Post # 1
I’ve been reading these boards for a while and thought it was about time I wrote on this one! Me and my SO have been together for 6 years and have been living together for just over 5 years (we’re both 27). I love him sooo much and we’re both very happy together. Everything is great, and it would be even better if I could just stop freaking out about the fact that he hasn’t asked me to marry him!
I seem to go through phases of being totally fine with it and just happy that I have what I have (and it’s great when this happens) and then I get really upset because in my head it’s like “well he can’t be being completely honest with you because if he loves you and wants to be with you forever, like he says he does, then he would have asked you already”! I wish I could just stop thinking about it, the problem is that I’m crazy about him and I really want to be his wife.
I know he wants to ask me, so I can’t ask him, and I hate not having any control over something which is as important to me as marriage is. This whole situation is making me feel weak and powerless and I hate it! I’m trying Mr Bee’s plan to get some control back, but really i think it would be better if I had some kind of mind-wiping device so I could stop thinking about it and just be happy with the fantastic relationship I have!
Anybody else get really annoyed with themselves for complaining when you already have something great? I feel like I’ve got a fantastic thing and I’m getting antsy because I can’t have the cherry on the top!!
Post # 3
I do the same thing: I cycle on happy and upset (though I’ve been dating SO half as long as you!). All I can say really is that I know it SUCKS but it will get better.
Have you guys talked about marriage? Was a timeline discussed? Does he know how you feel?
Try to stay positive dear, things will cheer up. And Mr.Bee’s plan is a great idea, glad you’ve started it!
Post # 4
@SunriseMidwest: We have talked about marriage, he knows how important it is to me and has said that he will ask “when he can make it perfect” and “in the next year or so”. I don’t want to push him further on it because I don’t want to force a proposal from him when he might not be ready…. I guess it’s just frustrating being ready so long before he is. What I want to say is “Look: you love me, we live together like we’re married, we know we want to be together for keeps, what’s the hold up??”….but that’s probably a bad idea!!
It’s already really helped looking at this site. I’ve been waiting for about a year now and it would have made it so much easier (for him as well lol) if I’d found this site then! Mr Bee’s Plan is genius!!
Post # 5
Oh yea – totally know how you feel. Some days I’m happy with where we are in our relationship and I know I’m lucky to have found him. But other days I get all crazy and all I can think about is when is he going to propose and I get all frustrated and angry that he hasn’t done it yet – and like you said – that I have no control over it! And then I circle back around and feel a little guilty because I know he loves me and that he will do it when he’s ready and that I should just enjoy our relationship.
But I’m hanging in there and this site really helps! It’s a great forum to vent your frustrations and it’s also great to hear from other ladies going through the same things as you. So whenever you feel like you’re in agony from waiting – just come here! Following Mr. Bee’s plan is a good idea as well. And don’t worry – it will happen!
Post # 6
@noodle4hd: “What I want to say is “Look: you love me, we live together like we’re married, we know we want to be together for keeps, what’s the hold up??”….but that’s probably a bad idea!!”
Honestly, sometimes ya just gotta get it out, or it’s gonna drive you crazy. Mr Bee’s plan is great and I do practice it, but once in awhile, there is nothing wrong with your man seeing how it makes you feel emotionally to wait. While I don’t condone weekly meltdowns (lol), you can be as centered as Ghandi and make all of the calm comments in the world about wanting to get engaged and for some men, it just doesnt get through to them. They listen, but they just don’t “get it”.
I had my 1st emotional outburst almost two weeks ago and I saw the concern and emotion in his eyes as he held me and watched me cry. It really effected him and I got some honest answers from him and he’s been amazing to me since. When it really, REALLY gets to you, you gotta just let it go and tell him.
I got everything I had to say out, and he took it like a champ and I feel much much better. If this is the man worthy of spending the rest of his life with you, he’s a big boy- he can handle hearing exactly how waiting makes you feel. I let it out, feel much better, and now I’m gonna shut up, continue Mr. Bee’s plan, and take the pulse again of how we’re doing in about 6 months.
Post # 7
@Beena: Yeah, having a board full of people going through the same thing is amazing. I have talked to a couple of my friends about how I feel but because they’re not in a similar place relationship-wise they just don’t “get” it!!
@phoenix718: Lol! I waited in a Ghandi-manner for about 6 months, until August last year when we went on holiday with my parents. I just couldn’t keep it in anymore and the whole thing came out, he was shocked and supportive. I think I’d been so Ghandi-like that although I thought he knew how I felt, it was obvious that he had no idea at all! Since then we’ve talked more about it and he really does know how I feel now, even though that hasn’t spurred him into action (yet)…
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
I totally understand! My boyfriend is always saying that he’s going to do it when the time is right and it’s going to be so perfect that I’ll be thankful I waited and stuff like that. Or he says stuff like enjoy the phase we’re in now and be happy we’re dating because we’ll never be “dating” after I propose. But really, it’s easier said than done haha. Sometimes I’m calm and fine with it and excited to wait because I know it’s coming, but then other times I realise I’m not in control of this and it makes me so restless. It’s like a roller coaster! The only thing that helps me is coming on here and reading the stories and advice of other bees. Waiting definitely has me restless and antsy, I can totally relate!