Darling Husband & I got married in July after 8 1/2 years together, 5 yrs living together. In our day to day life it doesn’t seem much has changed except we are more caring & lovey dovey. We both felt the commitment was there well before the wedding, it just solidified and legalized it. But we have had a rough few months already.
1)We had to close down our retail store last month after nearly 4 years because it just wasn’t making money. It was paying for itself sure, but Darling Husband was working alone nearly 7 days a week without being paid that whole time & it was wearing on us both. It’s been closed for just under a month now and we both feel hugely relieved to not have those bills anymore and be able to actually save money instead of spending it all. Luckily we didn’t take out any loans or cards for it so we aren’t in alot of debt but we do have vendors on consignment we still have to pay back, but we’re talking maybe $2K which is alot less than most people closing a store end up in debt…
2)We both were facing misdemeanor charges for sales of alcohol without a permit during one of our store’s non-profit art events (city wide monthly thing). We had thought we didn’t need a permit if the $$ was for a non-profit donation. Man were we wrong, he got arrested literally a month before the wedding and our court date was 3 days after the honeymoon. we got an attorney, which cost us another $1,500, and just found out this week she was able to get the DA to dismiss my charges, and drop one of his (he was also arrested for public intoxication- behind the desk at his own store- and the cops were total assholes about it- even threatened to arrest me if I didn’t stop recording them) if he pleads guilty to the permit issue. Good news, but we really don’t have any more $$ to pay the court for the fine after paying $1,500 for the attny. So while we both want to not think about the situation anymore it’s there, lurking, until we have the money to pay it, hopefully next month. =(
3)Partly because of the above two issues, and other things, we still haven’t paid off any of my credit card debt incurred nearly 6 yrs ago when we moved out here from GA. After the wedding when I had time to really evaluate where we are financially it hit me hard and I felt totally helpless and a little depressed. I was making $400+ payments a month to ONE card and only about $50 of that was going to the prinicpal. I’m doing a ton of research to take control back and pay that off asap.
4)We both want kids and Darling Husband is already 41- soon to be 42- and it’s kind of stressful when I think about how much debt we have, how little savings bc we were both stuck in the rut of pay & ignore, and how little time we have (his father died in his 50’s). I’m also feeling restless at my job. I’ve been here for 5+ yrs in the same position and get paid decently, but there is zero opportunity for advancement, ever. Our legal assistants in another office have been in the same position for over 30 yrs. This becomes stressful when I look into similar jobs with movement potential but pay a good $5 less an hour than I now make- which barely pays the bills.
5)We can’t afford health insurance for DH- to add him to my shitty $3,500 deductible plan (which would bump my deductible up to $7,000) was over $250/month! We are trying to not spend $$ so we both frustrated we can’t do our usual hanging out at shows or trips with friends. This also ties into the baby issue- how the hell could we ever afford to have a baby if I have to shell out $7,000 before insurance will pay a damn penny? It compounds when I see my failure of a step sister’s 5 kids she had 100% for free because she’s a druggie on welfare. I mean, if I lost my job I could go on welfare and we could have a baby for nearly free too! instead we are responsible and working to make the right decisions at the right time.
As far as our marriage goes, it’s been great. We aren’t fighting, and it has caused us to talk alot about priorities, our goals/plans, and how we can help the other de-stress. But damn if that isn’t alot of shit to deal with less than one year in!