(Closed) The Housewife

posted 9 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: What is your opinion of housewives?

    I'd love to be one, but the idea makes me feel guilty for not contributing to the household income.

    I respect women who choose to be one, but it isn't the right choice for me.

    I want to be one, but we can't afford to live on only his income.

    It is not for me, and I have a little ill-will towards those who choose that lifestyle.

    Other - I'll explain below!

    I already am a SAHW or plan to be one in the future

  • Post # 169
    Member
    1767 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    Hey, if it works for you, I think that’s awesome!

    I know that I personally would NEVER be able to do it, though. I’m a feisty one, so I’ve been told. I have some sort of deep-seeded need to do things for myself. I love Fiance to death, but I would go crazy if I had to depend on him as my sole provider. I need to feel as if I’m helping out financially, and I want my life to feel as though I’ve made a major contribution to something other than my own household.

    My mom is a Stay-At-Home Mom and it is NOT an easy job… but she feels worthless at times. She loved working, but because my siblings are so young (youngest is 3), it’s not financially smart for her to work because she’d be paying a babysitter more per hour than she was making. I guess I’m biased, but I don’t ever want to feel like that.

    Post # 170
    Member
    23 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    It’s funny that as recent as 60 years ago, women were frowned upon for their choice if they DIDN’T stay home, even if they didn’t have children. And now society seems to think that they are useless and lazy if they make that choice today. 

    Post # 171
    Member
    423 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Be an actual housewife? As in – my main purpose in life is to keep the house clean and put dinner on the table? No – never!  I really can’t understand why anyone would want to do that.  Not saying it isn’t perhaps a valid life choice, if made for the right reasons, but it certainly isn’t for me.

    Have enough money that I could continue doing the work I already do on a volunteer basis?  Sure!  Sign me up 🙂   I guess that isn’t reallly being a housewife though – just being really lucky.

     

    Post # 172
    Member
    50 posts
    Worker bee

    View original reply
    @MrsFuzzyFace: I think you’re indeed blessed and you sound happy.

    To those that get all bent out of shape because some women choose to stay at home… If they’re not asking you, personally, to support them, then why does it matter to you how they choose to live their lives.

    Post # 173
    Member
    389 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    View original reply
    @JewishBride: Does your hubby have a guaranteed job after college?  Sometimes people go to school for things thinking they will make tons of money and then have a difficult time finding jobs afterwards.  I’ve heard horror stories about attorneys so desperate for work that they’ve taken low-wage jobs in retail just to make ends meet.  The economy is pretty f-ed up right now, unfortunately 🙁

    Post # 174
    Member
    10846 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    So I’ll bite. Sort of. We’ve opened this can of worms on WB before and it got pretty heated, so I’ll be pretty honest, I read page 1 and page 5 and skipped what was in between because I didn’t want to get upset at what people were saying in the middle.

    For all intents and purposes, I’m a Stay-At-Home Wife right now. I have a little Etsy shop where I get anywhere between 3-5 orders a week, so no biggie. I’m working on developing/designing a few new things to put in it so that takes up a bit of time. DH works full time and the man works hard. That being said, I have income from investments and that’s what pays my portions of the bills. I pay what’s mine, he pays what’s his, that’s the way we’ve always been. It’s a little weird being home and not having full time kids (I have a stepson but he’s only here every other weekend) because none of my other friends have that luxury. But on the other hand, I keep VERY busy. Yes, I tidy up around the house (I hate cleaning, so that’s something I dread doing), I make dinner, grocery shop, run errands, etc. If DH needs me to help run errands for his company I’ll do that. I visit with my grandparents at my grandmother’s nursing home, I spend time with my parents, sister, Brother-In-Law and nephews. I take my Mother-In-Law grocery shopping the odd time. I’m in the midst of volunteering for a bake sale for Japan. I’m hoping to start volunteering at our local library soon. The days get filled incredibly quickly! It’s not the life for everyone and I get that but DH and I both love it and wouldn’t have it any other way.

    Judge me if you will, I’d hardly call any aspect of my day “lazy” or say I’m not a productive member of society. Live and let live. I’m not hurting anyone and no one is hurting me!

    Post # 175
    Member
    10846 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    View original reply
    @LeftHanded: Well said.

    Post # 176
    Member
    8735 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I just don’t understand why this becomes such a heated topic.

    Like many others have said, whatever your choice/ability it in no way affects anyone else around you. I really don’t understand why such nasty judgements need to be made towards either side.

    I truly hope one day I can focus on my passions/hobbies and spend my time giving pack to the community rather than working a paying job. I have a college degree and I want to get a masters degree, but I don’t think that by being a “stay at home mom/wife” I am in any way wasting that education.

    Education is not solely a means to make more money in a job. It is a way to better yourself and keep your mind active. Not using it to make money does not mean that you are “wasting” it.

