(Closed) the invitations: the continuous fight between me and my fi

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
18627 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I wouldn’t give them any more invitations.  They need to realize that they aren’t the ones paying the bills and they can’t invite their mailman and people they see once a year.  It’s not fair to your family to pay for their friends.  If they want to invite everyone, they should pay for it.

Post # 4
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Find out what your cost is per head and say “You know our budget won’t allow us to invite more people but if you’re willing to contribue the $ per person that we’ll need, we could manage it. Oh you need 25 more invitations? That’s $x25. Will you be able to do that?”

Post # 5
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I would say to them “If you want to invite for more people you are going to need to start paying for them”. I bet they’ll change their mind 🙂

Post # 6
13094 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

If your FI’s family isn’t helping pay for the wedding, they can’t break your budget with their invites.  Obviously you have to give them some, but it sounds like you’ve already been overly generous with the invites alloted to his family.  At this point, they’re just being ridiculous!

Post # 8
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

I would tell them the only way you can add more guests is if they are willing to pay for them. They can’t continue to add people if they aren’t contributing!

Post # 9
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Um, too bad for Fiance and his family?  You told them the budget.  You told them how many they could invite.  You told them you had cut back your side.  In my opinion: Too. Darn.  Bad.  Unless they want to pony up the money, stick to your guns.  You don’t want to go into debt over one day…

Post # 10
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Don’t give them any more invitations.  They are being rude.  It seems like it is not just a matter of money for you, but also the fact that you don’t want a huge wedding with people that no one is particularly close with.  Explain calmly to your Fiance why he is being unreasonable.

Post # 11
1580 posts
Bumble bee

It sounds like there hasn’t been very good communication between the families. Myself, my parents, my fiance, and his parents were all involved in creating the guest list. Everyone used the same guidelines for who gets an invitation and who doesn’t, so even though there will be more guests from his side, all of those people are equally important. He is close to his second cousins, but I am not close with mine, so while it seems like his mother invited distant relatives by my definition, they were really important people to her. So make sure these people are actually not important before you lay down the law about no more invitations.

Have the invitations been sent out already? Can you ask them to cut their list or is it too late?

Post # 12
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

My parents came up with a budget and once we selected our venue and had a good idea of the cost per head we budgeted for a certain number of invites.  We split that number in half and my family and I took one half and my fiance and his family took half.  When his mom sent me the list it was above the number.  I went right back to her and worked with her to make cuts.  End of story.

Post # 13
2865 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If your parents are paying for it then your Father-In-Law can’t just invite whoever they want. Just say no. Tell your Fiance it’s not that you don’t WANT them to have everyone there but you have to draw the line somewhere and based on your budget you can only have so many people. Also tell him that planning for 300 people is a lot of stress on you and you don’t want to have such a huge wedding.

Tell him if he invites more people than your venue holds and more than you budgeted for and they accept then they’ll be sharing chairs and plates. You simply CANNOT put more people in a room than you’ve already planned for.

Post # 14
380 posts
Helper bee

My Fiance handed out invites to tons of people in his office, claiming that they ‘probably’ won’t come, and also doesn’t seem to understand that if you invite people you can’t just assume they won’t come and keep inviting more.  Luckily he’s probably right and we can accomodate the extras, but it still bugs me.

Anyways.  It sounds like you have to talk to your Fiance again, since he’s the one who needs to deal with his mother.  If he told her that it would be OK to invite everyone, he needs to be the one to tell her he made a misake and it’s not OK.  How best to get through to him?  Hard to tell.  Talk about how it’s unfair to have an unequal amount of guests?  Tell him you want to only share your special moment with people you really care about and who really care about you?  Tell him price per guest? 

But maybe he does have more people he ‘has to’ invite, and if you asked for his reasoning, maybe you’d agree?  Some people just have bigger families/close friends. 

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