Post # 199
WIth the, “what if” group, when you decide to stay home, you also have to think about the “what ifs” if your smart about it. My FH has enormous job security (family bussiness that has no indication of going anywhere) we have an over abondunce of life insurence ( hes thinking of taking me off as benifactor because I would be way more well finacually off with it, and I watch too much CSI in the laundry room) and if some crazy things happened and he divorced me and left me with no child support, I have had 2 different employers tell me anytime I want to come back, they will figure it out even if I have to move. Now, the last one I do not worry about because even if something happened between US, my kids are his life. Just about everything he does it for them. If I had any worry about him leaveing so twistedly I wouldnt have agreed to marry him.
Post # 200
I’m going to be honest, I work much harder at home than I do at work. My job is totally mindless.
Post # 201
Oh how I’d love to be a housewife. I find it so hard to work, raise a child and take care of all the housework, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc…
In all reference to what if you split up, my ex and I did split up when I was a stay at home mom. It was nearly impossible to be stable on my own because all of my money was coming from him. Thank God for family!
Post # 202
I am a Stay-At-Home Mom. Our daughter is a year and a half and I’ve always planned to go back to work when she goes into pre-K, though I’m not averse to the idea of going back BEFORE then either if the situation just gets too stressful or I come across a great opportunity. We are lucky in that FH makes enough to where I don’t HAVE to work right now, and we thought it would be best to stay home with her when she’s young rather than put her in daycare if we didn’t need to. I like that decision, and I think she’ll benefit, but I do admit I miss working sometimes and I am greatly looking forward to going back when she starts school- which is where I tell you that I kind of don’t GET the SAHMs who continue to stay home and not work even when the kids are in school. Not even a part time job. What do they DO all day? I think at that point I’d go crazy with boredom and not being stimulated.
Post # 203
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to post without reading the rest of the thread, but in my personal life (with my SO and I) if I were to stay at home and have him contribute all the bills, it would be because I was lazy and just didn’t want to work. I certainly think there’s a place for one person not working for outside circumstances– i.e. once I get my PhD and start looking for jobs, if he’s ever laid-off for some reason, etc. But in my life, there simply isn’t a place for both of us not to work, because why wouldn’t I want to put that money into our retirement fund or a college fund for our children or to spend on trips or for the house? For me, there’s too much potential lost if we were to give up a second income.
Of course, I’m lucky. I plan on being a professor. I’ll teach classes during the week and, when we have children, I’ll be able to continue working part-time (or even full-time if the stars align) because I’ll only need a sitter for maybe 3 hours a few days a week. I can bring an infant to office-hours, and I’ll still make a salary. I definitely chose this profession because I wanted the lifestyle, and it’s the closest to Stay-At-Home Wife that I can let myself get– because of course I’m jealous, I’d love to stay home and not have the stress of a job!
Post # 204
theoretically I think staying at home without kids could be fun… but only for a little while. If I didn’t have my daughter I would have to do something even if I only did volunteer work. I couldn’t sit home doing close to nothing for that long. There is only so much cleaning and cooking to do. however I am a stay at home mom and I love it. I love spending time with my little girl.
Post # 205
I would LOVE to be a stay at home wife. I could actually keep the house clean and decorated (instead of the piles of clothes/random stuff that are currently “decorating” my entire house). I could cook real dinners without feeling rushed. I could keep up with all the bills and whatnot. I could run all of our errands. I could help the hubby more with his job without feeling overwhelmed (he’s a youth pastor and I’m a volunteer youth leader – which is a full time job itself). I could spend more time volunteering with organizations I love, like Special Olympics. I could do more work at the church. I could spend more time with friends and family.
I love teaching Special Ed. but I daydream everyday about the day I’ll get to be a housewife 🙂
Post # 206
Id LOVE to be able to stay home and do stuff…I love my job as a social worker…but it can be draining…Ideally, Id like to be able to work part time and be at home the other part. I HATE cleaning house now but i have come to realize that is ONLY because i work full time AND keep home (FI just doesnt clean “right”) Due to my job, i dont have the time or energy to take care of my home the way i would like too. Call me “old fashioned”, unliberated, unproductive whatevs…Ill be that cuz if i could id be at home doing interior decorating, reading, volunteering and socializing…with a part time job on the side 🙂
FOr the record, I have not one but 2 degrees adn while i do believe they are important to have to fall back on, as i am getting to know my self I am realizing that I dont really like “working”…IE I looove the part of my job when I meet with clients…the whole writing it up and showing what you did part is for the birds…but thats just MY opinion
Post # 207
@Miss Lilac: I’m sorry that question bothered you so much. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to at least consider those things. I’m not saying to sit around and think about that shit all the time, and I’m sorry that you’re defensive to the point of thinking that *I* believe ALL stay at home moms or wives have no applicable life skills. I’m talking about the ones who NEVER worked and NEVER went to college and will most likely be fucked if they try to re-enter the work force after staying at home forever and having to go back to work after a horrible situation. But no, people shouldn’t consider their future at all, should they? They should just go along assuming that everything will be fine and dandy and they will be “blessed” until they die of old age in the arms of their loving husband.
