(Closed) The Hubs Buds

posted 9 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Yes.  And sometimes as married life plugs along, with kids etc, you have a harder time getting together with anyone, married or single.  I’m sorry for his friends.  But I agree that being close for so many years doesn’t mean it’s Ok for them to behave as they have been.  I guess it’s nice they have each other… 

Perhaps your husband can see them on a limited basis.  Talking on the phone, texting, e-mailing, a lot.  Maybe trying to ge together with them to go, to the game, fishing, the race etc.  (Daytime stuff that’s more non offensive.)  Or if they’re interested in staying in for poker night, once in a while.  But hubby should probably avoid the Friday/sturday night bar situation.  (That’s how I’m taking "spiralling into bachelordom" to mean.)

Besides, he has you now.  I’m all for keeping in touch with friends.  But he souldn’t be spending a ton of time doing friend things without you (IMO.)

Post # 4
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

My husband’s friends are split about 50/50 between married and single. He and the guys get out pretty often, like once every month or two. They go to concerts or games or all get together to see the super action guy movies that the ladies have no interest in. Other then that we try to all get together with significant others a lot more than that for nights out or to watch sports together. Their group has been friends since middle school. Since their guys only outings aren’t so often and usually for a big event, it doesn’t make me feel like he’s ditching me for the guys. It also helps that I can pal around with all of his guy friends pretty well too, so the single guys don’t feel weird hanging out with us as a married couple. But honestly, my husband says that whenever he’s with them he wishes I were there to share in the fun anyways.

Post # 6
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Have you ever had relationships drift a little?  End up being a bit long distance?  Maybe you don’t talk everyday, but when you get together (albeit less frquently than before) you still have a good time, like things haven’t changed?  I have several friendships like this.  Mostly due to many of us relocating all over the place.  But I think in this case his friends and he have relocated "emotionally".

From your post it sounds like there is a specific catalyst for causing this change in behavior.  They kind of fell off the path when their engagements were broken.  To make matters worse (for them not you), around that time you were engaged…and yours stuck!  (I’m not sure if guys have the same kinds of jealousy as girls, but I could see your succesful wedding as being a thorn in their sides.)  So I’m thinking eventually, they will come around, or find another girl, and probably be good buds, again.  So the "staying in tocuh" part will keep them connected until they can have a stronger relationship again.

If the situation was that they had been drifting apart for a while, and just going separate ways, but this was the final straw, I could see just letting the friendships die.  I would just hate to see such longtime friendships be thrown away during a newlywed adjustment period for your husband, and a understandable rough patch with his friends.

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