(Closed) The Honeymoon is Over…Part 1

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 61
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Married 6 months, so far it’s OK ๐Ÿ™‚

Of course we have our disagreements, namely:

1) I really want to TTC like yesterday and he has December set in stone

2) He is really tight with money, we have a budget for every little thing you can think of. Such as ‘if the fridge breaks down, this is the fridge-breaking-down-fund’. I just sit back and give him these eyes O.o

3) He’s a bit lax with the house-work but not so slack that I have to yell at him all the time

4) He thinks his family are saints that can do no wrong, which is so not true!

5) on the week-ends it’s not uncommon for him to not eat anything until mid afternoon and then reach for an energy drink. REALLY NOT HEALTHY. Not eating breakfast causes him to have the worst death-breath you ever did smell. I’m talking riding in the car next to him and you can smell it every time he opens his mouth. So, so gross. But hey, this is only a petty complaint!

 

I also have my faults (gee, really!) namely harping on about wanting to TTC pretty much every day and worrying about every little thing… 

Post # 62
Member
481 posts
Helper bee

Yes, yes! This is a good thread.

Darling Husband and I met and married in one year (We were 27/28, now 28/29). We didn’t live together (or sleep together) before marriage (we’re the much loathed conservative Christian types). I hope I wasn’t totally blind going into it. Ha ha. 

1. Like the poster above, I was TTC ready pretty much as soon as we married. Darling Husband wanted to wait a year (which we’re doing). It’s been good… I actually wouldn’t mind waiting longer if my bio-clock’s ticking wasn’t so loud! 

2. I am not the neatest person in the world. But I like to think that my form of clutter is somewhat contained and most of all clean. I can’t say the same for Darling Husband – the last time he went surfing he came home with his wet suit covered in sand and just threw it in the closet… without rinsing it or shaking it off! 

3. Our families of origin are pretty different. This hasn’t been as big of an issue for us as I’m sure it is for some, but there have been a few snags. They mostly have to do with $$ (his dad makes hella more $$$ than mine so our ideas of “financial stability” don’t match perfectly). His parents are divorced and his mom makes it VERY clear that her kids (DH and his sister) are her LIFE. Again, I’m sure others have worse Mother-In-Law situations, but she kind of weirds me out. I.E. I’ve heard her say that she is “pissed about growing older and broken hearted over [her] kids moving out of the house…”. My mom is much more independent! I’m scared to have kids sometimes because I imagine my Mother-In-Law showing up unannounced every day. ACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. I’m trying to think of more of the “little things”… hmm… OH, duh – his driving!! It’s probably not that bad, but to me it’s terrifying. He’s either flooring it, or stomping on the brakes. I take it a lot more easy behind the wheel, but I also hate driving. Usually I make him drive and have to bite my tongue or even just close my eyes! 

5. He wears mostly black clothes. Because he thinks they can’t stain. A lot of his black shirts have grease stains on the front that he refuses to acknowledge. It’s so terrible. Ha ha ha! 

Honestly, marriage is awesome. Darling Husband is the best ever. There have definitely been some adjustments in the last 9 months, and I’m sure there will be many more, but I’m not complaining. If he were posting, I’m sure Darling Husband would tell you that I cook with beef (even though he doesn’t like it much), I don’t enjoy socializing as much as he does, I idolize my father, and that sometimes I let a week slip by between leg shaves… and many more! :}

I hope more bees will post! 

Post # 63
Member
3765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Married just over a year. Overall I would say our marriage has been wonderful.

I would say we are currently in the midst of our first big challenge since getting married. We recently moved across the country for DH’s job, which is causing him a little bit of stress, and I’m unemployed in a brand new city/state/part of the country. We’ve had our moments of stress and short tempers, but Darling Husband and I are great about communicating what’s bothering us, and then working through it.

Post # 64
Member
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Fiance and I have lived together for over a year and will be getting married in 4 months. 

We are paying for our wedding ourselves and while I think incurring a bit of debt isn’t the end of the world, Fiance feels that it is.  As a result, he has started to scrutinize my spending recently.  He is frugal and would never eat out if it weren’t for special occasions.  Since I was a kid (literally), my mum and I would explore new foods (ethnic) or new restaurants together.  It’s just one of those things we love to do together.  Before he and I met, her and I would go more often and now it’s probably around 2-3 times a month which I think is totally reasonable (these aren’t super expensive places or anything either).  I always felt like he was a bit jealous/resentful but only recently did he vocalize it.  He came at is as though the money was the issue, but when I tried to reason with him about it and explained the whole history of it, the final conclusion was that he would like for me to bring him home a meal when I go.

It’s funny because I was SOOOO annoyed when he first brought it up, but now I just laugh looking back on it.  I admire him for his financial restraint in some ways, but sometimes you just have to live a little!  I’m glad this is a compromise that makes us both happy. ๐Ÿ™‚

This whole OUR money thing is going to take some getting used to though!

