(Closed) The Loss of Our Beloved Dog, The Loss of our Wedding?

posted 7 years ago in Pets
Post # 3
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

First of all, you have my deepest deepest sympathies. I am so so sorry that you and your Fiance had to go through all of that.

My advice to you is not rush to any decisions. There is no need to make a decision now, the wounds are still very fresh.

I don’t think you should deny yourself a wedding though, because in the long run you may regret it. I don’t think one great loss cancels out the need of that day…you deserve your wedding.

Please try to let go of the guilt, as hard as that sounds, with time.

Post # 4
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My deepest condolences to you on the loss of your sweet dog. I’m so very sorry. Pets are our familiars, a part of us and a part of family, and your Jack sure sounds like all that and more. *hugs* I understand you are feeling overwhelmed with guilt. I would gently suggest that you and your fiancé give it at least a week before you make a decision regarding the wedding. Is it possible for you to do that and not decide right this very second? Emotions are especially high and sensitive now and well, you owe it to yourselves to breathe before making such a big decision.

Post # 5
Member
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Oh, I am sooo sorry.  He was the most adorable Jack Russell.  You made the right decision for Jack.  I really don’t know what I could say to even begin to make you feel better, but in time you will.  Happiness will return, I promise.  Until then, I will just send you soothing thoughts.

*HUGS*

Post # 6
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Oh my gosh 🙁 I am so sorry for your loss. I just want you to know that I think that you did well under pressure. Your baby is no longer in any pain and he passed away knowing that you loved him.

As far as the wedding goes, is there time for you to think on it? Realize that you were not choosing the wedding over your dog. Had there been no wedding in the future, I trust that you would’ve made the same decision. There was no guarantee that Jack would even come out of surgery much less have the same quality of life. I think you need to take some time and let yourself start to feel better about this situation before you make anymore life changes. Losing someone that you love is enough stress for right now. I think that you should perhaps postpone the wedding by a few months to give you time to feel better about this situation and not have to deal with wedding stress in the process.

I know this is such an incredibly hard situation. I am praying for you to be able to find peace at this time.

Post # 8
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@ecofriendlybride: Aww, thank you! That is beautiful that Jack was given a funeral. So very important and touching for the family to experience that together.

Go forward with your engagement session as scheduled and use it as a chance for you and your fiancé to bond, here and now. Don’t feel pressured about the wedding because you have engagement photos taken. Just take one step at a time. If you really can’t bear to have photos now, reschedule for a month from now. I’m sure your photographer would understand.

I don’t mean to impose a decision on you. I do think though that in time you will find that you can have your wedding. You can give yourselves permission to remember Jack, and you can give yourselves permission to continue in his memory and be happy. *more hugs*

Post # 9
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

@ecofriendlybride: I’m glad you had a funeral for Jack and that it was a meaningful and special ceremony. That will definitely help you to heal, although it will take much time of course…

Although it is natural for you to feel guilt, I feel I need to emphatically tell you: It is not your fault. You have nothing to feel guilty about. The surgery was not sure to be successful, nor was it sure that it would spare your dear Jack the pain. He knew how much he was loved and you made the years he was living wonderful. Remember that.

I think maybe something you could do at the wedding, is honor his memory somehow at the ceremony. There could be a collection of framed pictures of you and your fiance with Jack, or you could have some of his toys present in some way at the ceremony- he was a big part of your relationship, so it would be appropriate.

Please don’t punish yourselves and not have a wedding…truly, as a third party looking in, it is not fair to either of you to do that.

 

Post # 10
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Sorry for your loss. I know how you feel. I had to put down my very first cat 8 years ago because he was sick and they didn’t know what was wrong with him and I still feel the guilty and cry every once in a while (I’m even tearing up right now). I also had a tinsel scare this last Christmas with my currant cat but he was lucky and it just passed on its own.

I think you should give yourselves a few days to grieve and then think it over again. I know it’s cliché, but maybe think about what Jack would think and know he’ll be with you on your special day and always. Maybe you can even do a little tribute to him.

Not sure if you’ve heard of this poem or not but it’s really great.

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together…. 

Author unknown

 

Post # 11
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee

I am so so sorry for your loss. I understand your decision–I could never let my baby suffer. Please don’t think of it as choosing your wedding over your pet. Give yourself time to grieve. Losing a pet is not easy! I think that, in due time, you will feel that you can enjoy your wedding guilt free. Jack wouldn’t want you to be sad!

Post # 12
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

First off, lots of hugs to you from me.  I’ve been where you have been and I know for a fact what a hard decision and heartbreaking one it was for you to make.  Don’t think of this as the “money you could have used to save Jack” and realize that the doctors could give you no guarantees of his being ok afterwards!  Take the wedding out of the equation and realize that even if the wedding wasn’t a concern, this is STILL the decision you would make because you, like me, and like many others on this thread, don’t want to see a beloved pet suffering needlessly.

Losing a pet is tough.  They become part of the family and losing them is a bit like losing a part of yourself.  I’m so sorry that this happened to Jack.  My deepest sympathies for your loss, but know that had I been in your shoes, this is the same hard, heartbreaking decision I would have made as well.  *hugs*

Post # 13
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@noenyu:  I’ve seen that poem before and it always brings tears to my eyes.  It’s a great poem!  

Post # 14
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It was more than the money. It was his long-term health and comfort and putting him through surgery would have been unfair if he wouldn’t be happy afterwards. I’ve had to make tough dog decisions as well and it is like deciding for a person, someone you love but cannot tell you what they’d want done. Have the wedding and put him in the program. Things happen, it was not your fault, and it sounds like you were and will be great dog parents. 

Post # 15
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Aww I’m so sorry.  This brought tears to my eyes!  What you did was not selfish; it is clear that you were not trying to save money but to do what was best for your dog.  I would have done the same thing, regardless of money.  If you still want to have a wedding, you should not feel guilty about that at all.  Also, it looks like your wedding is in September.  Hopefully the pain will subside by then and you can do something at your wedding to honour your dog.

Post # 16
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m so sorry for your loss!!!

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