(Closed) The Internet Ettiquette

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I skipped save the dates entirely. I have gotten a lot of Facebook save the dates/address collection events.

I think emailing would be fine, and actually, you could still make a cute jpeg and send it out for free!

Post # 4
Member
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I was all set to e-mail our save the dates (former graphic designer, so I created it), until there was a $17 for $70 Vistaprint Groupon, so I’m all for an e-mail version. The groupon pops up pretty frequently, so it’s definitely something to consider (I also had thank you cards done at that time.)

The nice thing about the printed save the dates- they’ll go on people’s fridges, so they won’t forget. The cards (or email) are a great way to ensure most of your guests will make it- we sent them to over 90% of our guest list, and I expect we’ll get pretty good rsvp rates (so far, 100% yes replies)

I also like having the wedding web site- not every checks it, but it’s good to list your registries, info for Out of Town guests, etc.

Post # 5
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I wasn’t going to do save the dates, but ended up deciding to send them ’cause all our guests are from out of town & we wanted to give them enough notice to make travel plans (we’ll also be sending out our invitations early — 3 or 4 months out instead of 2).

Personally, I think e-mailed Save-The-Date Cards are fine; you can get some really nice templates, or you could go the funny route & see if there’s something on http://www.someecards.com. Just look for “electronic invite” or “e-mail save the date template” on Google to get ideas!

Post # 6
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I second vista print, I made postcards and it cost me about 15 bucks to make them all!

Post # 7
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

On wedding websites…

My website has a counter and it’s getting a lot of views, but I don’t know how many unique individuals are looking at it (It might be the same people over and over.) In any event, it’s easier for me to just say, “It’s on the website,” when people ask about things. I suppose that they don’t realize that when you have 100 people asking you “are you registered?” “did you get a room block?” “what’s the date again?” that it’s really annoying and over whelming, but I can just tell them to look on the website. As a guest, I always go to the wedding website primarily for directions, hotel, and registry information before I ask someone.

Of course if you don’t do Save the Dates, getting the URL out to people will be difficult. I would recommend going with TheKnot for your website just because it’s probably the best known. You can of course list the URL on places like FB but non-invitees will see it too.

 

 

Post # 8
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you can definitely send save the date’s by email. Having a picture or some graphics would be one step up from sending a mass email with this info. The point is to let people know your date and location in advance, so as long as you accomplish this goal, I think you’re fine.

One word of advice, put the details in the email, not just as part of the picture. I often read email on my phone, and can’t always open attachments. Other people have attachment or picture blocking software.

Post # 10
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Save the Dates and Favors are the two things that can be skipped when on a budget.

Post # 11
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

@carnivaltheme:  The big appeal of “Save the Date” cards is that they are one of the first things a bride can do, that puts her name and her fiances name down in official print together, and make the wedding seem real. The are (sometimes) cute, and if you make them yourself they help burn up the nervous excitement of being newly engaged so that you can focus on other things, like remembering to wash the dishes and filling out your timesheets.

But they are fraught with social danger. They are a new fashion (in fact, I strongly hope they are just a fad), not proper protocol. They are not only not required, they are in fact somewhat improper. And brides often send them before the realities of budgetting and planning have set in and before the actual guest list is finalized, and then find themselves wishing they could strike people off the list despite having already — ahem — “given them an STD.”

What could possibly be improper about a “Save The Date” card? Well, for one thing, you are asking people to rearrange their plans around yours. Even if you remember to say “please”, do you not think that is a little presumptuous? Sure, you need your grandma and sisters (and your grand-Auntie Aspasia) to be there for you, but should your second-year college friends and dad’s third cousin that he hasn’t seen since 1982 really be expected to book their scarce vacation days now around your life events? And grandma and your sisters (and grand-aunties) deserve something a little more personal than a mass-mailout, don’t they?

In my day, people sent letters. A girl who got engaged would take out actual paper (she kept a box of it for just such purposes) and wrote on it in pen (my Auntie Vespasia insisted it had to be a fountain pen because ball-point pen was “rude”), to tell her closest friends and family the special news, and incidentally let them know which weekend to set aside. By the nineteen-seventies I was largely ignoring Auntie V’s strictures about ballpoint pens, especially so when those lovely rolling-ball liquid ink pens from Pilot came out in the nineties. I happen to know that Auntie V’s mother insisted on india ink and a dip-pen for social notes and that Auntie V had moved on from that old-fashioned stricture, so I don’t feel guilty in the least (I recently received a high-quality fountain pen that neither blots nor skips — but when I don’t use it I don’t feel guilty!). To my mind there is no more difference in choosing email (or text-message!) over ballpoint-pen than there is in choosing fountain pens over india ink. What makes it gracious is that it is a personal individual communication rather than a mass mail-out. Giving someone an STD is WAAAYYY more “tacky” than sending them a personal note. (Aside — since you are a Canadian bride I am sure you would say “please”, so to prevent peurile misunderstandings I unitlaterally declare that in Canada at least, Please Save The Date cards shall henceforth be abbreviated to PSTDs)

In business the modern axiom is “if you are not on the internet you don’t exist.” With modern social networking something similar could be said about your social life. Still, I do tend to think that wedding websites are rather silly. Like PSTDs they give you something to burn time on while waiting for guests to reply and vendors to submit quotes. But all that effort has a short life expectancy. Most households I am connected with have household websites that are their internet presence. If I were planning a wedding, I think I would put my nervous energy into buiding a household website for my new married household, the current focus of which might be my wedding planning, but which might be expected to survive into the future and focus on other things as my household matured.

