(Closed) the lap dance issue again

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Okay, first of all–you need to talk to him calmly and seriously about this before you do anything drastic (cancelling a wedding). Explain that it hurt you because he didn’t tell you about it and that trust and openness are CRUCIAL in a relationship (especially a marriage). Resist the temptation to become overdramatic or accusatory–you need to stay calm. It’s in the past, so it’s not like he can do anything but apologize and promise to be open with you in the future. This is all relatively minor stuff compared to what could’ve happened (at least it was a lap dance and not sex or something), and you need to figure out how to weather these issues because problems WILL come up in your marriage. How you react now sets the tone for the whole relationship.

Post # 4
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

He never told me he got a lap dance

did you ask him if he had?  to be honest i think if i knew that my guy was going to a strip club/b party then a lapdance would be a possiblity and that would open up the conversation so we could agree to set boundries

if you never ask and he never tells – what else isnt being discussed?

i hope once you calm down you can discuss it and move forward/have an agreement on what is acceptable

goodluck!

 

Post # 5
Member
9230 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Does he often get this drunk?  To the point of passing out?

Post # 6
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

I personally would cancel the wedding, or postpone until I can trust my man again. I shouldn’t HAVE to ask if my Fiance has done something he know I would disapprove of. You poor thing, that must’ve felt like a punch to the gut!

Post # 7
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

yeah you two need to have a calm rational discussion about this….. altho shaving his eyebrows off my help ease the hurt feelings a bit.  I kid .. I kid.. seriously i’d take the time now.. maybe jot a few things down so when you do talk about it you can have your thoughts together.  good luck

Post # 9
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

the sin of omission is just as bad.

yes it is so it doesnt take away your disappointment – did he clearly understand how you felt about lap dances?  is it something you had discussed before?  and when his friends say “why he’s done it before” doesnt mean he does it every time so wait until you can speak to him, you might find out it may have been before your time together

and dont cut his testicles (at least you are making jokes-well i hope youre joking) – he/you are going to need them later 😉

Post # 11
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

🙁 sorry chicka. In reality, who has more reason to lie?

Post # 13
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

my thoughts are people that lie generally change their story to try to get away with it and on face value i would give the benefit of the doubt to your Fiance, afterall who knows what the bestman had been telling his girlfriend. he could have said “all the guys had lapdances” in a flippant way but that might not be the truth especially as she wasnt there either

edit: btw if you are prepared to cancel your wedding over this i would flat out ask the actual people that were at the party – this is too big a dice to be rolling on heresay

 

Post # 15
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

she was at a batchelor party?  ewwhhhh – got no friends of her own????

im sorry this is happening to you – i would give your Fiance one more chance to change his story and then you either have to follow it thru or accept it and move on

goodluck because i really feel bad for you *hugs*

Post # 16
Member
3613 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Is it possible the friend is remembering the story incorrectly, since it’s been a year and it probably wasn’t her #1 concern that night who got a lapdance and who didn’t? Or she just assumed he got one some other time? Can you just casually ask her what she meant before jumping to conclusions?

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