- 10 years ago
…Is not with me.
Yesterday my SO and I went furniture shopping because of all of the Memorial Day sales. It was an exhausting day and we ended up with a new bed and all new kitchen appliances. I was glad to do the shopping with him (it was his idea mostly), but as the day progressed all I could picture was my ring money flying out the window. I must’ve looked down as we walked out of one store because he asked me why I seemed so blah. I said, “Oh. Nothing, I’m fine.” Then he said, “Ohhhhh, it’s because of your ring issue, huh?” I just sort of shrugged and we moved on.
Towards the end of the day we were sitting in the car in the mall parking lot debating where else we should try and stop before the stores closed. He decided to make a list to see where his priorities were for the money we had left to spend. On the top he listed all the things he was definitely going to get. Then, once that added up to the amount we had to spend, he made a second list of other things he would like to buy if we had more money. My ring was not on either list.
Ok, so he may have wanted it to be a surprise and maybe I should’ve let it go. But you other ladies in the “I’m going crazy waiting, when is this ever going to happen” stage just know I had to say something.
Me: “You forgot to write down my thing.”
SO: “Huh? What thing?”
SO: “Ohhh.” *Proceeds to write down my name followed by the price of the ring under the “No money for it right now, but I would like to get it later” column*
Me: “Oh look. You can replace this item up here in the “things I’m going to buy right now” column with my ring. They cost the same.”
He didn’t change it though. We sat there for quite awhile as he debated the other things for the house he wanted to buy. I can tell that it’s been bothering him because there are so many things that he wants to get to improve our house, but we just can’t afford it all right now. We would need at least $100k. He has been buying all of the furniture and fixing up things around the house (it is his house really, not both of ours – even though I live there too). I’ve felt badly because I haven’t contributed as much; I’ve only bought a few things and I’ve spent nowhere near what he has.
Seeing my ring in the opposite column from where I’d prefer it to be made me want to spend more money on the house. My intention was to spend enough that it would allow him to move the ring into the other column. That, and I honestly wanted to contribute more to the house. So I offered to buy our kitchen appliances along with the item in the “things I’m going to buy right now” column that was equal in price to my ring.
He told me that I didn’t have to and we sat there for awhile longer as he debated again what he wanted to do. Finally he asked me if I was sure I wanted to get the appliances and the other item. I said yes and we went off to buy the appliances. Afterwards we went out for dinner and dessert and towards the end of dessert we started talking about engagement. Even though I had kind of brought it up all day, I was shocked that he was finally sitting there with me talking about it openly.
He asked me when I expected to get married. I told him I had been hoping on August 2012. He said that he guessed that was the case and I said that I was flexible though. He asked how long I needed to plan for a wedding. I told him that I had been hoping for one year. He asked what the minimum time to plan was. I said that I didn’t know, but I guessed 8 months. He brought up again that he knew I was expecting to get engaged this August and he asked me if I wouldn’t mind delaying it slightly. Now to me, slightly means a few weeks (like maybe 3). To him apparently, slightly means 6 months. Ugh. Although he did make sure to state that even if the engagement was delayed, we would not have to delay the wedding. That is definitely a plus, but I still felt disappointed because I am a huge planner and love planning things. I wanted a year to plan a wedding and to have all the fun and time to plan it (even though I’m sure I’ll go crazy doing so).
When I heard that a proposal might come months later than I thought, I just broke down. In the middle of the restaurant I started silently crying. He tried to comfort me and started getting worried. He said that he didn’t want to hurt me and he guessed that he couldn’t delay it that much then seeing how much it seemed to be hurting me. I told him it was fine and I wanted him to do what he wanted because the last thing I wanted was to feel like I forced him into it.
We ended up laughing over something or other as I tried to wipe away my tears. As we were driving home he told me not to expect a proposal on New Years, or Christmas, or any other holiday. I told him that I knew he hated the idea of proposing on a holiday, so I wasn’t expecting it. Then he says, “Oh, except for one. There is one holiday that I wouldn’t mind proposing on, but I’m not going to tell you which one.” Well previously he had told me that he was planning on a proposal 6 months after August. So it was pretty darn obvious which holiday he meant. I said, “What? Valentine’s Day?” Oh my gosh, the look on his face made me feel so badly. He apparently had already planned for a Valentine’s Day proposal and it was what he really wanted to do. He knows that I don’t care much for it and I don’t see it as a special day (I see it as a commercialized pointless holiday), so he wanted to make it a special day for me in a new way. I felt like crap.
However, really? I have to wait until February 2012 for a proposal? I have been counting down the days until August and every time I look at a calendar August gets closer and closer and I get more and more excited. Now every time I look at a calendar, February seems forever away.
At home I told him again that I wanted him to do whatever he feels is right. I want him to be ready for engagement and marriage and I want this to be something that he wants to do. I feel like crap that I ruined his plan and that I have to wait even longer, and apparently he feels like crap that he’s making me sad. I told him that it’s my own self making me sad and that I shouldn’t care when I get engaged (especially since I get to still keep my planned wedding date). He even asked me if I could plan for the wedding prior to getting engaged. That shocked me, but I don’t know how far he would let me take it. I don’t even know how much I would want to plan. We finished up the conversation with him telling me that we can talk about engagement/marriage more now and whenever I want.
It was a good way to finish things off, but I still feel slightly depressed. I know I should look at the positives like still getting married next August most likely and that there is still a chance that he could propose at any time (especially because he will most likely change his Valentine’s Day plan since I ruined it). He’s also now much more open to talking about engagement/marriage which is nice. However, the negatives keep cropping up. As I type this, we just discovered that we have mold in our master bathroom. Whatever idiot who built this house and decided to put carpet in a bathroom should be shot. Horrible combination. I’m sure you all know how expensive fixing mold can be, so there goes any chance of his savings going towards a ring!
I think the listkeeper luck has reversed, lol. But maybe if I keep running the list and keep my head up then things will turn around for the better. This may just be a stepping stone on the road to a better relationship.