Post # 1
It’s been a really long time since I’ve logged in here. Last time I was here I was mostly posting in the POAS threads. I was blissfully unaware that our efforts were in vain. I decided to log back in and post about our story. I am hoping that in doing so this will be a type of therapy for me. Here goes nothing!
After about 9 months of actively TTC (charting, OPK’s, and all that other good stuff) I had my annual appt with my gynecologist. I discussed what was going on and she sent me off with an order to check my hormones, an order for a HSG, and a semen analysis for my husband. I went ahead and got everything done on my end and everything came back normal. The lab work showed that I was ovualting normally and the HSG showed both tubes were open with no obvious problems. I have to backtrack here and just say that I do have a confirmed diagnosis of endometriosis. I have had 5 laparoscopic surgeries to remove it but it always comes back. I had always figured the endo was going to give me problems when it was time to start our family.
So I went back to the doctor to talk about the next step. We set up another surgery later that month to go in and “clear everything out” as we thought that solve the problem. As I was leaving the office she reminded me that they still didn’t have a semen analysis for my husband and she really wanted to be sure it wasn’t him before opening me up again. She assured me it would probably be normal because my husband is relatively young and healthy. I went home and talked to my husband and explained that the semen analysis was the next step to get the ball rolling and without it we were at a stand still. The first week of Ocotober my husband went to the lab. I work at the same facility so I was able to walk over and pick up the results. I told him that I would wait until we got home so we could open them together but he insisted that I just open them at work and tell him over the phone. No sperm seen. I was in complete shock bees. I ran to the bathroom and sobbed on the floor for a good 10 minutes before I could even call and tell him.
The next few days were a blur. We kept on taking out the results and looking over them. We called and made an appt with my gynecologist. The first words out of her mouth were “I’ve only seen these results twice before, they were on men over 45.” We were referred to a urologist. The urologist gave us some hope and said it wasnt a true azoospermia without two zero count semen analysis. So off to the lab my husband went. Round two same result. My husband was given an order for an ultrasound and an order to test hormones. Everything came back normal except for a varicocele on the ultrasound. The urologist does not believe the varicocele is the cause of azoospermia for us.
That brings us to today. We are in this infertile hell limbo not knowing if we will ever have biological children. We are on a waiting list for a urology microsurgeon to open my husband up and see if there are any sperm within the testicles. A lot of words have been tossed out like sperm donor and adoption. It is brutal. In this time period we have endured so many pregnancy announcments, gender reveals, baby showers, and birth announcements it is soul crushing. I know these are exciting times for everyone. I know they are truly happy moments but for us they are just a reminder of what we don’t have.
I don’t know if my story will help anyone. There isn’t a happy ending (so far). I just needed to get it off my chest. I want anyone who is dealing with infertility to know that my heart breaks with you. Every tear you cry I cry with you. You are not alone. I am suffering with you.
Post # 2
I haven’t been through this but just wanted to say that I really feel for you and hope you find a solution.
Post # 3
I have friends who went through the opposite problem–both were perfectly healthy but after numerous miscarriages and IVF attempts they learned somehow her eggs weren’t viable. They continued to push forward and now have two children with donor eggs. They aren’t any less their children–they are incredible parents. There are many ways to make a family including donor sperm. The man who changes the diapers in the middle of the night is the child’s father.
Post # 4
I am so sorry you’re dealing with this. Thank you for sharing. I have a family friend went through this as well. TTC and couldn’t, she got the all clear. He got the negative sperm diagnosis. They ended up using a sperm donor. And now have a lovley three year old son. They were VERY vocal about how the conceived on social media, in part to take away the stigma against it, and to share in openness with their friends.
I wish you luck in your future family, whichever way it comes about.
Post # 5
LaPetiote : Thank you
beethree : teacher-bee-in-the-sea : Yes. I completely agree that using a donor does not make you any less a parent but unfortunately my husband is having a hard time coming to terms with this. Before we ever TTC we discussed how far we would go in our journey to become parents beacuse of my endo and he has always said no to any donors or adoption. I’m not sure if maybe a few years down the line he will change his mind but for the time being, it isn’t an option for us.
Post # 6
wontonsoup : I’m so sorry to read your update. Thank you for sharing. We’ve been TTC for three years now and recently attended a support session for couples going through infertility. One of the speakers was a man who learned of his own azoospermia when he and his wife were desperately trying for kids. It took him some time, but he eventually came around to the idea of using donor sperm. They now have 3 children and he runs a support network for couples using donor eggs/sperm because he felt so alone in his struggle. It was incredibly inspiriational to hear him speak.
