(Closed) The inlaws: being fair, trying to gain perspective and create a family

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5965 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

I feel ya lady, my in laws are a nightmare, and I used to get quite upset by a lot of the things they did and said…and then one day I just decided that I didn’t care, that I was above this crap because while I cannot control the actions of others, I sure as hell am in charge of how I feel about it.  My Mother-In-Law is a complainer, it’s THE only way she knows how to carry on a conversation, by dumping on something, or someone, it is a tragedy…so when she does that, if she hits on something that strikes a nerve with me, I excuse myself from the conversation.  My Father-In-Law is terribly nosy, pius and just a little $$ focused when it comes to me and Mr. 99, whenever he starts gearing up for a religious rant, interrogating me over our lifestyle or starts running that internal adding machine in his head over our latest purchase, vacation…whatever, I simply ask him to excuse me, and I leave the conversation.  I can’t change these people, and wouldn’t want to try, we spend a very small amount of time with them because they are such a drag and I laid down a mandated moratorium on them ever consorting with my family…just because I love Mr. 99 does not mean my family has to suffer his relatives, that’s my burden and my burden alone,  invest in the people that pay out, and treat the rest like talking furniture, amusing, strange and totally useless in any practical sense of the word.

Post # 4
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Does your Mother-In-Law complain about everything? Some people are just complainers, so it might not have anything to do with you.

Post # 5
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@carolsdaughter:  You’re not crazy. What she’s doing sounds like a not very passive form of passive aggression. It would be really difficult for me not to snap at her to be quiet and quit nitpicking my wedding. 

Agree that some people are just complainers, though. Is she like this all the time?

Post # 8
Member
5965 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@carolsdaughter:  And I just want to say that I’m really sorry she keeps picking at you, I’ll bet your wedding was just wonderful and beautiful and fun, and just because somebody was late with the clam puffs, well, that doesn’t change a thing!  Your Mother-In-Law is one of those people that can’t see the woods for the trees!

Post # 9
Member
1813 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I’ve just had the ILs here helping us move – which I am really grateful for… but… WOW my nerves are FRAYED at this point.  I’m pregnant, so things are just a teensy bit worse than usual.  I pick up a bag and she goes in a state of panic.  I went to get into the car and they both screamed that I panicked and ended up headbutting the roof of the car – why they screamed because I was getting into the back – mostly because Mother-In-Law complains that she can’t get in the back.

The meals I cooked were without salt as Father-In-Law and I have been ordered by the doctor not to eat salt – she cooks without salt in her house for this reason too. but every.frigging.mealtime. instead of putting salt on her plate like she does in her home, she ate the food and WHINGED how bland it was instead – but then adding “I’m not complaining – I’m just saying”

We were moving out of a house which had a lot of the owners stuff in (fully furnished), so it was repeatedly explained that  I would pack things, Darling Husband and Father-In-Law would move heavy things and Mother-In-Law the light things and do some light cleaning. So, I finish in the bedroom and inform her that the black bag is for th skip. So she takes the WHITE bag which is filled with my clothes and takes it to the skip – I stop her in time.  I empty the cupboards of all our crockery, and leave the owners things, and tell her so “Everything in this cupboard is to stay – it’s the owners”, so she ignores me, and when we arrive at the other hosue I open a box to find the owners crockery.

The coffee table I tell her is for the men to take to the our new house, and I push it against the departure wall, andi n the time it takes me to have a frigging piss, it’s back in the centr of the room with a twatty doily on it and coasters – “she didn’t hear me”, fair enough, but she said this before I even opened my mouth.

We took them for lunch yesterday, and they ordered some fish mezes, some of which I can’t eat because of the pregnancy, and others, the smell just put me off because of the pregnancy – not a problem, because I ordered myself a soup and a salad.  They then try to force me to eat the damn things, to the point where I did loose my cool.  Darling Husband got involved – yet again – and told them to back off.

Really they are good people – just over-analyse everything, and turn a simple job of loaf-slicing into a massive drama (That was easter a couple of years ago where Mother-In-Law ended up crying because she argued with Father-In-Law about how to slice the loaf).  Darling Husband and I live away, and are really self-sufficient.  They asked to come and help us move, because they feel bad not helping us out like they do for their other son, so we eventually agreed and paid for their tickets, only for them to start complaining from the moment we accepted their help.  I am DREADING having to live with them for the month before the birth…

Post # 10
Member
1813 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@carolsdaughter:  Oh, and I have the same worry that I am just being too harsh. Undecided

Post # 12
Member
2907 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think some people are just complainers. My Future Mother-In-Law is definitely a complainer. I’m not sure she really realizes the impact that it has on other people, so I really just try to brush it off. It drives me crazy sometimes, but I don’t think she’s ever going to change, so I do my best to not let her get to me. Sometimes I respond by trying to redirect her to something positive. (“Yes, I know, the music is very loud, but isn’t the food great?”) and sometimes I just sort of tune her out.

Regardless, it’s very frustrating to be around so much negativity and I know it’s especially crappy that she’s complaining about your wedding! The only thing I can suggest is that you try to change the way you think/feel about/react to her whining. Ignore her, redirect her, do whatever you’ve got to do to brush it off and not take it personally. She’s probably just a pessimistic person who is never going to be satisfied, so just try to accept that and keep moving. 

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