimes after a few drinks he eats messily and slurps which bugs me! Or he “slow-talks” as I’ve dubbed it, which makes me want to strangle him ! I’m no slob, but I am more relaxed in my housework, I love to see friends, and am more as I put it “excited” 

That’s us in a very small nutshell. πŸ™‚ 

 

Post # 22
Member
2085 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@luckylady3090:  all I can tell you is… with time it’ll just become easy… the living together… Like you have been doing it all along.  Fiance and I have been together nearly 6 years and live together on and off for the last 4 (bc of school and internships etc, there’s been lots of moving around).  You get used to the quirks.

and the farting – lol that will get common too.  I probably didn’t openly fart infront of Fiance for 2 years (although he did it all the time).  Now I have no issue farting in front of him… and we’ll joke about who’s louder lol – stupid, but it’s funny.  It’s funny now to look back on how mortified I was the first couple times I ever let one slip accidentally in front of him! MORTIFIED!!  And now it’s no big deal

I hope you guys figure out the dog situation… that would scare me too

Post # 26
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

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@PenultimateWhisk:  im exactly the same.

 

 i cant imagine not knowing all the wee quirks/personality traits etc of my partner before marrying them, and money sharing etc . i lived with my now hubby for 8yrs before we got married! so nothing unexpected has come along. its so strange to me that people dont do this before marriage….

Post # 27
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Great idea! Here is me in a nutshell:

1) I am in my late 20’s, and DH is in his late 30’s

2) We moved in together 8 months after we met, got engaged after living together 1 year, then married 6 months after that. I guess we’ve really only known each other 2.5 years!

I have no doubt in my mind that I picked the right guy, after having been in other serious long term relationships.

After moving in together, I had moments of panic where I realised that I couldnt just give up if things got bad. It was a reality check like – oh wow, I live here now. A breakup would mean moving out, getting a new job, admitting defeat, etc. Thankfully – I never wanted to break up. It was just the finality (?) of it all that stressed me out for a few weeks.

We had zero problems adjusting to moving in together. I actually believe (as cliche as it sounds), that the first year of marriage must really be the hardest like everyone says.

We recently had a little fight about cleaning, but that has been it. I just find myself ocassionally thinking – this is FOREVER. And dont get me wrong – I WANT it to be forever, but forever is huge. I think Im just going through the same thing I went through when we moved in together. It is very for real now. Were not just playing house anymore.

Plus – now we get to make that huge decision on whether or not to have a baby. I am finishing my masters degree while working full time. Its a bit stressful, but Im so happy I have DH to do it all with me!

Post # 31
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

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@luckylady3090:  too funny. In the month after we got married we probably wore out the words ‘husband’ and ‘wife’. Now, when one of us is getting on the other ones last nerve, we always say “for the reeeeessssttt of your liiiiiiffffeeee’ in a really long and drawn out way lol. My how the times have changed already lol

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