Post # 1
I know I’m not alone here so just hoping for some advise on how to deal with this.
My Future Mother-In-Law and Father-In-Law are absolutely disrespectful to me and always has been. From keeping photos of my FI’s ex gf in multiple locations in the home and not taking them down after my Fiance has asked them to do time and time again (it’s been 4 years of drama about asking them to do that), they bring up another ex gf of Fiance EVERY time we see them (which is not often), they say things like my Fiance doesn’t want to get married but in a joking mannor, they ignore my emails when I ask them say for old pics when can display at the wedding or questions about the guys attire, they bought me soup for xmas after we were dating over and year when everyone else got giftcards for hundreds of dollars, Mother-In-Law denied received an Ecard invite to my bridal shower when you can see on the hosts account that she did in fact see the email and opened the ECard she just decided to ignore it, I mean the list goes on and I just really don’t feel welcome in thier home.
My Fiance is finally starting to see how this affects me and agrees it needs to stop but he has trouble approaching his parents because they make the situation worse and just make excuses for thier behaviour. Should I just tell them off myself or continue to expect my Fiance to take care of it. Wedding is only a few months away HELP!
Post # 3
Personally I think at this point your Fiance needs to make a choice. If my parents acted even half of that way towards my Fiance they would be advised that I would no longer be around them until their behaviour stopped. Period. If they want to be assholes instead of seeing their son and his fiance (very soon to be wife) they can make that decision. You should absolutely not have to put up with this shit.
They are the ones forcing his hand here, it’s not your fault. There’s no excuse for belittling someone and purposely making them feel like garbage.
Post # 4
@lia22: “You should absolutely not have to put up with this shit.”
Post # 5
Fiance should tell them that you and he will not visit their home again until those photos are taken down. As for old pics for the wedding, leave that to Fiance.
I’m voting for the first option (“cut them out”), but I would not cut ties completely. I would still invite them to the wedding, but limit contact otherwise.
Post # 6
I would definitely limit contact with these people until they can get it through their heads that you aren’t going anywhere. I won’t say that I would cut them out totally though. I would still invite them to the wedding, send birthday cards, be civil at family events etc. But I would not go to their home until the old pictures are gone and the nastiness stops, I would not invite them to your home and I would not plan to spend time with just them (and your fiancee of course) until they can be really nice to you.
This is tough though because I do think that this boundary needs to come from your fiancee. If I were your fiancee I would draw this line myself immediately. If I were you in this situation, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with asking my husband to limit contact with his family (maybe he is open to it and that’s what I am hoping for). However, I would be livid if he wasn’t standing up for me against anyone, including his parents, who treated me poorly for no reason.
What the heck is their obsession with the ex?
Post # 7
wow, this is really sad. i agree with those above that your Fiance needs to man up and have your back here… and tell them he can’t be around them until they agree to learn to accept you. although, i know this is probably really difficult for him too, so give him some time to find his footing first…
what is their problem? what’s their deal with the ex??
Post # 8
@MissCareBear: I know they didn’t even like the ex who’s photos are still up in thier house lol, I may be wrong here but how am I not suppose to take that personally?!
Post # 9
The spiteful side of me says you should wait til you and Fiance get married, and then display a stock photo of a happy older couple in your house and have Fiance act like they are his parents when his real parents show up.
But the rational side of me says you need to put your foot down. IMO, I disagree with inviting them to the wedding. If they are going to treat you like this, then you shouldn’t have them at the wedding adding unneccesary stress. It is your day, and you shouldn’t be stressed about your in laws from hell ruining it. Fiance needs to stand up to his parents. You are both adults, and you shouldn’t have to take this.
Post # 10
If my parents acted that way to my significant other, there would be hell to pay. Your fiance needs to step up and say something, as difficult as it might be. If he doesn’t do it now, you’re in for a lifetime of this, and he will never be able to step up. So better for him to do it now.
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings
Your Fiance needs to man up and put your first. Either they cut this crap out or he cuts them out, which means he needs to talk to them and lay out their options in an adult manner. 4 years of drama is bizarre. Why didnt he deal with this sooner?
Post # 12
@Beautiful Bluegrass: Funny story, the first time my Fiance went over there and asked him to take down her photos that moment his father grabbed one of the photos from the front hall and CUT HER OUT OF IT AND PUT THE PHOTO BACK UP!!!!!!! Left the rest of up though.
Like wtf is that suppose to say to me. After 6 months of dealing with this picture bullshit and his parents making me look like a jealous psycho the subject was dropped, it’s like it wasn’t worth it but I’m not going to walked all over by them for the rest of my life.
Post # 13
@Beautiful Bluegrass: +1. He needs to deal with this situation, it is not okay.
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings
@dominicanbride16:“After 6 months of dealing with this picture bullshit” <– this is my point. Your Fiance let it go on for 6 months? Not cool. And when his parents overreact, like they did with the whole picture cutting incident, he should call them out. Say, “Dad, cutting the picture up and putting it back up is both odd and passive aggressive. I would appreciate it if you stopped reacting that way and took the pictures down.” If they dont do it he talks to them one more time then no more going over there.
Pretty much it comes down to setting up boundaries and behavior expectations (as, in, his parents need to be more mature than my 9 year old niece) and being clear about what happens if this doesn’t happen. Then follow through.
Post # 15
You need to let your Fiance decide how to handle them. If HE decideds he is willing to cut them out of his life, then you can agree to that, if he decideds he can’t do that and would like you to just be as polite and curteous as possible towards them then you need to do that.
Do not take matters into your own hands, do not force your Fiance to choose between you and his family. You don’t have to include them in any details or actively seek them out, just don’t be rude towards them no matter how they treat you. Eventually your Fiance will take a stand about their behaviour, but you need to allow him to do so on his terms, otherwise resentment towards you will build.
Post # 16
This is really crazy behaviour by your fiance’s parents. I agree with the others that your fiance is the one that needs to communicate with his parents. Your fiance should sit down and talk to them and say that it has come to the point where them not being invited to the wedding is a real option, because of the way they act. See if this helps and if it doesn’t by invitation time then I wouldn’t invite them.