Post # 17
Oh I know, Fiance excuse is that he’s “easy going”, “more forgiveable”, “more passive” than I am and that I am on the other extreme of being confrontational which I don’t disagree with. But hey, this shit IS crazy.
He is ok going there without me to see them all the time and it def makes me look bad and I think my absense makes them hate me even more but I don’t need the negetivity. What happens when we have kids though? I mean he takes them over to see thier grandparents while I sit and home wondering what kind of shit they’re talking about me? UGH frikken in laws.
Post # 18
I have to disagree only because it’s been what? 4 years? He’s had time to come around on his own. She shouldn’t have to put up with it and he shouldn’t want her to. It’s apoisonous environment for her, and like she said not going and letting him go only makes her look bad. I realize it’s his mommy we are talking about here, but he’s not marrying mommy. If he loves his fiancé he won’t want her to be abused by his family. And that’s exactly what is going on here.
Post # 19
@dominicanbride16: Story of my life.. My Mother-In-Law is the only issue though. Months leading up to the wedding she literally just started driving me insane with her comments, her rude remarks, ordering cookies for the bridal shower from my husbands ex gfs mom… the list can go on for ages. 2 weeks before the wedding she called my hubby and literally yelled at him for about 10 minutes and was saying thing such as “dont you see you’re making a mistake? Everyone else can see it so why can’t you see it” and SO ON.
My Fiance now husband knew it was upsetting me.. all of it and driving me insane so he told me that after the wedding is all over and done with I dont have to see his mom except for on the holidays.. birthday parties. family parties etc. FINE WITH ME! It’s been almost a month since the wedding and I haven’t seen her.. I plan on keeping it that way. Good luck!
Post # 20
It’s funny because his parents get super upset if he doesn’t come see them at least once a week and his and my absense has caused enough drama all on its own. How complicated is it, treat us (me) with respect and we’ll come around more often!
Post # 21
You’re fiance needs to step up and stand up to his parents. I think his parents need to hear it from him that their behavior is not okay. In my opinion, he should talk to them in person by himself. If he is by himself, his parents can see that he cares about this and it’s not just you pressuring him to do it. He needs to let his parents know that they are asking him choose between you and them & it is not ok. You do not have time for people trying to divide a family instead of expanding it. I think he should take the pics of him and his ex down himself… I would not hesitate to do it at my parents’ house.
Post # 22
Your Fiance needs to stand up for you! He has to be on your team at this point… The mom may or may not change but what will make all the difference is whether you feel sincerely supported by him and defended by him. A friend of mine was having Mother-In-Law issues 6months leading up to the wedding and her Fiance just stayed kind of in the middle, and they ended up in counseling the first yr of marriage and shortly after divorced. IMO it was her FI’s fault for letting things get so tense and not stepping up ever. Poor girl was being made to feel like she was crazy, when she’s like the sweetest most non-drama person…Some moms get weirdly possessive… Point being, sort it out with your man ASAP. He needs to take this seriously and understand how it could impact your marriage and family together!
Post # 23
I had a 10 year relationship fail because of a situation like this. If he doesn’t stand up to them and show them his loyalty is 100% with YOU, then I would seriously consider not marrying him.
It only got worse after we had a child and bought a house. It was the worst few years of my life. It wasn’t until later did I realize how abnormal it was to have to deal with such terrible behaviour.
Post # 24
Oh, and always let him deal with it. He is their son and they will listen to him way more than they will ever listen to you.
My ex pressured me to call his mom (twice) to try to work out some issues. She ended up twisting them and calling him at work right after we got off the phone and made me sound like a liar. I was so upset with how much she manipulated him to make me look like an idiot.
My advice would be to never, ever confront them yourself. If you do, you should do it together so he can contribute to the conversation and be a witness to what has been said.
Post # 25
Update: My Fiance went over to there house and stated if they dont change thier attitude towards me that he will be not in thier life, and he also took down the last photo of his ex himself. His father seemed receptive to what my Fiance was saying but the mother just sat in the corner and didn’t give much feedback. I think he sees the severity that his lack of action towards them all this time has lead to, because in my opinion much of this could have been avoided if they were just dealt with aggresively from the start.
I then sent my Future Mother-In-Law and email stating that I do not have any negative feelings towards her personally, and hope that she can change her mind and be happy for my Fiance and I on our wedding day and welcome me into the family.
This is my last attempt with this family, otherwise they can chose to not be a part of our future family’s life because its all just so negative.