I don’t think the WHAT IF game is stupid in a country with a 50% divorce rate, to be honest. I’m just saying those negative situations should be considered when making the decision to stay home forever. And I’m not saying these things “to make myself feel better” because other peoples decisions to stay at home don’t affect my life at all. But go ahead and belittle this post, too. Whatever makes you feel better, right?
Post # 208
I’m quite torn on this topic.
I think women should have something just in case (either a degree, work experience, etc). Because like meealissa said, stuff does happen. No joke, my grandmother is proof, she raised 8 children alone b/c her first husband divorced her when he started screwing the nanny and her 2nd husband died unexpectedly. It was hard and I can still see the pain on my aunts and uncles faces. They’re very certain that they won’t ever rely on another person for means to survive. I grew up w/o a mother and I would NEVER suggest that any person have that sort of life. It was difficult to say the least.
For me, I’ll be a stay at home mother while my child(ren) are under 5. After that, I hope to atleast have a part-time job. During those early years of our marriage and family planning, I hope to finish up my B.S. and move onto another degree b/c basically bachelor degrees are becoming obsolete. My fiance told me he would support me in whatever decision I make, and I’m truly blessed to have someone love me so much to support me staying at home as a housewife or doing something else (as long as it’s legal ;).
But to be honest, if I knew my Fiance would stay with me forever, wouldn’t get laid off, and wouldn’t die before me, I would be a housewife that does extensive voluteer work with local Catholic charities and women’s shelters, knit more, read, maybe even open a small yarn business. That would be fun. But I realize that’s pretty unlikely and I don’t know what my future holds, and I’m one of those “gotta play it safe” to ensure that I don’t have file bankruptcy, rely on welfare, or other social nets that unfortunately have to exist in unexpected situations. For some women who are independently wealthy or have marriage financial agreements/prenups or sizeable life insurance policies, that’s great and don’t have to worry about money.
It astounds me how so many people undervalue human capital within the home. No one calls a housekeeper/maid/butler/cook a drain on society.
Post # 209
@teaadntoast: You are totally right. Say the Stay at Home Wife graduated from college and married her college boyfriend. In this scenario, she goes straight to being a wife without even entering the job market. Her job might have been working part time in the college library as a student.
Fast forward: She’s married 7 years, still no kids. Her husband suddenly gets laid off/in an auto accident/something happens (fill in the blank) where he is suddenly out of her life or without a job.
Where is the safety net here? Had she been working she would have been able to get them by at least. Without any applicable job experience, her best bet will be looking to get an entry level job somewhere if not working at McDonalds flipping burgers. Most employers today won’t even hire you if you are unemployed. They regularly discriminate and hire those who already have jobs (passive job seekers) because the unemployed appear lazy to them.
Can you imagine what someone with a 7 year gap in their resume between college and the present would look like to them? They would definitely hire the guy who had been out of work 3 years versus 7 even if they had the same degree. It’s a lose-lose situation to never work in your field.
Post # 210
Most of my SAHW’s husbands have a considerable amount of life insurance. I know we do. That is a must. If, God forbid, my husband died I could continue living our current lifestyle. I think it would be irresponsible for a husband to not have plenty of life insurance if his wife is out of the work force.
Post # 211
@MrsFuzzyFace: The median annual household income in 2006 was $50,233.00. If the average joe who makes $50,233.00 annually has a Stay-At-Home Wife or Stay-At-Home Mom, then even his life insurance wouldn’t be enough to cover her for more than a few years.
Your husband sounds like he makes much more than 50k if he has such a high life insurance policy that it will allow you to continue your lifestyle. You may be covered in the event of his passing, but most women aren’t.
Post # 212
I see what you are trying to say, but you can get as much or little life insurance as you want. Someone making 50k per year could choose to have enough life insurance to provide for his family.
Post # 213
Hey, if it makes you happy and you can afford it, go for it. To me, staying home all day and cleaning sounds like hell. That said, I don’t know if I’ll stay home or not once we have kids. My mom worked from home and has said multiple times that if she didn’t need the money, she’d quit in a heartbeat. Even though she was able to make her own schedule, it was really hard!