Whether you find success with the surgery or eventually build your family in another way, I wish you the absolute best. Know that you are not alone in your struggle. Hugs xo
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
We are an azoo success story. Darling Husband was diagnosed with azoo due to bilateral blocks AND testicular failure. It was a double whammy. That was 4 years ago this month and Darling Husband was 33 at the time. It took 18 months to deal with the emotional fallout of the diagnosis and move Darling Husband from “fine, we just won’t have kids” to being willing to pursue treatment. It was a very long and trying part of our marriage, and it effected him in ways that I truly cannot grasp even now. But we kept fighting for eachother and we survived. It took another year after that before we successfully conceived. DH had a successful TESE and I had a successful IVF cycle. We ended up with 6 day 5 blastocysts, one of which became our baby. Our LO is 10 months old, and he is the light of our lives.
I don’t know where you are located, but make sure that you are working with the best urologist that you can get. Azoo is a rare condition and most urologists are a waste of your time because they are out of their league. Travel to a big city for treatment. E-mail Dr. Schlagel at Cornell. He will respond to you and recommend a top notch uro to work with in your area. Take his recommendation. We wasted time with our first uro who didn’t even bother to run DH’s labs after diagnosing the blockages with an ultrasound. We found out the day of corrective surgery, after Darling Husband was already gowned up, IV in, next one in the OR that he also had testicular failure and was not a surgical correction candidate. We were gutted, and all because the first uro dropped the ball.
Also, there’s a semi-active thread for azoo on the BBC MFI forum. You may find someone to commiserate with there. MFI is very isolating. Darling Husband refused to tell anyone his diagnosis, and with azoo being so rare you won’t even find others in in-person IF support groups who know what it is or what it’s like to go through the experience. I found that the IF community os very female-centered, and often felt like I just didn’t fit in because my tests were all okay. Having an outlet of others going through the same thing really helps.
I’m not on here much any more (too many cross site scripting attacks), but feel free to PM me.
Post # 8
wontonsoup : Would it be possible for the two of you to go to therapy together to help deal with this disappointment and change in expectations and plans? Or for him to see a therapist on his own? Maybe a therapist (and lots of time) could help him come to terms with this. It would be a shame if you ended up having no children at all just because they wouldn’t be his bio children, and I suspect you might grow to feel bad or resent that as well, over time. I think you’re right, though, and the shock and disappointment is too heavy for him right now to see things differently and from your perspective.
I wish you both the best, and am so sorry you are having to struggle this way.
Post # 9
Another MFI success story here, and it also took my husband a while to come around to treatment. It wasn’t as severe as azoo but we did need IVF, which initially was off the table. It took my husband a while to process his diagnosis, whereas I wanted to jump right in to treatment or adoption. I’ve seen so many people with the same story and the husbands do often come around after they’ve taken some time. I really wish the best for you and that you and your husband find a way to cope together and make your dreams of a family come true someday, whatever that may look like!
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2014 - Nazareth Hall
wontonsoup : Wow bee I’m so sorry. I’m not going through this specific diagnosis but I did want to say I feel for you and I’ll be praying for you guys.
Post # 11
I am so sorry bee that you are going through this ! I can feel your sadness in your writing and this is how I felt through our infertility journey . We are also an MFI success with IVF .
I wanted to share this article with you because I felt it helped me to realize it’s okay to be sad and angry about our infertility .
When People Allowed Me to Grieve About My Infertility
Post # 12
So sorry to hear you’re going through this bee, sounds really difficult. My wife and I used donor sperm to conceive as it was our only option but it was still a difficult decision. It’s hard for my wife to know she won’t be biologically related to our child. We’ve had many conversations though about how our love really did conceive the baby. We picked out our donor together and the fact that we are in love and together is the only reason this baby is coming into existance. Does your fertility clinic offer counselling? I would definitely recommend it, because we used donor sperm we had to have some counselling on how to ohave the conversation wtih our child about how they were conceived by donor sperm. It was really helpful. Sending you positive vibes!
Post # 13
I am so sorry to hear this.
My husband and I are going through something similar. His count is at 1 million motile sperm. So we have SOMETHING. But not much. We’ve been trying since November of 2015. 2016 was hell as it was dedicated ONLY to pregnancy. We’ve decided to take a break. We are still trying obviously but that’s it. We aren’t stressing anymore. We said we will revisit the idea of medical intervention in a couple months but right now we are trying to focus on just us. If we get pregnant, great. But we aren’t as depressed whenever my period comes anymore.
Weve decided IVF isn’t for us. Mentally, physically, emotionally or financially. So as much as it was a last resort, we’ve decided if we do decide to do something when we discuss it in a few months, it’ll be IUI with donor sperm.
Having come to peace with our diagnosis of male factor infertility has definitely been a relief. I spent so much time crying last year that I simply couldn’t allow it this year.
It doesn’t help that I’m a hair stylist and all my clients are getting pregnant so it’s in my face all the time. But I’ve learned to accept that God has a plan and it just didn’t align with ours right now.
I know we don’t know one another, but it’s nice to have someone else to talk to who is going through something similar. If you need to talk, I’m here 🙂
Post # 14
just read your comment about your Darling Husband being against donor sperm. So was mine. Completely. And once he had a few months to come to terms with it, he realizes that might be our only option and has come around to it. Sometimes it really does just take time.