(Closed) The Honeymoon is Over…Part 1

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 51
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@luckylady3090:  Yeah, the one bathroom thing is not ideal!!  His ultimate dream is a “Vegas-style bathroom” – separate shower and tub, 2 sinks, and toilet in its own closet ๐Ÿ™‚

He almost always has to be at work before I do, so it usually works out ok.

We’ll be in our condo for at least a couple more years, I think.  The mortgage is low, and the market in Chicago is still not great.  I want to at least break even when we sell!

Post # 52
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@luckylady3090:  That’s great that she is so respectful, and very nice that there is a shower nearby!  That’s one drawback to where we live, with closest family being 25 minutes away… when we redo our bathroom (with the only shower) this summer, I’ll probably have to shower at work, and Darling Husband will hopefully have joined a gym by then so he can shower there. 

Post # 53
Member
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’ll join in!

Quick run down of us:

  • Met while living in the same town but moved apart at a month of dating
  • Dated long distance 
  • Moved in together at 3 years
  • Got engaged at 4.5 years
  • Married at 6 years
  • Currently been married 5 months

We had a spectacular delayed honeymoon, and I think that really helped keep away the post wedding blues, because we had something to look forward too. 

When we’re living together, we struggle to divide household chores. We’re getting better. But it’s still not always smooth. And I can’t wait to buy a house that has a dishwasher!!!

Our issue is actually the opposite of most newly married couples – we had to move apart after we got married!

While we were engaged my husband lost his job and struggled to find a good job. Honestly, I encouraged him to be picky. He found a job that paid well but it had crappy hours and benefits and so I encouraged him to keep looking. He found a great job, but it’s only a 9 month contract and it’s 2 hours away. So we managed to live together before marriage and then move apart after marriage Frown! We did the long distance thing for 3 years, so I didn’t think it would be that bad, but it sucks! It’s harder to be apart now that we’ve lived together. It’s also harder to get the “business” side of life taken care of when we live apart. And, I only get to see my husband on weekends! And we’re both putting tons of miles on our cars driving back and forth on weekends. Boo.

But what is really killing me about this arrangement is that our lives are totally up in the air. His contract ends in August and we don’t know if he will be hired on permanently. He has also applied for residencies in both the city where I live and the city where he lives and we won’t find out until March if he got into any of those. So I have no idea where I’ll be living or what I’ll be doing in 6 months. Which I don’t like. 

Because we are so up in the air about the future we can’t do anything about buying a house or trying to conceive. It took me a long time to get on the baby train – way longer than him – but I’m there now and if a baby is going to happen I’d rather it happen now than years down the line. And I’m conflicted about my job. I love my current job. But should I be applying for jobs that would mean that I could move to live with my husband (in the city where we want to eventually live)? Or wait until we figure out what’s going on with his career? Gagh! Plus, we have talked about both working part time once we have a kid, so if I’m looking, should I look for part time in anticipation of having a child or should I find full time work and hope I can switch to part time when kid shows up? What if we have trouble conceiving? What if? What if? What if? 

Garg.

Yeah.

I just want some direction in our lives. I know it’ll happen. But I’m being impatient…and now I’m off to drive 2 horus to see my husband…

Post # 54
Member
4047 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@JenGirl:  Our living situation is super up in the air too, so I feel you! It drives me mad, especially since I like to plan. I’m moving overseas to be with him in a few weeks, so I have no job. His job will likely end in June. Then we will move to a new city (not fans of his current one), wherever he can find a job. It is so stressful to be moving 5,000 miles away only to move again – and I don’t even know where that will be.

Anyways, I won’t officially join the thread yet, but it’s nice that it’s here, and I won’t be surprised if I need to post here. ๐Ÿ™‚ Moving to a new country will no doubt have some strains on our marriage and life. And this will be the first time we are not long distance, which is crazy.

Post # 55
Member
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@bowsergirl:  Going from long distance to living together is crazy and sometimes difficult but it’s also totally awesome! I can’t imagine moving internationally and knowing you’re going to be moving quickly again, but it’s cool that you’ll get to live in some different places. 

Post # 56
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Im getting married in July but i was just reading over this thread and think it is a great place to vent when needed! Fiance and I have been living together for about a year now, and thank god we did. I am glad that we are able to get used to living together before we get married, than having to try to do that afterwards. We were together for a year and a half before moving in together.

Post # 57
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@PenultimateWhisk:  

I feel the same way. However, I know some people do not like to live together for religious or moral reasons. Also, in some cultures women are expected to live with their parents until marriage. That is what my parents expected of me, even though I wasn’t going to follow that path. 