 

 

Post # 65
Member
1936 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’ll chime in, even if it’s only been a couple weeks, lol!

I guess my feeling isn’t about my hubby as much as it is “where do I direct my energy now”?  I have zero interest in reading about wedding planning right now…. And the baby stuff makes me anxious since we’re not TTC yet.  So basically what has become my boredom entertainer (the bee) is now full of topics I don’t care about or avoid for my mental health.  So I’m sitting here trying to figure out what to do with my resting time— we’re talking about the non-physical, project related stuff, the sit and relax times…. 

Post # 66
Member
2094 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

luckylady3090:  Hello! I think I remember suggesting this kind of thread b/c I was one having troubles! I haven’t been on the Bee in awhile, so I’m glad to see it’s up and running! A little about me: We have been married 6 months. The hardest things so far are how to properly argue/disagree with each other, dealing w/each other’s hurt feelings, money (how to spend it and when), moving into a new home, housework and sex. We are currently in couples therapy. I have learned some insightful things, although this isn’t my first therapy rodeo. lol  Some things have gotten better, some things haven’t. I hang on to the things that have changed. I try to focus more on my changing than his. This past weekend was especially hard. ๐Ÿ™ Glad this thread is up and open. I look forward to other’s stories. 

We also struggle when we might try for a child. I am 36…I’ll be 37 this year. He is around my same age. He has a child from his first marriage. I am worried I am running out of time. He doesn’t seem so concerned. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by  .
Post # 67
Member
2094 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

  oneofthesethings:  Me! Me! Us! My godoness…thanks for posting! This is supposed to be a thread about how the “honeymoon” is over and I see all kinds of posts about how easy it’s been. There should be a “The Honeymoon has never ended” thread. lol

Anyway…we are both in our mid-30’s and although we both have lived with others, it’s still hard. He’s even been married before. But we have had hugggge adjustments living together. Sharing a space, my not loving the space (I didn’t choose it…he owned it when we met), how things should be decorated, stored, etc…housework…what and how often. I never realized before that I was anal b/c I am  not a “neat freak” but apparently I am! ๐Ÿ™‚

Anyway, we also have struggled how we spend time together but still making sure we spend time alone. And then throw his son in the mix. Honestly, going through this makes me want to never, ever divorce with children b/c I see how hard it is to start over/start off. Others may not have problems but we sure have met some challenges.

Post # 68
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My husband and I will be married for four years this October.

I have so much empathy for the ladies who posted in this thread. Our first year was awful.We were dealing with the grief of my family cutting me off because we eloped. Also, our elopement did not go well so there was so much pain and disappointment to work through.

We have also had issues with his family and their very inappropriate behavior, namely from my husband’s mother and brother. 

There were times that we did not communicate in a healthy way. We also had financial problems and my health challenges. 

Going through so much right at the beginning of our marriage strengthened us. There were times that I wanted to give up and walk away, but my husband insisted that we stick together and work things out. I am so glad that we did because as the years go by, we get along so much better. For example, we used to have loud fights at least twice a week. Now we only argue every two or three months and we no longer shout at each other. It helped that I learned to rein in my temper and I no longer make everything a power struggle. We make up quickly because we realize that we only have each other. Life is too short. 

We are renewing our vows next year to celebrate coming through all of those challenges, as well as giving my family something to remember. 

The first year can be difficult because of all the emotional and practical adjustments. Newly married couples have to set boundaries as they put down roots. There is also the letdown from the excitement of wedding planning and the honeymoon. 

Always make time for each other. Plan date nights even if you can only afford to share a sundae. Be quick to make up after a fight. If you can’t agree on an issue, try to find a solution that makes both of you partly happy. 

My husband has been complaining that he feels ignored, so I have to remember to spend more time with him in the evenings. I also have to consider him when I make plans with friends, as I am the more social partner. Compared to the other challenges we have beat, this one is a peace of cake. 

Post # 69
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

danier:  

It is great that you and your husband have found a compromise. That is what marriage is about. 

Post # 70
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Coral99:  

I can relate to the sharing the space and not loving it issue.

I moved into my husband’s apartment one year before we married. 

It was WAY too small for two people. The kitchen was so tiny that the stove and fridge took up most of the space. We didn’t have enough space for my clothes, so we had to buy a PORTABLE CLOSET ON WHEELS. We also slept on my husband’s tiny double bed for a long time. The recession had been terrible to us. 

We upgraded to a much bigger apartment in a nicer building. Now we have more than enough closet space and a fully furnished and decorated apartment. Everyone comments on how beautiful the decor is and how our building looks like a modern hotel. My husband left me to my own devices with decor; he only requested no overly feminine stuff like floral patterns or pink.  The whole apartment has a neutral theme of deep brown and beiges. 

Hang in there. You’ll get used to living together. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by  amiona.

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