(Closed) The mentality behind what he says…

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 47
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Loveless Barn

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iheartu:  Honestly? I take it as a guy who said some non-committal things to keep you happy and give you a hint of hope without making any statements that sound like he’s genuinely trying to progress. Especially when this is the same guy who makes telling you he loves you into a guilt trip.

Post # 48
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I often fetch it up not in when are you going to ask me. More like Im so excited about this time in our lives and I did say please tell me to be quiet if it bothers you me mentioning it.
His reply was I like it and please remeber I probably think about it even more than you do.
Not likely as Im thinking about it that much I had to sign up to this site just to actually say things to people that dont know me haha

 

Post # 49
Member
2850 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

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iheartu:  Why did you guys break up? was it cuz of this whole waiting to get engaged situation?

Post # 50
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

I feel sad for your friend, she is engaged to a person who uses punishment as a form of controlling the relationship and their wants above the other person and/or the relationship. She brings up engagement? He decides to punish her by delaying. Rinse and repeat. Where is the open communication? Where is the discussion for both members of the relationship?

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iheartu:  *hugs* break ups are never easy. His behavior from your posting about those messages reminds me of someone dangling a carrot in front of your nose. That shit is not cool. It seemed like he wanted it to be a 1 way street, and the subtle passive aggressive jabs/threats about you not mentioning the engagement and yet he can? Nope. Nope. Nope. You dodged a bullet Bee. a really bad at communicating, passive aggressive bullet. Stay strong Bee!

Post # 52
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

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iheartu:  “I didn’t know if you’re the one, but I don’t not know you’re the one. But if I thought you were the one, you’d already have a ring on your finger”

How would I take this? I would take this to mean that it’s time to find a new boyfriend – preferably someone who actually wanted to be with me. 

Nope, nope, nope. He said it plain as day: If I thought you were the one, you’d already have a ring on your finger. Done and done. BYE Felicia. 

Post # 53
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

nm – read last page of comments

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by  Isilme.
  • This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by  Isilme.
Post # 54
Member
577 posts
Busy bee

There’s a difference between saying “Honey don’t ask me before we go to every dinner if tonight is going to be the night! You need to be surprised!” and “Stop asking me to get married. Everytime you ask I just refuse to do it because you keep bugging me about it.”

The first comment is wanting someone to be surprised. The second comment is being vindictive. 

Post # 55
Member
577 posts
Busy bee

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iheartu:  I’m really sorry this happened. I am glad you realized your worth! It’ll be so exciting to find that person who is in it 100%!

Post # 56
Member
17 posts
Newbee

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iheartu:  My guy has been saying “someday” for many years. It wasn’t until I freaked out at him at Christmas about his ambiguous answer that he said “2016”. That was it basically. I had asked him in the past how he would feel about me proposing to him, but he said no. That  it is supposed to be an agreement between the two, that it’s supposed to happen naturally, and it’s not only up to him…

I dunno

 

Post # 57
Member
1881 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I remember your posts. The comment that stuck out the most to me was the last one: he didn’t know if you were the one. Boom. Done.

 

I remember there were other issues between you, but he said it right there, he didn’t think you were the one. Most of these other “waiters” at LEAST know that their SO wants to actually marry them, yours didn’t. And he said it plain as day. 🙁 

 

i I dated my Darling Husband for 5 years before we got engaged. I knew he’d bought the ring at year 4, because I accidentally found a bill in the mail. I even knew which drawer he kept it in and I didn’t look, not once! After a year of waiting around (and yes I did ask what the holdup was a few times) he finally proposed. Turns out he had asked my dad for his blessing (at my insistence) and my dad wanted to email back and forth for a while to get to know him better before he said okay. *rolls eyes* finally Darling Husband took the bull by the horns and jus told him he was proposing hahaha. But anyway, my point is that even with all those awful things to be aware of and STILL be waiting, I never once doubted that he wanted to marry me. Waiting was never excruciating like it is for most bees here, just a lot of excitement and anticipation. I feel like a lot of the waiting woes stem from an insecurity about the relationship and it makes me sad, because an engagement won’t make you last forever if there are deeper issues. 

Post # 58
Member
962 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - San Clemente Church, Italy

I will never understand the “shut up and wait on me” mentality. 

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