Favours, by the way are another modern fashion/fad. The traditional favour is a slice of wedding cake, wrapped in a scrap of pretty paper. When American-style white cakes started to usurp the traditional fruit cake, stationers started making little card-board cake boxes to hold the more delicate cakes. Traditionally, single female guests would take these home and sleep with the cake under their pillow to evoke dreams of their future mate. I never dreamed of anyone, which may prove that the old superstition actually works. Little clusters of Jordan almonds tied up in a scrap of tulle are also traditional, but most people don’t actually like the taste Match-books with the couple’s name printed on them were popular back when social smoking was a norm, but those are fairly useless nowadays. No-one really cherishes the cute engraved-marble coasters (!) or cloth-covered trinket-boxes. If the traditional cake doesn’t work for you, and you really want favours (which no-one misses when they aren’t there), offer chocolate.

Since you are brand-new to wedding planning — the perfect time to catch you before you find yourself in over your head — here is one more free bit of early advice:

Read up on inner envelopes and outer envelopes before you decide you don’t need them. You really don’t need two envelopes, but if you decide to skip the inner envelope (that’s where the individual names of who is invited are to be written) then you need to leave a write-in line on the invitation itself where you list who is actually invited. Most brides discover the problems of addressing invitations AFTER deciding to forego inner envelopes, by which time they’ve already had the invitations printed with no write-in line.

Post # 12
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Out wedding website has had over 100 hits with 400+ page views with a few weeks left to go. I think that they are worth it; most guest can get pertinent info on there. You may have to call older relatives, though.

 

Post # 13
Member
673 posts
Busy bee

Save-The-Date Cards and websites are completely optional. You don’t have to do either one, and you can save yourself time and money.

The only time you may find they are more valuable is if you have a large guest list where people may come from completely different circles or if you’re having a destination wedding (or one that is a destination for most guests, if not for you).

We are going to both simply because no matter what we plan or where we plan, it’s a destination for someone’s family. Those family members are also in very different circles, so a website will be helpful to communicate details to people who otherwise don’t speak to each other or even know each other. It’s a matter of being practical for us. If our families did live within, say, a 4 hour drive of each other and we had a “local” wedding, then we wouldn’t bother with either of those features and would simply rely on traditional invitations.

Post # 14
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I did send email save the dates. We’re having a fairly casual wedding, and only one couple on the guest list does not do email. People seemed excited, happy, and not at all bothered to receive the info by email. The other thing was that we were not orignally planning on save the dates at all, and had we had sent paper save the dates, by the time they were printed and we had everyone’s mailing address, it would have been almost time to send invitations, and thus not very useful!

Post # 15
Member
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

OP, Aspacia has a point.  Actually she has several, but I will start with the website.  I too have one, since I don’t have a ‘household internet presence’, ahem.  Her point about sending them en masse was a good one though.  I did send it out en masse and I look back at how tasteless it was.  If I could, I would simply print the website address on a business card size sheet and mail that out.  Only to be mysterious.

Where Aspacia and I disagree, is the necessity of actually having the perfect pen, perfect paper, and perfect postage to send, like you said, a perfectly wasteful piece of paper. However, if you are doing a formal affair (anything more than buffet and/or heels expected), you should probably consider actual paper. It allows the recipients to understand the tone of your impending affair so that they can decide whether it is possible (or appropriate) for them to attend.

Post # 16
Member
1006 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

This doesn’t answer your question about etiquette but we did post card save the dates from Vistaprint for about $20 (including shipping) and then about $45 in postage. So overall, not that bad.

I would highly recommend a wedding website though. We did ours through weddingwire.com You can use their address for free or you can purchase your own domain and redirect it to your weddingwire site. The templates are easy to use and it was very helpful for our guests. We put registry info, transportion, hotels, a little story about how we met etc.. It’s a nice way of adding all of that misc. information without including it on the invitations which can be considered to be poor etiquette.

I also wanted to add that save the dates are not at all required. It really depends on the type of wedding, the guest list and if many of them are traveling. We were having a destination wedding so everyone would need to travel (many fly but at least drive over 3 hours) so it was helpful to everyone for making travel plans. If your guest list is all people you speak with regularly and you don’t have a ton of people traveling, then you wouldn’t really need them at all.

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