I am so glad that I had a chance to live alone and live with my husband before we married. There was an adjustment period when we shacked up before marriage, but we learned to compromise. 

When I was a newlywed, I was struggling with disappointment over how our wedding played out and estrangement from my family because we eloped. It was a hard year but we just drew closer as we always do during tough times. 

Post # 58
Member
1153 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@luckylady3090:  Great thread! LOL on farting in bed! I farted on Darling Husband in bed while we were cuddling just a few months after we started dating. He was mortified and literally tried to kick me out of bed. He said it was so unlady like, I was like “its just a fart.” Since then Darling Husband decided that i’d declared war and began going #2 in the master bathroom (I guess he was using the guest bathroom before to save me from the smell) – and now he farts in bed too. I’m 8 1/2 months pregnant and can’t control my farts at this point, some times they smell so bad DH’s eyes tear up. I think farts are funny & they are frequent in our home =) 

As for our marriage, we just celebrated our one year anniversary in the fall. We had a lot to learn about eachother and have found some really great compromises along the way.

1. I used to be a super neat freak, like couldn’t go to bed with dishes in the sink or cluttered countertops.

2. Darling Husband was a weekend cleaner, he’d let the house go all week long and it would drive me crazy!

3. Darling Husband is REALLY good at laundry, spot cleans clothes and can get a stain out of anything, its amazing! But he can’t get the clothes from the washer to the dryer to save his life.

4. I take my clothes off right before I get into bed and let the pile on the floor grow for a couple of days, this drives Darling Husband nuts.

These are just a few of our quirks. I’ve learned to let go of needing a clean house every night before bed and the trade off is that we pick up the house 2-3 times a week instead of letting it all pile up until the weekend. Darling Husband usually starts laundry and I’m responsible for getting it to the dryer and put away. I try to keep my clothes off of the floor, if they are dirty I’ll toss them into the laundry basket in the morning before Darling Husband has to ask “is this clean or dirty?” So far so good, we’ll have to see how things change next month when our baby arrives =)  

Post # 59
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I don’t know if this is the right spot for it, but I just wanted to share my thoughts after reading the original post.

I am not married yet, but I am living with SO. Both my sister (wedding – Jul 2014) and best friend (March 2014), however, have never lived with either of their fiances. I’m fairly confident my best friend will be able to adjust relatively well but I am VERY worried about my sister, especially after reading this thread.

She has never lived with ANYONE except for my parents (and of course me). Her fiance has also not lived on his own. They are saving EVERYTHING for marriage and I fear that this may be the shock of a lifetime for her. There are so many things to adjust to all at once. I’m all for saving some things for marriage…but eek, not everything.

Just my little worried-sister-rant.

Post # 59
Member
422 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Our Castle

 

HourThyme:  I totally agree with your statement ” It is always much easier to forgive the man you love than to expect a friend to forgive whatever evil thing he did to you”

My best friend has discussed and “vented” about various issues to me and i try and keep a level head but like you said she will forgive and forget but i wont! little things, growing pains in their relationship but she is a worrier and stresses to much!

 

Im a Counting bee? (not sure the term im under) I have been engaged for 1 year and have been with Fiance for 6yrs, living together for 5yrs of that in his family’s home (FMIL and Future Brother-In-Law included).

Pro: we are very comfortable with each other and very good at communicating (this we have built up). We are building an investment house and then our own home. No arguments to date, nothing is perfect but we have learnt from our families and childhoods that nothing good comes from yelling.

Cons: Fiance has very high stress levels and at times i need to keep information from him. (i tell him later when it is more apropriate) My Future Mother-In-Law is getting older (tho still hip and relaxed) and is starting to get bad habbits like screaching at us thinking it is funny but as per a FB thread i read as they have done for us when we were young we must do for them as they grow old (comprehension, load and abrupt, repeating the same questions, asking WHY?)

 

On the other hand my Future Mother-In-Law will be living within our house with her own rooms for her privacy (for when we have children she can escape the chaos) she is a loving wonderful woman who only wants to help, love and be loved. was sole bread winner for 30yrs and brought up her two boys. She is giving them her block of land to build a duplex on to share as their inheritance.

I am hoping our home is finished being built before our wedding in 09/2016 as this will be our milestone, wedding and our own house. Otherwise if we were to do it now it would be exactly the same and nothing other then a party..

not sure what else to say, its easyer asking questions then making statements?.. Love hearing others stories..

Post # 60
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

This is a great thread. There’s just so much focus on the happy sunshine roses wedding romance stuff and little practical advice about how hard it really is! Honestly most of the 1st year newlyweds I know are miserable. It’s discouraging but good to face the reality. 

The topic ‘The Honeymoon is Over…Part 1’ is closed to new replies.

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