The lies and even more lies.

posted 1 month ago in Engagement
Post # 2
1208 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

tuesday31 :  

Honestly, I think you already know what needs to be done but you’re afraid to act because you’ve invested so much time and the unknown is scary.  

Your gut is telling you that you’ve been lied to and led on.  His actions don’t mirror his words and you not only can’t trust him but you’ve lost respect for him.  In what world is that a desirable place to be?  Unless you are content with being the perpetual girlfriend and providing him all the wifely comforts he’s currently enjoying (yeah you screwed up there) and getting excuse after excuse, I’d walk away.   You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for bee.  You WILL survive this.  Do what’s right for you because I can guarantee he’s thinking only of himself.

Start by looking for your own place to live and don’t say a word until you are ready to move.  You don’t want him begging and making bs promises to the point where you cave and get yourself right back in the place you’re in now.  Start looking out for YOUR interests.

Post # 3
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

The lies wouldn’t sit well with me, but only you can say if he’s worth forgiving to be with.

Post # 5
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

Lying about having the ring when he didn’t is pretty blatant. Lying itself is bad enough, but lying about something so easily disproven seems like a particularly bad move. Repeatedly saying he didn’t need more time when he has no money was also a bad move.

I do love him and he is a good man, we have a good relationship apart from this massive problem

Have you considered the broader implications of this problem?

He insists on lying to save face and keep you placated. What if he lies about his timeline for having kids or making other important decisions?

He is not financially stable enough to buy a ring without going into debt.  Do you anticipate this changing anytime soon? Did he have savings or a plan prior to quitting his job and starting his own company? 

I don’t think I will get over this, the way I view him has changed, he has lost my respect.

It sounds like you do see that this goes beyond just the engagement timeline. Do you want to marry someone you don’t respect?

You say you don’t have savings right now. Do you work? Can you start making a plan set yourself up on your own somewhere?

Post # 6
2126 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

tuesday31 :  Hard to say, I get why he would feel badly about not being able to afford a ring, but he should feel comfortable enough to tell you those things, rather than lie to your face.

It’s the lies and lack of communication here that would bother me, if he needed to extend the timeline he should have discussed it with you, especially since you brought it up several times.

If you really feel like you won’t be able to trust him again, then I’d leave the relationship.

Post # 7
881 posts
Busy bee

The lie about being in possession of an engagement ring for MONTHS that didn’t exist would gross me out, perhaps beyond recovery. Especially if you two have money problems but have gone on multiple vacations over the year. I woudn’t believe that a bonus didn’t come, I would feel like I needed to start looking through his finances to see if that were the case or if he spent the money on other things.

And feeling any of those things about wanting to investigate my partner’s actions, accountability or finances would just be the nail in the coffin on a relationship that feels like it is dead already.

It makes me uncomfortable FOR you that he’s manipulative and not forthcoming about either his finances (or more likely, his feelings). The year later excuse of feeling “embarrassed” like a lack of bonus emasculated him just feels like yet another manipulation tactic — like he needs you to spin around from focusing on his poor handling of honesty and focus on telling him how you love him, you’ll get through this together, you don’t need a ring and can wait.

Post # 8
5597 posts
Bee Keeper

If he proposed now I would say no

So why are you still staying? You don’t want to marry him anymore. Rip off the bandaid and move out. 

He’s a liar and a manipulator. He will never be truly honest with you, you do realize that right. It’s easier to lie than to follow through. That’s a huge character flaw. 

Post # 9
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

jellybellynelly :  agreed.

Leave.. you two arent compatible.. you shouldnt be badgering your significant other for a life long commitment and a significant other shouldnt be lying to your face.

Cut your losses

Post # 10
2084 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

My biggest issue in all of this is that your boyfriend obviosuly doesn’t communicate well. I think lies are a little more of a gray area around engagements just because usually they’re at least a little of a surprise and men sometimes try to throw their SO off. To me, him saying he had the ring doesn’t really make sense, but I don’t think it’s unforgiveable or anything. However, him saying he will propose in the year 2018 and not have it happen is a flat out lie. It sounds like you’ve taken at least 2 vacations. So he can afford a vacation, but he can’t afford a ring? And from what you’ve posted, it sounds like you aren’t even asking for an expensive ring. 

I think at this point you need to decide if this man is worth staying with and not getting married or if you want marriage enough to leave him. 

Post # 12
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

This post gave me hella anxiety. I couldn’t imagine what I’d feel like if my SO lead me on for MONTHS thinking that a ring existed and a proposal was imminent only to find out it’s all been an elaborate lie!!!

Do you guys live together? If not I would leave him TODAY.  Living together poses a bigger challenge, but leaving is still possible. 

I feel for you bee! Sending you love and support.


Post # 13
577 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I’m going to echo the “exit” posters. 

The man lied to your face, repeatedly, for no reason.  When things got tough, he should have been a man of character and  told the truth.  A second- best option would have been confessing at any point.  A third- best option would have been making good on his promise by not planning vacations, getting another part-time job, freelancing, etc.  Instead, he just waited for the buzzer and is now gaslighting you by saying you’re not seeing things from his perspective.

HE agreed to a timeline.  HE didn’t meet it.  HE lied to you about the ring.   

You need to be able to trust your partner with your emotions, with your money, with huge life choices. This man had demonstrated that not only is he untrustworthy, he is unaccountable to himself and to you. 

Why would you want to marry someone who has demonstrated he lacks fundamental requirements of a man who deserves to call you his wife?

Post # 15
5597 posts
Bee Keeper

tuesday31 :  He absolutely is downplaying your feelings. And this: he thinks I don’t see it from is point of view

What is there to understand from his POV? That he’s somehow justified in lying for almost a YEAR because of his fucking ego? Such BS bee. You deserve so much better. 

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