    Post # 177
    Member
    2299 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    View original reply
    @Meealissa:yeah, he has a few already…but he’s really determined to get his master’s and they’re more then willing to wait. H’es going into the engineering field so he’ll be in high demand.

    Post # 178
    Member
    2904 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I have a masters and was a housewife not two weeks ago. I HATED it. I got a crummy job just to get out of the house and am still searching for a fulfilling one.

     

    Some people find it nice or fulfilling, but I do not.

     

     

    Edit: I still make dinner, clean the kitchen, wash the dishes, vacuum on the weekends… He does laundry, and eventually I’ll delegate taking out the trash and recycle to him but haven’t gotten around to it yet.

    Post # 179
    Member
    35 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    My mom was a housewife my entire childhood and I loved that she was always home, she was always coming on field trips and volunteering at my school, etc. I loved that. And my dad was in the Air Force and made enough money for my mom to be able to do that.

    All my friends were the same. I hung out with other military brats whos moms did not work. And all of our mom’s hung out too. I grew up seeing that, and ever since I was little I just wanted to be like my mom and all my friends moms. And I still do. I did a semester of college, I’ve tried working a few jobs, and it’s just not for me. I love cleaning and making sure my house is always in order, I love cooking and baking treats throughout the day. It’s just what I like to do. And I am not lazy. I am doing housework all day long! And walking my dogs, playing with them, etc. Just waiting until we have kiddos to do that with.

    My husband and I were both brought up in families where we saw and were taught that it’s the man’s job to make the income. And the wife’s job to have a clean house and dinner waiting for him when he gets home.

    Most women get offended by this, but not me. It’s what I want.

    Post # 180
    Member
    2299 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    View original reply
    @shelbyfk:amen! We should be able to do what makes us happy without being chastised and being called “lazy.” Why make ourselves unhappy just to be thought of better and to win the “respect” from crude women with “holier than thou” attitudes.

    I’ve always wanted to be a housewife/ sahm and I’m so grateful that I married a man with the same old fashioned way of thinking as me.

    Post # 181
    Member
    317 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I would not want to be a Stay-At-Home Wife (SAHM is not an option for me since we aren’t having kids!).  First, I just wouldn’t feel equal to my husband if I wasn’t contributing financially–I have issues with money, that’s just me.  Second, I grew up with a mom who was a Stay-At-Home Mom until my brother and I were at least in middle school and then she started her business.  Thank goodness she did, because my father passed away at the age of 56 when my brother was only 16. It scares me to think of what would have happened to us financially if my mother hadn’t started working again.  None of us plan to lose our husbands at young ages but unfortunately it happens. 

    Post # 182
    Member
    2231 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I used to think that I would never, ever want to be a Stay-At-Home Mom and especially not a Stay-At-Home Wife.

    I decided to go back to school a few years ago and have since had a really, really, really hard time getting a job. I’ve basically been a Stay-At-Home Wife (minus the wife part) while I’ve been looking for a job. I cook for my entire family (they live close by and it works) and I do a lot of the house stuff at my parents’ place as well as my own. Up until a few months ago I was volunteering pretty much full time with hopes of one day getting a job with one of these places. Obviously it has not happened in the 2 years since I’ve been out of school.

    I have really struggled with the fact that I feel like I’m not contributing anything because I’ve had basically zero income for such a long time. I hate relying on my SO for money, I’ve had a few part time jobs here and there but nothing that has really given me any sort of real income. I wanted nothing more than to find a job that I loved.

    While I was sitting at my last volunteer position I realized how much I hated the type of work that I was doing and that I was hoping to get paid for. I absolutely HATE sitting in an office doing office stuff.

    For now, I am at home and I do ‘homey’ stuff but I am also currently working towards establishing myself in something else that will allow me to work from home and have the time to do those things. Just because you think something is not for you, when you’re put in that position you may have a very different outlook.

    Post # 183
    Member
    7769 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I think it gets heated because a person’s choices are very personal, and there is a lot of reasoning behind them, but when people just judge without knowing = yikes.

    Also, I secretly think people are jealous (sometimes) of people that don’t work and that can add to a seemingly negative attitude.  (If it isn’t you = why do you care?)

    I have huge respect for people that work and those that don’t.  Besides, it is much more important to me what someone’s values and character are- not what they do or how much money they make.  Not everyone is motivated by money.  What matters more to me is what people do with their money – but mainly just who they are.  How you do what you do do is more important- whatever that might be 🙂

    It is just a very personal thing.  Also, I understand that people are really lucky if they have a job they love that improves their life. 

    People find fulfillment in different ways and that is okay, whether through a “job” or all the other ways they affect the world.  (Hopefully in a good way!)  There are so many ways to contribute to the world. 

    Also, everyone is raised different and has a different situation and life = it is just impossible to judge!  (IMO)

    The topic ‘The Housewife’ is closed to new replies.

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